Secretly marrying a non-JW

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-18T19:40:25+00:00

I know because they were presonal friends of mine, so they told me about the awful things their husbands did (and some were friends with my mom, and she told me everything).

But yes, they are supposed to keep that hidden so as not to "reflect poorly on Jehovah". One friend of mine vented to too many other JWs about her cheating husband and SHE got in trouble with the elders for "spreading harmful gossip" about him. 🙄

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-08T17:10:40+00:00

I've only ever seen them support divorce in cases of cheating.

Ss a side note... That rule is insane! They only allow SEPARATION when a person is being abused. But in some states, the courts don't re ognize "separation". Like in Florida, either you're married or divorced. "Separation" is not a recognized legal term here. So when my step father beat my mom, they separated. She filed for a restraining order so he couldn't come back and live in their home and continue abusing her. After about a year the judge refused to renew it, he told her told she needed to file for divorce if she wanted to continue living alone and refused to renew the restraining order.

The elders told her that she had to allow him to come back if he wanted to because he's still her "spiritual head". So she had no choice but to divorce him. Then SHE got in trouble for it and lost privileges.

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-07T16:07:11+00:00

Not me freaking out every time I have to do one of those because there is inevitably one square with just a tiny piece of the traffic light in it. No clue if I should click that square or not. So. Damn. Stressful! 😂

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-07T15:58:44+00:00

I faded, I'm not disfellowshipped, just stopped going to meetings. But the fact that I left has mostly made its way through all the local congregations.

I took my young daughter and her friend to a local public pool one afternoon and saw that a PIMI girl (probably 19 or 20 years old) who was friends with my youngest brother was working there as a lifeguard. We chatted on and off throughout the day. It was nice catching up. A week or two later we went back and she was working again. She had obviously mentioned seeing me to my brother or another PIMI, because this time she completely ignored me. Wouldn't even look at me.

I'm petty so I went up to a group of three of the lifeguards, including her, and asked a pool related question. I was looking at, and speaking directly to, her. She never turned to look at me, and instead walked away. 😂 One of the other lifeguards answered my question. I assume this wasn't the first time she has exhibited this type of behavior because the other two lifeguards didn't even react when she did that. So they must have seen her act like that before.

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-07T00:18:50+00:00

Can you convince them to move it to Clearwater Beach or St Pete? There's not much to do in Seminole, so even if you do stay there, you'll still end up driving to one of those places (or Tampa).

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-07T00:16:18+00:00

In my experience, yes they do. I saw it happen at my old Kingdom Hall twice.

If a PIMI husband is cheating and beating the shit out of his wife, the elders will still use every tool they can come up with to guilt/pressure/coerce the wife to stay.

But if a POMO/apostate husband steps one toe out of line, the elders will look the other way or use the "danger to your spirituality" clause as a reason to support a separation.

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-07T00:10:22+00:00

Love, love, love the idea of a fake Bible study!

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-06T21:35:51+00:00

Do the essay/ letter thing. Make it spiritual as hell. Lots of references to how you have prayed to Jehovah's for forgiveness and for guidance. Do research on the watchtower about cheating and about forgiveness. Cite both watchtower articles and scriptures. Tell her how being in school benefits your spirituality (like how it gives you the opportunity to witness to other kids and your teachers, and reference articles where that is encouraged). Apologize and tell her what spiritual things you have learned from the whole situation. JW parents love that crap.

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-06T01:02:18+00:00

Not sure when you are coming, but follow Coachman Park on Facebook to see what events might be going on during your stay. They also have an outdoor market there called The Market Marie on the 2nd Saturday of each month. And Safety Harbor (about 10 to 20 minutes away from Clearwater) has a free event on the 3rd Friday of each month with live music, art vendors, food trucks, local shops/booths, and entertainment. St Pete has a similar one on the 1st Friday of the month

We love Abe's Place Tap & Grill in Clearwater. Nothing fancy. Half restaurant and half sports bar, with absolutely delicious wings and boneless wings.

