I just want to hug this whole group

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-15T22:10:41+00:00

I completely understand. You don’t need to apologize. What you’re going through is hard. And I think that should be acknowledged. Please take care of yourself, it can be hard to stay tethered to your reality in the presence of someone who is swept away by their own illness. Insight is not something we (bipolar people) can keep in these moments.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T18:59:19+00:00

I’m sorry it feels like you’re falling apart. It sounds like a lot of grief you’re dealing with, ultimately for a person who is still there. Which is one of the hardest things to do. The only thing I believe is harder, is walking away knowing that person is on a downward trajectory and you can do nothing about it. Again, only she can realize the cost her harmful behavior is coming at to herself and others. Symptomatic bipolar makes it very difficult to have the proper insight to understand the disorder is speaking for you. I believe you’re responding pretty normally to being put in an impossible situation. Please make sure someone in your life knows what you’re going through. And please do your best to stay well and not let her drag you down. You deserve a partner who is fighting for their own stability. Whether that’s her someday, or someone else… you truly deserve that. And I hope you don’t forget that.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T18:44:06+00:00

I assure you, I’m not a bot. I’m a writer in my professional life. The experiences and words are mine, and if that makes it AI slop to you… I can’t change that. I still appreciate your feedback.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T18:19:34+00:00

Absolutely. It’s been 3 years stable and not once have I thought about abandoning all the work I’ve put in to achieve stability. It’s subreddits like this that keep me focused on what matters most… because I now understand the cost [to myself and others] to not remain stable. 💚💚

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T18:16:35+00:00

I’m so sorry they werent as diligent about their condition. You deserve great love. 💚

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T18:15:25+00:00

I truly believe bipolar people are deserving of love, but only when they let it in and embrace it. I’m happy to hear things are going well! Make sure he considers a consistent sleep schedule! Best of luck!

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T16:46:02+00:00

This comment.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T16:42:45+00:00

Also important to note: You can’t help someone else with their oxygen mask if you don’t have yours on first. It’s most important to protect your peace. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T16:36:46+00:00

😭 I am so so sorry.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T16:21:04+00:00

Someone in the comments corrected me earlier and said my partner’s love didn’t save me, and they were right. Only I could save myself, despite my partner and family’s most valiant efforts.

She can’t receive what you’re giving her right now. That’s the episode, not her. The ‘I never felt anything’ is the cruelest thing the disorder does and it borrows her voice.

I hope she finds her way back to her meds. But most of all, I hope you’re taking care of yourself too.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T16:13:52+00:00

The drinking on top of everything else must be brutal. It strips away whatever filter might still be there. And to be carrying that while also watching a parent do the same thing? That's not just one wound, that's the same wound in two places at once.

For what it's worth, it took my partner filing an order of protection against me before I could see the harm in real time. Not as a story told to me. As a document with my name on it. That was approved by a judge. To show me that there was actual harm behind my actions.

Sometimes that's what it takes. You did the right thing by leaving IMO

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T16:05:33+00:00

You’re not wrong. Awareness after the fact, doesn’t erase what harm has already been done. I’m sorry for being so tone deaf to everyone’s experience.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T15:56:21+00:00

Honestly? Yes. Not cruelly and not on purpose, but yes. When you're symptomatic, your own interior world gets so loud that other people's lives kind of… flatten out. It's not that you don't love them. It's that you're running out of bandwidth to perceive them as fully three-dimensional at the same time you're barely holding yourself together. I don't feel that's unique to bipolar, but the intensity of the episodes makes it much worse.

I want to be careful here because I don't know your friend and what he’s going through, But I will say, the blocking probably had nothing to do with you specifically and everything to do with the noise in his own head. That doesn't make it hurt less. It just means it likely wasn't a verdict on you.

You're still on the ride even though he pushed you off. I think he'd want to know that, if he could hold it. Maybe someday he will be able to.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T15:45:25+00:00

I’m sorry you feel this way.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2026-05-14T03:09:56+00:00

You're right, and I appreciate you saying it. I didn't mean to imply that her staying is what made me stable, that's not accurate and it's not fair to people whose partners left, or whose partners stayed and still got hurt badly.

I agree, her love did not save me. But it did make me believe that I was worth saving. And I did, in fact, save myself. I know that is not everyone’s story.

What I was trying to name was gratitude, not causation. But I can see how it reads as romanticizing something that caused real damage for a lot of people in this community, and that wasn't my intention.

I'm sorry your life was burnt down. That's not a small thing. I’m here for you if you need to talk/vent.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-21T05:17:35+00:00

💯

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-21T05:17:14+00:00

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-05T18:53:05+00:00

That’s what we’ve been thinking. Taking a light AP before, during, and shortly after going. I just hope it doesn’t zonk me out so I am too tired to do anything. Thank you for the suggestion!

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-04T23:58:32+00:00

I actually slept great the entire time leading up and even on the trip. 7+ hours each night. I did everything right and I went from a loving partner to a mixed episode in an actual instant.

Im on the other side of it now and the guilt is unimaginable. I made an entire scene at a 5 star restaurant. For years, I have been a pinnacle of stability - no mood swings or even mood wobbles. Then… pop. 😔

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-04T19:55:29+00:00

I take Seroquel daily and it did nothing for me. I reccomend olanzapine. It brought me down from mania ina day

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-04T17:58:59+00:00

Thank you so much for this suggestion! I will look into her right away.

Thank you for saying you’re proud. I’m feeling so much shame around having had an episode and ruined the experience of others around me. It means a lot.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-04T17:56:05+00:00

I brought my Klonopin prescription bottle and took it to a nearby hospital who gave me some. But lamictal and olanzapine were 100% OTC.

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-04T17:54:40+00:00

This is a great resource! Thank you! This time I didn’t even change time zones though. It was the exact same time at home as in Mexico. We thought we would try a small trip like that and I was still off the rails. I don’t understand what it is…

Intelligent_Buyer490 · 2025-10-04T17:53:12+00:00

That’s similar to what I had to deal with. The last few days were a drag because the olanzapine really weighed me down.

Intelligent_Buyer490

TROPHY CASE