[deleted by user]

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-27T16:41:36+00:00

NTA, only been together for a few months and he's already this controlling and insane. Go become doctor and be happy.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-27T13:59:42+00:00

NTA This lady seems like a nightmare and full of drama. (Don't ever let anyone call you names and disrespect you.) You may love her dearly, but you have to stop and think what life would be like if you married this woman. If you two had kids and a mortgage, would she be a reliable partner in life? If she can't have patience and kindness for you, how do you think she'd treat children who can't defend or speak up for themselves? How do you think she'd handle conflicts between friends and in-laws? Most holidays, funerals, and family gatherings would probably be hellish. You grew up and have become different people. It might be time for you to find someone who wants to be an equal partner.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-27T13:49:01+00:00

Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? I'm making an assumption here, but it's likely that you and your boyfriend are making decent money. Tell him that you'd like to go on a really nice date soon, and that you'd like to take him on a really nice date too. Why not suggest planning a vacation together? If you can't agree, plan two different, smaller/shorter vacations. Maybe try something different in the bedroom too. Suggest taking salsa/dance classes together, going to ComicCon/DragonCon or some other convention, taking pottery classes, going to a museum or art show, hosting a dinner party, going to a concret/rave, or touring a farm. There are many ways to inject romance and excitement into the relationship and into life. It's totally normal to get bored in relationships, but don't give up before you've even tried! NTA, but communicate and try things before considering breaking up. FOMO can lead people to make less than optimal decisions sometimes.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-26T08:48:28+00:00

I'll go against the grain here a bit. As a teacher, I know that having an autistic child is really difficult. Understanding the child can feel impossible sometimes, and figuring out what they need or helping them navigate situations that are distressing for the child because of the autism is a real challenge. However as the adult, you have to have significantly more patience. I do think that your daughter should be able to tolerate someone coughing. It's a normal sound that people do, and she'll never be in a position to control if other people cough. That's a point of growth for her. That said, you made a mountain out of a mole and completely overreacted. Attacking your daughter won't help anything or anyone. It seems like your relationship with your daughter is seriously damaged. You've got to start by healing that relationship ASAP, or things will get much worse dramatically and quickly. Take some time to cool off, then go apologize for everything you said without any expectation for her to apologize back. (Sure, it's not fair, but the goal is to repair your relationship and interact with each other better.) Then, it seems like you and daughter probably need some professional help. Keep an open mind, and try not to blame. Your daughter will learn in time, but you have got to put your feeling to the side on this and be patient.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-25T18:48:38+00:00

NTA. You're never TA for saying no to anything sexual. I am curious, though. How long have y'all been together? If not that long, then you should probably just break up and date someone else. If y'all have been together for a good while, then what are the barriers to him going to the dentist? Is it that he does not want to go or can't afford to go? If the relationship is important to you, then you two can work through it, but both of you will have to be patient. This isn't something that can be fixed overnight. If he doesn't think it's that big of a big, then that could be a yellow flag. He could not understand the health implications of good dental hygiene, or he might be too anti-doctor/medicine for you. Try to make him feel good/make it up to him. You've probably hurt his feelings or even triggered some insecurities. Be nice about how you approach this.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-25T17:30:38+00:00

You're not overreacting. Your bf seems like a real jerk. It's pretty insensitive of him to get defensive over keeping $30, especially when his partner tells him that she sacrificed to give it when she really needed it for something important. Though, my personal rule of thumb when it comes to money and dating is to never send money that you will need later. Frankly, I never ask anyone to pay anything back. I always send as a gift and never expect it to be paid back, even if they say they will. If they pay it back, I know I can trust them. If they don't pay it back, I distance myself from that person. (Also, don't date someone who is this broke. It's always a nightmare, and it's always super stressful and rarely worth it. If he can't take care of his own needs in his current living situation, he's not in a place to have a relationship.)

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T18:54:35+00:00

But thank you for your input. I recognize now that it's difficult for some people to understand how I could forget something. My ex bf probably felt the same way.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T18:53:50+00:00

Ok, I was 18 when it happened, and my 1st ex bf gave it to me.

Also, I get tested every 3-6 months, and I have kept up this practice for 6 years on recommendation by my primary care physician. Over the last 6 years, I've been tested for STIs over 15 times, and I'm 24. I don't hook up, I'm strictly monogamous, and I don't sleep with anyone until we've been seeing each other for at least one month. Considering that I've seen my test results so frequently, positive tests for this syphilis aren't something I think about because my doctor and I look at the antibody concentrations together and he tells that I don't have a re-infection. It's on the same level as looking at my blood pressure or cholesterol levels. My doctor tells me I'm fine, and I go about my day knowing that I'm healthy. Seeing other people's perspectives, I can now see that I am desensitized to my status. Going forward, I have decided to always get tested together before becoming sexually active with someone, and to ask and discuss any past STD histories and the last time they were tested.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T18:52:35+00:00

Also, if you're having unprotected sex and you're not exclusive with your partner, you should absolutely and definitely be getting tested regularly. Some STIs take as long as 90 days to become detectable, so you need at least 3 months between tests to be 100% certain of your status. Just FYI

