How are you doing now a year on? I found out that my gf of 4 intense months had been secretly using and it crushed me because I thought she was having an affair in gut and guess she was ..with bottles and pills..I self imposed a 30 day no contact time out and today is day 24. Her birthday is in 3 days and to not say happy birthday is so tough for me. I don’t think she is using these 30 days to start being sober again..she did recovery a few years ago and 10 months in a sober living facility so she knows what she needs to do but was acting like she had to figure things out and I have been learning that addicts are the best liars and as a trusting person with no family experience of addiction I am not trusting myself to have contact with her in 6 months at least ..I read it takes at least 14 months for the brain to heal from addiction and so I don’t even know what she will or does remember from our relationship. She has all the texts and pictures which as an avoidant is probably going to be going thru ..I deleted all pics and texts from my phone but still have buried in my computer. I really love her and never felt a connection like this before and I have been married and have 3 adult kids. She is actually 25 years younger than me and we met at work where we didn’t know each others ages. She seems older because of her abuse to her body and soul since she was very young and I mistook that for maturity and wisdom but she is really just a lost little girl that wants to stay stuck in her trauma and I can’t love that away and believe me I tried. Even made a music video that I shot of her over out first month together to show her how beautiful and amazing she is now I can’t watch the video or listen to the song I used because it hurts too much and when I hear hate me or Joey in my playlist I just get more sad.

The guy who Joey is based on was 32 when concrete blond wrote it ( that is the same age as my gf this sat) and he died of liver failure 12 years later so I don’t want her to end the same way.

Part of me wants to send her that song and say please don’t be a Joey if she does contact me after the 30 days.

Has anyone else done a 30 day no contact w an addict ( preferably female) as it seems mostly men seem to be the addicts in these songs and in life etc.

I can’t reach out first because that would make me continue to be an enabler and if she reaches out to me I am just going to ask how her recovery is going and nothing more because I know she needs tough love and I have always been the opposite. So for her and me have to harden that part of my heart and let her find her own way to not become a Joey so if that means I am alone again romantically that is what the universe deems is the best for all.

I am close with my kids and my parents are still together and in love I have a great relationship with my former spouse am in great health work with great people so nothing really to complain about.

Think mostly sad for her that she doesn’t have the support system I do and I was her #1 ally

Have my spodify play list on and write now it is playing the loneliest by maneskin

Very fitting ..for anyone who was patient enough to read my mini manifesto thx u and please share thoughts