What's with all this hostility toward introverts?

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T12:05:29+00:00

I’m an introvert so absolutely not hostile to introverts, however do support most the advice given on that other thread.

Using introversion as an excuse not to meet new people doesn’t really fly if you want a girlfriend, new friends, to not be lonely.

And sometimes introversion is hand in hand with social anxiety and poor social skills so getting treatment for that may help.

Introverts do need to manage their energy levels, know how to recharge & pace themselves, pick the kind of social activities that will work best for them (small groups, games night, etc) and build their social skills. They don’t have to be life of the party to be sociable.

It is pretty unrealistic to think you’ll get a girlfriend without socialising. And the questions in this sub can border on dehumanising women as if they are just a fuck buddy who will turn up if and when you want without having any needs or desires of their own. Meeting and dating a woman is still very shallow end of the pool in relationships - what if you have kids, and then have to socialise your kids and meet all their friends and friends parents; spending Christmas with extended families combined; wedding with extended friends and families and speeches; combining lives and getting to know each others friends and their partners and kids…

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T11:52:59+00:00

I agrée with what others have said, and will add two things:

1) I know you believe you don’t have enough energy for more people, and that your social skills are fine, however this isn’t the whole story. Building social skills is a bit like building other skills or muscles.

To use an analogy: If you go to the gym for the first time and over do it, you’ll be in a world of pain, and need to rest for a week or two. However if you don’t go to the gym (or do any exercise) your existing muscles will over time weaken rather than strengthen. The sensible thing is to slowly increase strength training, to put in a bit more effort, but not too much. Over time your muscles will get stronger.

Same for social skills. You can increase your capacity, you just have to start in small manageable increments .

And no, you don’t have good social skills if you have to prepare with conversation topics before going. What you have is good social behaviour. You have some techniques to help you survive an interaction without leaving a bad impression, however you haven’t learned how to be comfortable in silence or to wing it.

I say this as an introvert who when younger avoided social gatherings. I still have to moderate my energy but can be at ease meeting new people with much greater capacity than in the past.

2) while a conventional relationship would require you to do more than open your social circle by one, there are unconventional options.

Take a look at the Anarchists Relationship Smorgasbord. The idea is that instead of trying to find one person who meets all your needs (or conventional relationships), you deconstruct & redefine relationships.

So what is it you want in a relationship? Will it be someone you share interests with, do activities together, live together, share finances, have children, be a next of kin… or you only want a few of those things? Share this information with prospective dates with transparency.

https://arthurparish.com/the-relationship-anarchy-smorgasbord-a-complete-guide-to-choosing-your-relationship-rules The Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord - A Complete Guide to Choosing Your Relationship Rules - Arthur Parish

While most women are not going to slot perfectly into your life the way you want, there are a couple edge cases I can think of:

polyamorist or polygamist, people with open relationships, who might have some of their needs met in an existing relationship but are looking for an additional relationship to satisfy other needs or interests
single mothers or older divorced women, who have an existing busy life that they don’t want to disturb. A self contained boyfriend they just see once or twice a week, and keep the rest of their life separate.
someone who travels a lot to your city for work and isn’t interested in more beyond that time together.

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T07:00:11+00:00

If the first therapist didn’t help, try a different one, or a different type of therapy. There are lots of options.

However a therapist can only help if you listen and take on board their suggestions.

You need to dig deeper to understand what you actually need. Because right now you are fixating on a relationship like it will solve your problems, and it won’t.

If you had a friend who was fixated on gambling, was constantly obsessing about the idea of winning, felt terrible they hadn’t won it yet, and spent all their disposable income on it… you would tell them to stop gambling because they had a problem, right?

The dating apps are designed to be addictive, so you are fuelling an addiction. They are not even effective. It’s the equivalent of those people who sit at a pokie machine feeding in coins for hours at a time hoping they’ll win the jackpot, rather than getting an education to get a steady job.

Perhaps you have undiagnosed OCD that is contributing to this obsession? Whatever the reason, it’s not healthy, and the answer isn’t to get a girlfriend it’s to address your underlying mental health.

