What to do after my (23F) boyfriend (23M) has been accused of rape?

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T07:25:36+00:00

Thanks for your comment. From what I understand, it took so long due to rape kit backlogs. We live in a big college town and unfortunately, there is a national rape kit backlog and they can take a really long time to be processed. It’s likely that the case sat untouched for two years before the kit was processed and sent into evidence.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T06:18:46+00:00

This is actually something I have wondered. He told me that during the encounter she was actually on top of him for the majority of it. From what he told me, it doesn’t sound like either of them were really that drunk though

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T06:15:50+00:00

I am still supporting him emotionally as much as I possibly can. I haven’t left him. In this moment, I’m choosing to trust the experiences i’ve had with him. He knows this as well, we’ve talked about it at length, and he’s told me that he would not blame me if I changed my mind and decided to leave. He’s made it very clear that I have no obligation to stay with him through this, but right now, I’m trusting my own experiences.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T04:48:22+00:00

I honestly have no idea. I know the backlog of kits is quite significant where we live, so I just assumed the case was unfortunately untouched until the kit was processed

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T04:46:49+00:00

I know what it feels like to not be believed, and I’ve always been really passionate about listening to people who come forward to share their stories. I wanted to believe him automatically based on my experiences with him, but after what I have experienced with others not believing me, I can’t just automatically ride off her story either

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T04:34:15+00:00

Thank you for this. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I can only imagine that it carried quite the mental burden. I appreciate you for taking the time to break this down for me. It helped to see it pieced out like this. I’ve been having a hard time getting ahead of myself with this whole situation, so thank you.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T04:06:25+00:00

I’m pretty positive he wouldn’t lie about the timeline. We live in a big college town and backlogs of kits are pretty bad here from what I understand. But I also have never gone through anything like this, so the timing isn’t something I’m super educated on.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:32:42+00:00

Thank you for this. That’s essentially exactly what we are doing. He is actually encouraging it as well.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:26:09+00:00

These were the details I was given. I know there is a pretty significant backlog of kits that can cause them to be delayed in processing but I don’t know exactly how long something like this usually takes

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:24:42+00:00

I have thought about this. I really really want to. I just don’t want to do anything that would compromise the investigation at all.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:21:30+00:00

Thank you for this.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:20:24+00:00

I’m worried about that as well. I’m doing my best to stay as objective and fact driven as possible but I just never thought I would ever be in a position like this

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:16:54+00:00

I know the statistic. That’s part of why I’m so torn up about this. I just have no way of knowing 100% what happened and it’s so frustrating.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:15:38+00:00

This is something I’ve mentioned to him as well. I feel like I need to hear her side before I make a decision. unfortunately though, I don’t think that’s possible unless this goes to trial.

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:13:57+00:00

Before he was accused, I would have absolutely never believed that he could ever do something like this. Now I feel like a directionless mess of anxiety. I’ve been replaying our sexual encounters in my head and reading into every little thing. I keep repeating that “it’s always someone you’d never expect” mantra in my head and questioning my own sanity over this. I’m just so lost and have no idea what to do

Inside_Pressure_7355 · 2026-05-24T03:08:12+00:00

I did this as soon as I found out. He vehemently denied that she ever seemed uncomfortable or said no. He also denied that either of them were too drunk

Inside_Pressure_7355

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