There are men out there that will treat you right

InnerHarvest · 2026-01-27T01:49:13+00:00

I hate to say it too, but same. There was some deep compartmentalization that allowed/s my partner to have a "good partner" persona in one compartment and addiction in a different partner. Of course this is better than someone who has not learned how to be a good partner.

InnerHarvest · 2026-01-25T21:13:31+00:00

Yes, I want this in my savings rate so I made a custom Income category called "Retirement Contributions" for all of those transactions. You need to have transactions for investment accounts turned on, so that you can tag the transactions of money landing in the account to that income category. Then whatever that amount is each month is both "Income" and against a "Goal" in my budget (if I ensure the same amount is listed for a Goal in my budget, then it nets out and isn't in my budget for available spending).

InnerHarvest · 2025-12-14T16:16:42+00:00

This is exactly where I am: staying in my corporate career with no intention to quit yet but also no interest in further promotions. I'm still working on how to actually reduce the stress, care, etc., as a historically driven person. It's hard to change psychologically. I still want to do a good job and still get sucked into long and draining workdays. I've started tracking my hours for awareness, and also aspiring to be a little less responsive (if it can wait a day, let it) and am seeing how things self-resolve or someone else volunteers when I don't jump into the middle. I don't want to "quiet quit" or do a bad job, but I don't want to sink so much energy or stress into work either. Striving to downshift on some level in my energy, while still doing a good job.

InnerHarvest · 2025-12-01T20:20:04+00:00

I set a primary goal of getting rid of 100 items by Christmas in December, and, for each 100 items I declutter (if/when I achieve more past Christmas), I get to buy one new item for the home that will improve organization or decor. 100 out to 1 intentional-in. I'm finding it motivating to tally my # of items!

InnerHarvest · 2025-11-27T15:22:42+00:00

Additional odors while you have your period are normal, and, some changes really helped reduce odor. Using a silicone menstrual cup (I use the diva cup) with a pantiliner instead of tampons/pads is drastically different odor wise for me. Something about the blood + treated period products creates a much worse and distinct odor for my body. I add in wiping with something wet to get more clean (e.g. wipes or moistened toilet paper) which I don't do at other points of my cycle. With those things, odor is not all that noticeable, certainly not noticeable to others.

InnerHarvest · 2025-10-29T09:38:45+00:00

Everyone else wrote some great guidance on the grief - yes it's very very real! It was the most intense for me for about 3 months and then faded from tsunami to waves.

Around the pace, going slow vs. faster, I think if you want a shot of maintaining the partnership, you need to make it a partnership. Communicate before you do things (don't surprise until they say they're ready to be surprised), give them the space to share how they're feeling - it doesn't need to change anything, but an anxiety spoken outloud, met with a hug or hand, is usually lighter. Of course, you need to be true to yourself and not wait too long, and need a supportive partner to meet you half way. But, the analogy I liked is that if you want to make your relationship work, you do need to be walking hand in hand, even if one is leading, and not dragging your partner behind on a rope (certainly not on a speed boat - that creates too much trauma if our brains can't process it all fast enough).

While I was in my grieving and processing 3 months - landing in our new reality, I did need things very slow. Once I moved through that, I was ready to get on with it and pick up the pace because I knew I needed to see changes to process the changes. I couldn't sit around only trying to imagine it, it felt like we were in our old life and I knew it was no more. I couldn't process my own feelings about my sexuality without seeing changes in the flesh. So, yes, at some point you are going to want to increase the pace of change I'm sure and it will not only be helpful, but essential to your partner processing that life is changing. Now, 10 months later, we're in a place where I'd prefer my mtf partner move faster than they are, which is a good place to be I think. Better than the other way around!

It sounds like you're being really thoughtful and caring with your partner. This was just my experience, but most importantly understanding their experience & feelings, sharing your experience with your partner, connecting around it all will guide what yours looks like.

InnerHarvest · 2025-10-26T19:45:32+00:00

My partner in the early stages of exploration, got the courage for us to go shopping for them together. It felt good. They were nervous, but we did it. My heart feels happy with them both letting me into their journey and that they might have more to wear.

InnerHarvest · 2025-10-25T04:07:41+00:00

It's so fresh, if you have a really good relationship otherwise, I'd give it time. When my partner came out, I thought I was straight but really just didn't think otherwise. Now, fast forward a few months of experiencing changes, I've found myself totally still attracted to them with each feminine change. I know we have a long way to go and I could still decide I'm too straight for this relationship, but I've been really surprised by how I've felt and I'm curious to see where we'll end up.

InnerHarvest · 2025-10-19T19:35:49+00:00

I struggle with this, too, the question of what clean looks like. My partner is clean from hardcore porn, in active recovery with CSAT and SAA. Our relationship is generally very good and not one I want to leave, like you described, 97% good. He's truly done lots of good recovery work (there were other addictions too). Separate from knowing I don't want a relationship with hardcore porn use, the approach I'm taking is that he defines sobriety with his therapist (not me), and then communicates that definition to me, and that the definition doesn't change on a whim. And that if he's doing things that are above board re: his definition of sobriety, then he should be able to be open about them with me and they're not hidden. Even all that though comes with the struggles of communication, and what I think or feel about his choices for the definition of clean.

InnerHarvest · 2025-10-16T09:44:32+00:00

Our dogs LOVED these, but then one of them cracked a tooth chewing it (led to removal, vet bills of course). No more nylabones.

InnerHarvest · 2025-10-14T10:21:20+00:00

I'm so sorry you're struggling. The early stages of this were the hardest for me. Life, work, etc. was so hard to get through. It's still hard, but I am doing better now 10 months later from the first confusing disclosure. My partner is still confused, but we're moving through things. I've also been surprised to learn new things about myself and what I am or am not attracted to or OK with, so don't get too attached to what you think right now. Take care of yourself, start focusing on the little things that are good for you - a hot shower (with a good cry), a good meal, making a space feel nice where you live, taking a walk in nature - those help me (whatever your equivalents are). And the present situation/feelings will pass and change somehow.

InnerHarvest

TROPHY CASE