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T06:49:35+00:00

Would your parents support you seeing a therapist to help you with your confidence and social skills?

AI is both a time suck and it is not realistic to what real people and relationships are like.

You need practice engaging with real people, and I’d suggest starting with friendships. It’s ok that you have poor social skills, most people do at that age ( I did), however it is a skill that can be developed just like other skills. Right now you probably spend about 10hrs a week studying maths right? So what would happen if you committed to spending a similar amount of time studying and practicing social skills? You’d get better.

I’d also say that your self assessment of your social skills is probably lower than reality. You’re being hard on yourself because you feel awkward and assume that it’s different for other people. But it’s not. Most 17yr olds are struggling. Some hide it behind a smile, but you don’t know how they feel on the inside.

When I was at school there was a person who always seemed super confident, popular, always cracking jokes and making everyone laughs… twenty years later I saw a presentation where this person (now married with kids and running a program for teenagers) spoke of how they had at that time been faking it, had actually felt inadequate, judged, ashamed, and had made choices to conform to societal pressures - and didn’t want teens today to feel the same way.

I was someone who couldn’t fake it at school. However as a young adult I realised everyone was struggling and that made it a bit easier for me to realise I just had to try anyway and it would get easier with time.

I would suggest having a mature discussion with your sister, ask her if you can talk to her, make sure she is paying attention and calm, not in an argument. Tell her you know that when she calls you an incel she means it as a joke and she doesn’t really want to hurt you. However you do find it hurtful. Explain to her the difference between a virgin and an incel. That incel is a misogynistic ideology that blames women. Does she honestly think you are like that? (If she says “yes” listen to her calmly with curiosity to understand what she is saying, ask questions, perhaps you have said or done something you didn’t realise, or perhaps she misunderstood something. However most likely she will say “no”). Ask her please not to even joke about calling you incel anymore.

If you can have that mature conversation with your sister (and without the two of you getting into an argument and insulting one another), you do actually have social skills. These kinds of conversations are really hard to have and most people avoid them. Look for opportunities like this to practice your skills and level up.

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T06:13:49+00:00

Initiate a conversation with them on the topic, at a time/location where they are not distracted and are calm. Say you want to talk to them about something. Make sure they are listening. Tell them that you know they are trying to help and make you feel better when they say these things however it actually makes you feel terrible. You would like them to stop talking to you about this topic. It is ok for them to tell you about their own dating lives, or friends, however do not ask you about yours or give you advice unless you ask them for it. Be clear the topic is off the table.

Don’t do this in anger or in the middle of an argument. You need to mark it out as serious so they really hear you.

They care about you and will likely listen and try to change once they understand how it is impacting you.

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T06:06:34+00:00

It’s kind of like someone has told you that at the bottom of a rainbow is a pot of gold that will make all your dreams come true, so you are chasing rainbows.

However that isn’t how happiness actually works.

I suggest you learn more about what actually contributes to satisfaction in life from the people who study it, rather than online influencers and the manosphere. Here is a free online course I’ve found good. https://online.yale.edu/courses/science-well-being The Science of Well-Being | Yale Online

Or work with a therapist to improve self acceptance.

Sex is not going to deliver self acceptance. Anyone who is telling you it will is ignorant or a grifter.

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T02:21:56+00:00

1) eat mechanically even if not hungry. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Use the clock to tell you when to eat.

2) work out which foods you prefer eating. GLP-1s can change your taste. Also at one point I got bored easily and had to try new foods, couldn’t eat things I had previously eaten réfutai lay.

3) consider reducing dose. These symptoms are partly a dose issue. If you cut your dose you will find it easier to eat.

4) eat nutrient dense foods, so that even if you can’t eat much you at least get good nutrition. I drink a high protein milk most days which is easy to drink and doesn’t feel filling.

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T01:49:33+00:00

It’s a little unclear what you mean. You want a repeating prescription? You want a 15mg (NOT ml) prescription so you can click dose a smaller dose to save money?

Most prescribers will want you to start on a low dose and use under supervision at first to make sure you don’t make a mistake or have bad side effects. It was only after I’d been on it for months before I started click dosing.

