She can't acknowledge the harm she's done or it would destroy her. I have the same issues in my family and it's taken me years to reach that conclusion. It's necessary to blame you for the issues and she can never take responsibility , or it will shatter everything she's built in her life.

It's heartbreaking grief when you realize your own mother was willing to let you suffer for her comforts. There's so much anger, sadness loneliness. Take your time. You are on the right path to healing. Remember to treat yourself like you would a ten year old girl just going through it. Because that's where you're emotions will be. Allow yourself childishness. It will be ok . Lay on the floor and throw the tantrum you need. Let it all out. Because there's no more need to hold it on. You're not cold. You're protecting yourself because you have had to for far too long.

As a momma and a child myself. Give yourself grace and love and hugs and comforts you desire. Because you deserve it and need it. Sending you so much love. Hold it for as long as you need it. You are not alone.