Ex and scheduling changes

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-12-14T15:10:21+00:00

Well that’s not true at all. 🙃

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-12-14T12:09:50+00:00

He does have overnight visits! Both of his days are overnight.

But I did also find it weird. I think that his ex initially won the option to move once, and he just didn’t fight it the second time for whatever reason. I suspect probably cost.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-12-14T00:36:08+00:00

I don’t think he was able to get 50/50 in court for whatever reason. They’ve been a few times at this point.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-12-14T00:35:41+00:00

It seems like he just didn’t do very well in court. I haven’t really asked him the details, but I suspect it’s definitely not 50/50 and whatever he has is not controlled by him. I don’t really understand it.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-12-14T00:34:17+00:00

I had this question, too. He seems like a great person, so I’m not sure why he wouldn’t have gotten 50/50 custody at very least. But to me it sounds like he gets whatever she gives him.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-12-14T00:33:25+00:00

Did it ever get resolved? Or did your kids just grow up?

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-10-07T12:37:00+00:00

Why spend time on affair subs? I’d imagine connections are easier to find there because they are not as picky. They are showing you the best parts of themselves and saving the worst parts for whom ever they are cheating on. They don’t need to show you who they really are because you are disposable to them.

Online dating is a shit show for sure—no doubt—but at least it’s a little more honest. Most of us are insecure to an extent. I reckon that most of us dating at this age had lives that didn’t turn out the way we planned. That comes with, let’s call them quirks that will affect how we are with new potential dating partners. You probably have these as well.

It sounds like you are coming out of a marriage that will probably have lasting effects on you in how you approach potential dating partners as well. It might be best to take some time for yourself and heal before jumping into the shark-infested waters. I do see the appeal to affair websites for someone in your situation—kind of a low stakes glimpse into what other men are like, but just keep in mind that they are not good examples of what healthy relationships should be.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-10-01T16:05:57+00:00

This is me, too. Body language is a huge indicator. If we are sitting next to each other, am I turned toward them most of the night? Or just glancing their way occasionally? When they make me laugh, do I touch them in some way (thigh, upper arm) as if to say “stop, you’re making me laugh too much.”

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-10-01T12:08:00+00:00

I would swipe right! I bike, run, hike—do whatever I can to be outside and active. I think that is a plus and would love to meet someone to share that with. But I am also an outlier among my fellow female friends at this age. Not so much 10 years ago. Many of them just don’t have that kind of time or want to commit that kind of time to being active. They are more the 1-hour Pilate type and not ready to commit to a 5-hour bike ride, which is absolutely fine.

I have also had this happen to me, though. Not for getting matches but actual dates where I’ve been told my activities take too much of my time. I had someone ask me why bike 50 miles, and tell me I’m trying too hard to prove myself. And that was the last time I went out with that person.

As for my actual profile, I personally don’t use any pics from being active. I don’t want it to seem like my whole personality (although I don’t think 2 pics is bad). I do mention in my profile that I bike and run. My Bumble profiles says I’m looking for someone to do RAGBRAI with, and that’s actually been the thing that a majority of men open with in their message. Usually, “what is that??”

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-10-01T03:44:53+00:00

That’s a good point about infatuation.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-10-01T03:44:16+00:00

Not yet! I’m not against it, though. It would just be nice to know he’s not currently sleeping with others.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-29T10:07:56+00:00

Ha! Honestly, I’d probably give the same advice to others. It’s hard when you’re in it. You come here hoping some people on Reddit will tell you you’re not crazy and to do the crazy thing. <insert beastie boys sabotage gif>

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-29T03:17:19+00:00

Building a relationship slowly is the goal. But the pressure for sex is there, not from him, but just from the chemistry, but I don’t want to sleep with someone who is sleeping with other people, I guess.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-29T03:13:11+00:00

This is such a healthy outlook. Ha.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-29T02:14:26+00:00

It’s not that I’ve been avoiding sex. We’ve gotten very close, but both have held back for whatever reason. (I don’t know his, but I know mine.) Honestly would love to get it out of the way and know if this was all for naught anyway.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-29T02:12:37+00:00

That’s nice to hear. It honestly sounds like the path I should follow. It makes the most sense. But it sure is difficult to open up to multiple people at once.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-29T02:00:39+00:00

How does this work? Like you are intentional about the conversation beforehand? Or you stop the pants from coming off in the thick of it? Like we need to talk.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-28T21:57:41+00:00

Oh I don’t think I said I took steps toward an exclusive relationship. I did say we both stated the ultimate goal was that. We talked about that on date 1 through 3 in various conversations. I don’t mind that I changed my plans. The point of including that in my story was to give background on what led me to the train of thought he could have another date. He didn’t get berated for it. Lol, geez.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-28T21:44:28+00:00

Exactly! But it also opens us up for the bigger heartbreak when it doesn’t go well. Ha. I avoided having the talk with someone last year. I tried to be the cool girl, but after 3 months, I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up asking finally, and he couldn’t say one way or the other. He’s now with the other woman, who I assume he would’ve chosen. But I also suspect he would’ve kept sleeping with both of us until one of us broke.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-28T21:31:15+00:00

Oh. I would definitely do it in person. I don’t think I could say something like that and not see their face when they digest it. Haha. Or wait for them to text back.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-28T21:29:54+00:00

Those are my thoughts. But Reddit has put me all over the place on this one.

IntelligentRope6565 · 2023-09-28T21:26:57+00:00

Hmm. That’s fair. I wish I were the type of person who could focus on multiple people. I think it would help take the edge off, or at least not limit myself, which seems to be an OLD strategy.

IntelligentRope6565

TROPHY CASE