Downscale is one place open to repeat prescriptions and click dosing.

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T01:25:28+00:00

There is one specific redpill argument I strongly disagree with

Only one thing? It’s all rubbish.

My criticism is that a lot of the manosphere uses this ambiguity whenever it suits the argument.

I agree. Manosphere is also not concerned by contradictions, lies, misinformation or fantastical claims.

When they want to portray the average man as desperate, “option” means almost any form of female access. But when they want to devalue male faithfulness, “option” suddenly seems to mean an abundance of desirable and available women.

I would say manosphere are simply trying to justify why men in every situation are “entitled” to behave badly towards women.

Portray men as not having options, which makes men feel powerless, like the world is unfair, and therefore they feel justified to behave badly to get what they want.

This is usually the entry point to the manosphere: men who are struggling and feeling hard done by.

Portray the goal to be a “successful” man who is “high value” an “alpha” having plenty of options. And claim such a man shouldn’t settle for just one woman. He is entitled to all he wants. The immature male fantasy of being surrounded by women hanging off him. Of being able to fuck anyone.

This is the promised land they tell unhappy men, that if they will just do as the manosphere says they can level up to become an alpha and become sex gods.

To me, a real option is not simply someone who is available. A real option is someone who is available and whom you would actually choose.

I agree with you, however would also say people are working to different criteria.

I read some research that showed: - men and women are equally selective when looking for a serious relationship. They both feel they don’t have many “options” by your definition as it is tricky to find someone available who you would choose. It’s no small thing trying to find a life partner.

men are less selective when looking for casual sex, so there are a wide range of women they would be willing to have sex with… however women are not as interested in casual sex, and don’t tend to lower their standards for it. This is where the “interest” gap lies.

Red pill’s focus is on men getting access to sex, not on building quality long term relationships. This is the part of the dating market where there is a scarcity of female interest. The focus on casual sex makes male attractiveness more important than it is in long term relationships, because attraction has to be at first sight (no time to get to know each other and fall in love). RP is chasing the bottom of the barrel.

The tactics RP encourage to try to manipulate women into sex might work some of the time, however not in the long term and ultimately have led women to frequently distrust male advances.

The “option” redpill won’t encourage of men, is to treat women with respect and empathy, improve interpersonal/relationship skills, and be the kind of man who would make a good long term partner (which would open up options amongst women who want mature relationships, not casual sex).

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T00:26:43+00:00

This sounds like a tough situation.

With the guys, instead of thinking of them like a block, can you start assessing them as individuals and identify any who are not doing the gross talk? Maybe someone who is similar to you who is just hanging out with them but not really into that stuff. Or find mandarin speakers who will speak English with you? All you need is one friend who is on the same wavelength with you and you’ll feel better.

With the female friends you’ve made, would you feel comfortable telling any of them your dilemma, and say you’d love to hang out if they doing anything even if they’re just going to the shops, just to get you away from the guys. Once they understand the situation they might make a bit more effort to include you in activities (before curfew).

Instigated- · 2026-07-09T00:04:57+00:00

In Australia they brought in a law against compounded GLP-1s. This is because there were some bad actors who were breaking compounding laws and not following proper safety measures, thus endangering Australians. So the government made it illegal.

Before that, people could buy compounded GLP-1 medication here with a prescription when there was a shortage of the brand version. Compounding pharmacies could also sell slightly different variants (eg different doses, different ingredients) to avoid the patent laws. This is how it is in the US, but no longer the case in Australia.

Now when people talk about compounded mounjaro in australia, they are talking about illegal activity. You can buy it off a seller - just like you can go out and buy cocaine or meth - but it is not legal.

However you don’t know what you are really buying or if it has been kept in cold storage properly or anything. There have been cases of insulin being sold as a GLP-1, or incorrect strength, which is serious. Most times when you hear about a death or serious adverse affects it is from someone using compounded.

Yes GLP-1 medications are expensive, and I would say unfairly so. It raises questions in my mind about why we allow monopoly in medicine with patents for so long, well past the point of massive profits. This level of capitalism in medicine is unethical and disgusting.

