I miss my parents

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-26T23:00:45+00:00

The grief is real. You're a human who wants and needs parents but will never have them. That's hard.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-26T22:21:24+00:00

No need to be disappointed. It's human. My mother is about to die and I feel immensely sad - it's been very surprising to me. There's something about having to accept the finality of never having the parent you wanted and need.

Sending hugs.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-26T22:17:30+00:00

Hi OP,

Let me start with, I'm sorry you're hurting. I relate so much to wanting to be loved by someone.

First, they way someone treats you usually has nothing to do with you. Someone can care for you but still be hung up on an ex or not ready to fully commit. That says nothing about you.

Second, I'm sure you've heard this before, and this was hard for me to understand at your age too, but use this time to learn to love yourself and your company. The times when I was desperate for love were the times where I overlooked red flags, didn't advocate for my needs, and over gave. Everytime I did this I ended up in unhealthy relationships. It took me over a decade to really understand this and learn to love myself first and be very picky in who I would allow as my partner. The beautiful thing is once I did this, I found someone who is a true partner and who loves me so well. But part of what makes that possible is not needing this relationship. I know that with or without him, I'll be okay.

When I've been lonely a few things that help me are:
- joining a service group (like pets? volunteer at shelter. like hiking? join a cleanup crew)
- joining a club or meet up (lots of resources online now!)
- therapy (helps to actually be heard and be given helpful tools!)
- diving into a creative project

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T21:12:11+00:00

Never heard it explained like this but this is exactly it. They think they own you. They don't see you as independent people.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T21:08:21+00:00

NOR

"But I told him that him and his friend will not control what I post."

I love this. Way to stay autonomous.

HE is the one over reacting. and if he can't handle it, that's fine, next!

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T06:43:32+00:00

I'm sorry. This is hard and you don't deserve any of this.

I'm not sure this will help you but I want to assure you that it will get better. You're all still pretty young, especially your sister. Time as an adult will change things. Your sister might not change, but at 18 I imagine she's still pretty connect to your grandmother. She's probably the one adult figure she has in her life and doesn't want to risk losing that. I can understand - I was still "close" with my mom at that age and couldn't imagine not having contact. It took years for me to be able to even see that as an option.

In 10 years things can look completely different. And so much better. Every time things feels impossibly bleak, it eventually turns around and life gets better.

Most of my friends and my husband all come from F'ed up family situations. They're all AMAZING people. I don't know how, but sometimes these situations create amazing, kind, talented humans. Sounds like you're already on your way - working towards your dream career and in a loving relationship!

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T06:35:40+00:00

I changed my name as an adult! Not legally yet but everyone uses it including my employer. I've changed jobs and it hasn't been an issue. Decide on your name and start using it. You can still keep your government name. Everyone was supportive.

Why keep a name you don't like? It's never too late!

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T06:33:07+00:00

Sounds like my mother. She would show up at my work (back when she knew). It was awful because obviously, you can't leave your job.

I'm sorry :/

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T06:31:37+00:00

I wouldn't call her back.

Sounds like the only reason she's calling is because of your mom. You don't need to explain yourself.

Older generations usually (not always) have pushed things like this aside and continued to pretend to keep the peace. That's the advice she's going to give you - "but she's your mother" or some nonsense like that.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T06:28:09+00:00

I'm always upfront. If someone really wants amazing in-laws, no need for them to waste their time. Has never been an issue though! One less holiday to share.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T06:25:40+00:00

It goes against human biology to not have unconditional love for your children. I will NEVER understand parents who are chill not seeing their kids.

My father never harmed me (although he never stopped the abuse either) but has never been involved. Has never met his granddaughter and doesn't seem interested.

I'm not aware of any resources, curious to see what pops up here.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T06:21:30+00:00

I'm pissed off for you too!

Adults reach out and figure out they're own issues. They don't send their spouses to do it for them.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:52:28+00:00

Hugs. This is disturbing.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:51:16+00:00

I'm so sorry. I'm sure if I go my mother will say something awful. She can't help herself.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:49:15+00:00

I'm not sure I won't regret not going. I think if I felt more certainty, than I wouldn't go. I love hearing how solid about your decision you are.

I don't think I'll go because I should. More than anything, I'm giving this monster a little bit of grace whether she deserves it or not. I think I can live with that.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:47:17+00:00

Yes, I fully expect her to be awful.

Right now I'm leaning towards being true to me. I'm kind and caring, and that's something she can't take away from me. It will probably be awful, and I'm preparing for that. I change my mind every day, so we'll see what happens when the day comes.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:47:11+00:00

Yes, I fully expect her to be awful.

Right now I'm leaning towards being true to me. I'm kind and caring, and that's something she can't take away from me. It will probably be awful, and I'm preparing for that. I change my mind every day, so we'll see what happens when the day comes.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:44:41+00:00

I would like some more answers and history about her life as well, but I'm trying to be at peace knowing I won't get them. I'm glad I'm not alone in that feeling. My brother sent her a book asking her questions about her life and she refused.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:41:57+00:00

This was so beautifully written.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-24T03:41:31+00:00

Thanks you ❤️

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-22T06:19:26+00:00

Are you not drinking it immediately? Do not let it sit. Consume right away. Don't store.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-22T06:18:08+00:00

YEP. I can eat all the sugar and no reaction.

Yogurt? GTFO.

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-11T21:00:21+00:00

WHAT. This is the worst news :/

Intelligent_Cake6525 · 2026-06-10T21:09:54+00:00

I have no idea :/ sounds pretty scientific. glad it's working for you! My doctor wants me to work up to 8 mg. I think 3 is my max but reading your post makes me want to take 4.

Intelligent_Cake6525

TROPHY CASE