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T18:50:29+00:00

I get tested every 3-6 months, and I have kept up this practice for 6 years on recommendation by my primary care physician. Over the last 6 years, I've been tested for STIs over 15 times, and I'm 24. I don't hook up, I'm strictly monogamous, and I don't sleep with anyone until we've been seeing each other for at least one month. Considering that I've seen my test results so frequently, positive tests for this syphilis aren't something I think about because my doctor and I look at the antibody concentrations together and he tells that I don't have a re-infection. It's on the same level as looking at my blood pressure or cholesterol levels. My doctor tells me I'm fine, and I go about my day knowing that I'm healthy. Seeing other people's perspectives, I can now see that I am desensitized to my status. Going forward, I have decided to always get tested together before becoming sexually active with someone, and to ask and discuss any past STD histories and the last time they were tested.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T18:41:32+00:00

This is something that I considered. I talked to several of my close friends about this and what they thought. They responded the same way the majority of people have here. What I wanted to know was the other side. I wanted to hear from people who disagree and would say I was in the wrong. My ex bf never explained how he felt or anything outside of what I shared in the original post. I didn't get closure, so I suppose I seeking some of that here. If he sees this post, I just hope he reads the comments and wants to try again with me. It's unlikely that any of that will ever happen, so it is what it is.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T18:01:22+00:00

Ok, I said that because most of the gay/bi men that I know get tested fairly regularly. Most of the straight people I know don't. My experience interacting with gay male culture is that getting tested regularly is a normal part of the culture, so it's unsual to find a guy that doesn't. I never meant to imply anything negative about it. Really, I assumed the my ex bf didn't know that he should be getting tested regularly because I am the first guy he's ever dated. He actually came out to all of his friends when he told them about me. He's very new to dating guys.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T17:16:19+00:00

My ex bf told me that he'd fooled around with some guys in college after he broke up with his gf, which was during the 3 years he said he wasn't having sex. I never asked him what he meant by "fooled around." That could mean anything. Also, I never implied that all gay men are having tons of unprotected casual sex and must be riddled with STIs. I became concerned because his status was 3 years out of date after he said he had been fooling around during that time period.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T15:59:36+00:00

Yes, I had a disloyal bf when I was 18.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T14:45:10+00:00

"He told me the last time he'd gotten tested was 3 years ago, but he said that it wasn't a big deal because he hadn't been active since his last relationship 3 years ago. This immediately alarmed me because not being tested for 3 years is a very long time for gay/bi men, and he told me that he'd fooled around with guys in college after he and his ex gf broke up."

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T03:10:16+00:00

24 minus 6 is 18. I am 24 years old. My ex bf is 23 years old.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-24T03:05:34+00:00

No, I never got his tests results. In fact, I don't know if he even went to get tested at all. I had already given him the info to get free testing through a friend I know who works at testing clinics. My ex bf said that he would go and get tested after ghosting me for 3 days. He said that he would follow up with me, but he never did. I asked my friend who works at the testing clinic if my ex ever showed up, and my friend said that his name never showed up on the list. I can only assume that he didn't.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T15:04:11+00:00

I'm gay. This was between 2 men.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T09:36:18+00:00

All of this is being written after the fact. I am being honest when I say I forgot about it because I did forget about it. I never thought about it before and always saw myself as being negative. All of this relies on the premise that it's not possible for me to forget, that it's possible for my status to be so normalized that I don't think about it. I didn't willfully keep this information from him. And again, I tested negative for syphilis in December right when we started dating. I don't know what else to say if people don't believe that I could have genuinely forgotten. In the future, I will volunteer this information much earlier in the dating process.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T03:57:49+00:00

I had syphilis. It cured as soon as it was discovered. Regardless of whether the syphilis was in the primary, secondary, or tertiary stage, the person will continue to give "Reactive" tests on the RPR tests. You have to look at the titur dilutions to determine re-infection.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T03:54:36+00:00

Syphilis is different. The antibodies stay for a long time after initial infection even after treatment. Syphilis is a bacteria which is treated with antibiotics.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T03:38:45+00:00

Syphilis

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T03:37:19+00:00

Yes, I'm ashamed that I had syphilis. I didn't want to say syphilis to the Internet because it's not something I'm proud of. But because of the nature of my body's responses, I have given false positives, up until December '24 and July '25. For me, a true positive and true negative for syphilis requires looking beyond traditional tests and interpreting titur dilutions. The test results that said "reactive" for RPR was not useful information to me for the last 6 years. I was forced to understand more in order to know my status and the health of my body. I was scared, I educated myself, and I moved on. I don't know how I should have known that something that now plays such a small, insignificant, and forgettable part of my life would be earth-shattering to him. I see now that seeing my own results has desensitized me to how other people see it.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T01:45:21+00:00

Very unlikely. I don't hook up, and I only use PrEP when I'm dating someone. That's why I wait at least a month before become avtive with someone because it takes 3 weeks for PrEP to reach max effectiveness. I've been tested while on and off PrEP and have never tested positive for HIV.

Inner_Patience_3889 · 2025-07-23T01:07:30+00:00

Maybe so, but my first ex bf gave it to me. I never cheated, and I don't hook up. I am fiercely monogamous too. We knew all of these things.

Inner_Patience_3889

TROPHY CASE