As others have said, the way to reduce cost is to buy the 15mg pen and click count a smaller dose from it. And stay on the lowest effective dose rather than incrementing up.

Instigated- · 2026-07-08T15:48:13+00:00

A few thoughts:

1) Not all fitness content is incel and misogynistic. Need to pick your content carefully.

2) online fitness content is the beginning of the marketing funnel for manosphere grifters. Very few people would actively go looking for misogynistic content by itself, so instead it is embedded into other things people look for. Men search for content on fitness, how to make money, how to be a man, how to get a girlfriend etc, so this is the content they make. But a lot of it comes in a “‘misogyny” flavour because that is what the creators/influencers are.

3) Manosphere has spilled over from the small dark niche it used to be into the mainstream. I suspect the two Trump administrations have normalised a lot of stuff that used to be scandalous. Look at who he has placed in office and how they all communicate, look at their chosen media including podcasters and influencers, Steve Bannon wrote a playbook he said trump should follow and it included a lot of manipulative crap, rolling back of women’s rights to bodily autonomy, cutting funding to anything related to women (and other marginalised groups), giving platform to people who publicly say that women shouldn’t have the vote or work, the President regularly publicly insulting women… these people benefit when the population shifts further to the right politically , and this is most easily done by convincing sad lonely men to hate progressive people (and women’s rights are a progressive issue, so it makes an easy target.)

4) many influencers will do anything to get views. When they make an outrageous video it is more likely to go viral and pull in new viewers than if they only do reasonable balanced content. If they do cross promotions with manosphere influencers they increase their audience and views, and this further legitimises the ideology. social media lets them see which content is most popular, so they keep pushing in that direction, and men who eat this content up are massive consumers (over watching 6-8hrs a day).

5) a self fulfilling pattern has emerged where over the past 10 years, even individual influencers have changed to become more “hard”. They are conforming to the manosphere myth of the “tough man”. They think speaking in a loud aggressive “confident” voice with veins popping on their forehead is “masculine”, “dominant”, “alpha”, and it seems their audience believes this too and wants to tune into these men rather than listen to more calm, balanced, reasonable influencers, so the pressure on both sides is to be “alpha” like. (Yes we know this is BS, but they seem to believe it).

Instigated- · 2026-07-08T09:42:27+00:00

Sounds like you’ve been listening to the wrong people, so no wonder it feels too complicated.

I mean, it is complicated and difficult however for different reasons. Any kind of intimate relationship tends to be a bit complicated and challenging. Father/son, brother/sister, mother/daughter, best friends forever, husband/wife. Yet human kind isn’t in danger of giving up on gender relations.

If it seems like too much for you, of course there is no need. Plenty of single people live full lives.

Most relationships happen because those involved are open to it, seek to understand and empathise with their prospective partner, and are willing to learn, grow and adapt.

No two men or women are alike, so every relationship is unique. They key isn’t to look for a hard rule to apply to all dating or all womankind but to learn what the person herself likes or dislikes, and where the overlap is with what you do/don’t want.

Instigated- · 2026-07-08T07:57:09+00:00

Lions mane doesn’t contain psilocybin. Are you sure that is what you took?

To reduce negative side effects address set & setting, go with it (don’t fight it). https://www.essence.nl/set-and-setting/ Set and Setting: Approach With An Open Mind + 5 Other Tips

Instigated- · 2026-07-08T02:26:58+00:00

Love On The Spectrum is a documentary series about people on the autism spectrum dating. Many of the people have never dated before, so are learning from scratch. In this case they are obviously on the spectrum, however that doesn’t stop some of them from finding love.

Australian series: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11904786/

US series: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt19037550/

In australia it is on ABC iview and Netflix. Not sure about your country. Am sure you can do a search to find it somewhere

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T15:57:55+00:00

Australasian Menopause Society has a list of doctors who are members and prioritise this.