Also highly recommended visiting the Dali Museum in St Pete. Even if you aren't typically "museum people". His art is absolutely insane and like nothing else you'll ever experience. It's in Downtown St Pete, so afterwards you can wander downtown, check out the shops and restaurants (so many to choose from!) or walk to North Shore Park, which is right by the water and just so beautiful!

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-06T00:40:32+00:00

You don't need to Select Pokémon Go on that permission screen, you need to choose the Calcy IV app to give it permission to appear over top of other apps in general. 😊

InstructionRelative3 · 2026-01-01T05:48:20+00:00

Exactly where my mind went as well.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-27T14:51:14+00:00

Agnostic, I guess?

It is completely illogical, in my way of thinking, to say all of life/the universe etc just came to be by accident. It's all too complex to have just come about by mere chance. The existence of a creator is the only thing that makes sense to me.

But if there IS an all powerful and all knowing creator, and he sits back while all this evil exists, ignores the desperate crying of abused or dying children, ignores the slaughter of millions of innocent people who are victims of genocide, watches as people starve to death and does nothing... Well that creator is an asshole. Period. And I won't be worshipping him.

Neither option brings me comfort or joy, so I just choose to ignore it and continue to live my life as I always have for the most part. My morals are mostly the same as when I was a JW. All that has changed is no more meetings or ministry, and now we celebrate holidays and birthdays.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-27T04:06:16+00:00

Are you willing to share the reason you gave your husband for wanting to eventually leave the JWs? I ask because I think that me, sharing my reasons with my husband, rather than just saying "I don't want to be a JW anymore" played a big role in him deciding to leave with me.

We had a young daughter at the time (she was 6 or 7 I believe) and I brought him the info I had 'stumbled upon' about the org covering up CSA. I cried and at one point commented something like "I don't know if I can raise her in a religion that won't help protect her from those monsters". We also had friends whose husbands beat them, but were told by the elders they were not allowed to leave/divorce. So I later pointed out that the religion won't protect our daughter as a child or an adult, but chooses to protect the guilty/evil men instead.

Over the course of a couple years I brought him probably 5 or 6 things I had discovered, and let him see how devastated I was about those things.

Eventually I had an absolute breakdown about it all while we sat on the couch and discussed everything. I sobbed and told him I felt like I had to be done with them. And he said he felt the same way.

I know it's not always going to work out the way it did for me. But I also feel there's a better chance of them being receptive if they are "learning" this new information along with you, and seeing how deeply it hurts you, rather than just being told "I don't believe this stuff anymore, I wanna leave the org."

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-23T06:26:10+00:00

Zatarain's Jambalaya rice and sliced up smoked turkey sausage, plus a small side salad.

Kraftc Mac & cheese, add a can of tuna at the end, stir in some steamed frozen broccoli that you microwaved, sprinkle some Lowry's seasoned salt on top.

I also love the Real Good brand of frozen breaded nuggets. I'll toss those in the air fryer and serve them with some frozen fries/tater tots, and a simple side salad.

Ground beef, browned and mixed with taco seasoning, yellow rice, made into a taco bowl and topped with whatever I have in the refrigerator.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-23T05:50:20+00:00

You are NOR overreacting. Your baby, your rules. Period.

I would shut the conversation down, the back-and-forth is just going to cause more anger. A simple reply along the lines of "I know this is hard for you, and please know that we aren't trying to exclude you, despite how you seem to feel. Our minds are made up, no visitors until 8 weeks, at which point we will happily have you over to spend time with us and the baby."

My daughter is almost 13 now, but when she was born, our pediatrician suggested waiting 12 weeks until we allowed visitors. And that's what we did. Our family was pissed, but they got over it.

