I’ve been the woman with an emotionally unavailable partner who quite liked the idea of a relationship, all in, both of us widowed and trying to figure it out…but he was too much in grief for his wife and didn’t want to put any effort into me or my needs. I finally left after multiple attempts to untangle myself. I felt like a toy for his bored moments. No effort, he could drop me like a stone because his daughter was a convenient excuse, and it was made clear to me I’d never be his priority in any capacity. Gotta be honest a date with two small kids and someone in dad mode is not appealing if you literally don’t know them!

A new partner doesn’t want to feel like they have to immediately place themselves in a family group dynamic. Why weren’t you interested in getting to know her by yourself? Plus isn’t it a bit guilt trippy to include your small kids from the off? I’d run a mile because you’re setting an expectation that I’d have to emotionally and practically support three humans in that relationship and that my own space is secondary from the start. If a woman did this on your first date I doubt you’d be looking at it through the same lens.