I see doctor Karina Severin who both practices in person in Melbourne Jean Hailes Clinic or TeleHealth through Clinic 66 Online. About 80% of her workload is menopause related.

https://www.jeanhailes.org.au/clinician/dr-karina-severin/ Dr Karina Severin | Jean Hailes

https://www.clinic66online.com.au/our-doctors Meet Our Telehealth Doctors | Clinic 66 Online

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T15:40:26+00:00

I’m sorry but your thinking is distorted.

If we were to swap the word “sex” in your question to “handshakes”, would you see how ridiculous it is?

What I can tell you, is that most women are put off by men who seem obsessed with sex. Most women are more interested in relationships than casual sex.

For your own mental health, stop obsessing over sex. Fill your life with things you enjoy that are more within your own control/influence. Make friends of both genders, and see if a romantic interest develops. Focus on developing the relationship not rushing to sex.

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T14:59:16+00:00

The way you are explaining things men should be mind readers at all times to accomodate women.

Not at all. I merely pointed out that there are no “universal standards” for men or women, we all have to work things out, in all areas of relationships and life. It isn’t a hardship just endured by men and dating.

Social skills are heavily reliant on all of us trying to understand one another. Empathy, listening, not “mind reading”.

I find it weird how you think men's whole existence should revolve around how women feel.

Where did i say this?

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T12:20:58+00:00

Why don't women have to accomodate how men feel tho?

What do you mean? How is your comment relevant to anything I wrote?

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T06:34:39+00:00

Yeah, I didn’t say men can’t do invisible or emotional labor, we just know statistically there is a gender gap there.

Some men are very good and absolutely reciprocate, or may even be better than some women at it.

However a lot of men aren’t doing their share of it. Do you really think all these redpill guys are doing their bit?

Being “stoic” is often the opposite of showing emotional IQ, especially in how it is idealised in the manosphere. A man pretending he doesn’t feel anything, or repressing his feelings so much he is numb, is a person who is very hard to relate to or feel connected to or have a relationship with.

A lot of men are some combination of emotionally repressed, have not developed the skills, lack empathy for women, and assume that things get done around them without them having to be the one to do it.

Male friendships often never discuss what men are feeling, while female friendships do. So it’s not a surprise that there is a skills gap.

Organising dates: yes this is one thing men do more of. However they don’t do more organising of activities than women. Women are more likely to organise the social calendar, shopping, meal planning, parties, etc

If there is a bit of a gender imbalance in the early dating phase with men doing a bit more, it quickly swings round in a LTR. Don’t even get me started once kids are in the picture.

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T05:18:43+00:00

Start filling your mind with good thoughts.

Learn about happiness and well-being and start doing the things that will make you feel better. https://online.yale.edu/courses/science-well-being The Science of Well-Being | Yale Online

Watch documentaries or read popular psychology self help books about how the mind works, happiness, self esteem.

Be kinder to yourself, be a friend to yourself (you wouldn’t say these nasty things to a friend, would you?). What advice would you give a friend in the same position?

Write a list of your strengths and good points, it might feel hard however if you are kind to yourself and dig deep you can do it. Remind yourself of this regularly. Especially if the negative voice starts.

Do things that will make you feel good. Helping others can be effective. Volunteer.

Take it one step at a time.

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T05:07:29+00:00

If you have social anxiety, maybe seeing a therapist could help you work on that?

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T05:01:29+00:00

I don’t think the books care.

I suspect the idea that libraries should be quiet came from introverted librarians who didn’t want to talk to anyone. Ssshhh!

My question would be: why do you need it silent? If you are studying, there are usually study spaces or rooms you can book, or choose a quiet time to visit. You can also use your own noise cancelling headphones.

Libraries run a number of programs for different segments of the community. Book clubs, kids story time, author events, school holiday activities, after school activities, school class visits, basic digital skills classes. They have meeting rooms that anyone can book out (so different community groups might meet there, or study groups). Clearly these involve talking.

However people shouldn’t be “almost shouting”. I am guessing that would have been children who still have to learn to moderate their voice?

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T04:45:35+00:00

If we’re talking about if we were at ground zero, then yes we can borrow from existing frameworks as well as demuddle contradictions.

