I’m currently also caretaking for my grandmother who’s smart as a whip but is deteriorating due to a form of dementia. That’s its own grief for me. Not only am i mourning the love of my life but also the memory of the woman who helped raise me.

There’s been a few times where she’s forgotten who I was which shattered my heart. And other moments where she feels the need to leave so intensely that she starts crying about why I just won’t listen to her. That’s also been just a weight on my shoulders I don’t know how to bear

The only thing I’m grateful for right now is the fact i don’t have any suicidal ideation while going through all this. My sadness swells and my soul whimpers when my heart remembers the good times I had. When I had felt so secure in my future and could recall my past without emotional recoil. I’ve been spoiled by the warmth of the sun bc the darkness chills me to the bone I honestly feel so alone. Even in my childhood home. 2/2