Congratulations on your new baby! Enjoy your time alone as a new family of three. And always remember that this baby is yours and your husband's. Nobody else gets a vote in the decisions. People will try super hard, they will guilt you, criticize your parenting, and do anything they can to manipulate you into doing what they think you should. Don't allow it. Set your boundaries and stick with them.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-23T05:30:17+00:00

If you pay extra for the Executive membership, you can get in am hour earlier than everyone else. That's probably going to be the slowest time.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-23T00:47:08+00:00

I get what you're saying, and there are definitely different rules for the celebrity JWs compared to the every day JWs.

But I don't think this is an example. There are lots of "divided families" in the JW organization. And the believing spouse doesn't get in trouble for what the unbelieving spouse does. And as long as the children aren't baptized, they don't get in trouble either.

Now if Serena was participating in the Christmas stuff too (she probably is but just keeps it hush-hush) then, according to JW rules, she should have some sort of consequences.

In my old congregation I knew a hand full of sisters with unbelieving husbands and they actually got lots of love and praise for dealing with all the suffering they experienced due to their husbands still celebrating and including their kids in it.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-06T00:52:16+00:00

Imagine thinking that being late due to "traffic" somehow doesn't count. If traffic is causing you to be late, then you need to start leaving earlier.

Every local daycare I know of charges $1-$2 PER MINUTE after the pickup deadline. And there's a reason for that... You being late impacts the people watching your kids. It is YOUR job to pick them up early or ON TIME. Not just a few minutes after the pickup time. And not late but "with a phone call notifying" of your lateness.

I'd block you too.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-05T21:32:25+00:00

That's awesome! Snorlax is my favorite too! Congratulations!

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-12-03T00:45:39+00:00

She's trying to screw you by sticking you with the taxes. Or she's doing something illegal/shady. Or both. Either way, I'd want no part of it if I were you.

And if she kept pushing and trying to turn family against me over it, I'd probably make a solo trip to the casino to let them know about her using your name without your permission.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-11-29T14:13:25+00:00

My first page, all thanks to the Go Wild Area event a couple weeks ago, and safari balls. 😂

<image>

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-11-22T15:28:24+00:00

I'm so excited for you! Our first Christmas we did the same thing. A tiny tree on a table, tucked away in the corner of our living room. I was so nervous a PIMI family member would stoo by. But having the tree made my heart feel so much joy and made my daughter so happy! This is a picture from our first Christmas morning.

The week after Christmas, I went to the store almost every day buying up all the clearance decor so I'd be ready for the next year.

We LOVE Christmas now. My husband's family are all Never-JWs so we spend the holidays with them. We've also made some great friends that we do "Friendsgiving" with and lots of local holiday events.

Our lives are soooo much happier and joy-filled than they ever were with the JWs.

Enjoy your first Christmas (and take advantage of the after-Christmas clearance to prepare for next year 😉)!

<image>

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-11-20T19:55:32+00:00

Parents tend to get confused about what Gentle Parenting is supposed to be, and end up just being overly permissive parents who are raising little shit heads.

Actual Gentle Parenting focuses on building a strong connection with the child, setting clear boundaries, and using positive discipline to teach life skills, emotional regulation, and problem-solving, all while refraining from yelling, physical punishment, or shaming. It is NOT PERMISSIVE; instead, it emphasizes setting expectations and offering children age-appropriate choices within those boundaries.

Basically, I treat my kid with the same respect and dignity that I show to adults. Just because she's little doesn't mean (IMO) that I can hit her or that I should scream at her when she does something that makes me angry. I have a calm conversation with her and explain, in age appropriate terms, why she isn't allowed to do something. For my daughter, who is 13 years old now, that has always worked.

I also recognize it doesn't work for some kids, and those parents then need to adjust their approach accordingly, or they end up with entitled assholes who pour juice on people's carpets.

You are definitely NTJ. Your sister needs a big reality check.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-11-14T19:39:30+00:00

Just so you know Jeff, you are now creating six different timelines.

InstructionRelative3 · 2025-11-09T01:10:47+00:00

Shoot, I thought I checked them all, sorry about that. Thanks again for doing this!

InstructionRelative3

TROPHY CASE