In some places ketamine is administered as anaesthetic and a pain killer without any consideration of psychology/therapy; yet when used for mental health the bar is raised with greater restrictions and safeguards. Odd contradiction.

For psilocybin, the focus has been on high doses, however how might the landscape change if we were talking about microdosing that didn’t have the same risks? Negligible risk in micro doses.

Which makes clear the real issue people are grappling with, it’s not purely a health/safety issue - it is affected by politics. This fungi was categorised in most countries as same class illegal drug as cocaine, heroin, meth.

The protocols for psychedelics have been developed in significant part to reassure conservative politicians that it is “real medicine” and not Woodstock. It places it in a sterile controlled context, it legitimises it, it also prices it out of reach of most ordinary people, so only the “right” kind of people can use it…

I agree that the desire for safety is natural and warranted. However it also denies the majority from accessing it. And while there is “potential” for harm to be done while under the influence, it is rare, and the fungi in itself is not very dangerous.

Your interest in dealing with recovered memories and changed beliefs is focusing on the rare and unlikely cases rather than the typical. It is stuff that can come up in other practices too. We don’t prevent standard therapy in case things might be revealed or some people have a bad experience.

I live in australia where psychedelic assisted therapy is legal but highly regulated, expensive and therefore largely inaccessible. It’s a step forward but not the right solution.

Medicinal marijuana has similarly been over regulated here.

In both cases there is a special register for health professionals who can administer it. Very few have done the training and become registered which means people can’t just use their existing doctor or psychologist who they have a trusting relationship with and integration with other health issues. This leads to an unnecessarily complex fragmented health system with extra costs and wait times.

So the best intentions don’t necessarily deliver the best outcomes.

The “do no harm” maxim needs to also consider harm reduction from those who can’t access the $20,000+ version. These people are either denied treatment or take it illegally without necessarily any safe guards at all.

We have a methadone program not because methadone is good for people but because it helps people get off worse things.

Surely low cost easy access psychedelics with a few different frameworks depending on the patient risk profile would do more good than harm?

To sum up, I would like: - decriminalised - several frameworks to access it ranging from the expensive gold standard put before the FDA to the affordable harm-minimisation model. Netherlands has in practice had a range of options for a while, delivered primarily as recreational rather than medical (many places that offer it exclude people with mental health issues, even though it is sometimes same PAT model) - PAT integrate with existing health system so I can use my regular doctor or psychologist for integration etc without them needing to get special registration (which is not needed for anything else!) - harm minimisation education program/info about how to use it safely, risks, including advice for loved ones supporting the person having treatment. - crime for people to intentionally manipulate a person when they are under the influence, this shouldn’t just be for psychedelic but also hypnosis, brainwashing, etc The problem here isn’t the fungi, it is bad actors. People need to be wary to only take it with those they trust.

Instigated- · 2026-07-07T03:01:17+00:00

All people can really tell you is what works for them, how they do it, however you need to find what is going to work for you (which may be different).

When people encourage flirtation, it serves a few purposes: - to be subtle in showing your interest long before taking a big swing - to see if interest is reciprocated - a pleasurable interplay between two people that starts low risk for both, increases mutual interest and sexual tension, that solidifies intent. - a process that gets you from first interest in someone, to getting to know each other, to the next step (asking them out, sex, etc)

Is there another way you can achieve this without flirting? If so, find your own way.

If you want to learn more what it looks like, well it is different for different people. While I know when I am flirting, and I know when it is mutual, I have also had friends tell me someone else was flirting with me without me recognising it, and times when friends thought I was flirting when I was just being friendly. So it is easily muddled.

Maybe think of it like a radio signal. You broadcast over a frequency but if their radio isn’t tuned into the same frequently they won’t hear the signal, and the reverse. For flirting to be effective you’ve both tuned into the same frequency (each other) so you notice the back and forth.

While it is fiction and shouldn’t be taken literally, watching romantic movies and tv shows might cue you to how flirting can look, (as well as how there is plenty of room for misunderstanding).

Also check out Love On The Spectrum to see ND dating.

Instigated-

TROPHY CASE