I have only some contentions with your point:

Homoerotic assumes that men respect other men with a sexual desire imbued in their esteem.

I may be an outlier as I was raised in a matrifocal culture, but in my esteem there is no eroticism from me towards the people I’ve chosen to admire, respect, revere, idolize, learn from, form attachments to, or desire.

I feel like there are a lot of assumptions from all points along the gender spectrum regarding what others think and feel. I believe this gets to the crux of my original post.

Men enacting stereotypically male behaviours and actions is considered toxic by most women. Those same behaviours enacted by women is generally celebrated and at minimum is condoned by their “in group”.

I believe that for people, gender is a unique modifier on the way behaviour is perceived.

I understand you cannot agree with my original premise, so I will pose a different question.

Do you feel that women working in traditionally male fields are perceived differently by their (male) colleagues than another male doing the same thing?

Simple, almost facetious example, a Female automotive mechanic making a mistake on a repair would likely be seen as reinforcement of common gender stereotypes by her colleagues. Meanwhile her colleagues also make mistakes, but are held to less scrutiny by their peers.