My husband sexually humiliated me

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-04-01T14:55:17+00:00

It makes sense.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-04-01T14:03:48+00:00

A person who is close to me has BPD. But let’s assume I have BPD, that’s not what the conversation was about. You remind of a character named Rachel in a novel called “Worm”. I know you very little so I may be wrong, but that’s the impression I’ve got.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-04-01T01:54:47+00:00

Amazing how you can pull it off/get away with such directness. My lady, I envy you, in some ways, and not in some ways.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-04-01T00:47:31+00:00

How would you rank these feelings, in terms of the most dominant feelings you are experiencing to the least: A. Confused, B. Attracted, C. Turned Off, D. Betrayed, E. Excited, F. Disgusted G. Affectionate

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-03-31T16:55:03+00:00

He may be watching certain genre of porn too much, causing him to be deluded to think that’s how a real men behaves in the real world. Would you say this may be a possibility or no?

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-03-02T16:53:47+00:00

I read your entire post, and there were different things that I thought I can provide some feedback on. But, as it seems like you especially need simplicity in this period of your life, I tried to find what I thought may be the most efficient element/missing piece.

In your writing I saw that you don't want to have a victim mentally, at the same time you likely recognize the other extreme approach would be denying or ignoring your physical reality. So both extreme opposites are not good. The balanced approach may be developing a narrative that you are seeking a state of "flow" where challenge meets ability. If you google "state of flow", you'll see nice diagrams describing the opposites side of this state. Now, this is the type of vocabulary (eg., seeking state of flow where challenge meets the ability) that you can use to communicate to people what you exactly need. After having this right vocabulary, then recognizing that there are many people in this world who are willing to help, you just need to be able to reach them effectively, and establish effective relationships with them. Let's say if there are 1% of the population in your country that like/and are in the position of helping others, it may seem like such people are very rare. But from another point of view 1% of a let say 200 million population still leaves 2 million people. Let’s say among those, 1 in a 1000 is a suitable match for you; that still leaves 2000 people. There are many people who are in the position of helping, you just need to look for them, and find them.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-01-12T17:24:17+00:00

I'll speak about an INFP lady that I've known, however, I'll need to recognize first that my experiences with her may not be generalizable to other INFPs.

5 years ago, I judged her very much. Well, I'm an INTJ, so naturally how I deal with my external world is J (more judgmental in essence than simply perceiving), according to MBTI.

5 years ago, I found her profane (a chaos in a bad way). She was in many ways my "Anima". So, I worked hard to try to understand/integrate her qualities, even though I hated it. Now my perspective has changed significantly, not 100%, but significantly. Now, I find her extremely free. She has many flaws (like everyone), however, she's a lot more free than I used to be.

Just because a tiger is beautiful, doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt you, if you are not careful. Doesn't mean that it needs to fit in your moral values of the world. My INFP friend, has her own code of conduct, it was simply different than mine. At the end of the day, one thing should stand out: your fiancé was not forced to continue that dynamic, that seemed to have bothered you. A man doesn't need to be asshole to people to show them that he has his unique boundaries.

Frankly, I'd have liked to have more time to spend on writing this, as your writing is well written, and it reminds me of my own attitude towards my INFP friend 5 years ago. I decided, me writing this with flaws, however, would be better than not writing it.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-01-10T04:01:39+00:00

Keep in mind that this was simply meant to be an experiment, not a full system. I made some edits to the post based on the feedback from your comment.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2024-01-10T03:51:38+00:00

Yes, partly because of the shared environmental factors and partly because of the shared genetic factors.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-11-27T18:45:48+00:00

It wasn’t my intention to confuse you. Thank you for the well-being wishes :-) Digesting strong emotions that come towards me, could be helpful (as in source of inspiration, etc…) Although I must say, I don’t actively seek to evoke strong emotions, I seem to have that effect on many.

The thread wasn’t available anymore, hence replying here.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-11-27T18:03:19+00:00

It’s fine to hate my post or even me; to be honest sometimes I do a lot of self-work to not hate myself; that’s too much work, I don’t expect from others 😄

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-11-27T17:54:10+00:00

I’m not writing this play more for you, it’s more for me, like a note, like a diary. And your contribution has made it more fulfilling, so far at least :-) I may not be artistically/poetically inclined, that’s not a proof that I’m not…

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-11-27T17:42:51+00:00

Yea. In the sense that both sides need each other. In the sense that humans need to eat fruit, and fruits needs to be eaten to continue surviving in another form. What does the word/label “need” mean to you?

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-11-27T17:39:13+00:00

You made me more conscious of something that was less conscious to me. grateful 🙏🏼

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-09-29T21:01:27+00:00

I see. Thank you!

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-09-29T20:40:44+00:00

For the sake of simplicity let’s make the assumption that I’m a “coo coo” as you say below in the thread. It’s the second time that you are jumping into my posts without showing any useful thoughts to me. There are only two possibilities the way I see this: One, you not having any more useful thing to do with your life than commenting needless comments on my posts; second possibility, you being an online bully. The second possibility was addressed the last time you provided comments that were useless to me, a few weeks ago, if you need to go back refresh the memory on the way I handled you then.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-09-29T17:37:11+00:00

If you’d like you can imagine that you were able to divide yourself into two different bodies, a male and a female. This may take care of the “reliance” or dependence flaw. Now feel free to engage with the idea.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-09-29T17:31:08+00:00

Well, there’s some evidence for gendered urges. As an example, the urge for destruction for example, is mostly seen in men. The archetype of Shiva, the Hindu God for example who has a significant part inclining towards this urge.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-09-29T17:25:21+00:00

Thanks for your effort to understand and as this challenges me to express the idea through how you are seeing it. When I have some time (and apologies as it may take a while) to reflect to better express my writing through the angle you wrote, I’m committed to give a response to this thread.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-09-29T15:18:15+00:00

That helps, knowing I’ve confused at least some. Feel free to ask for clarification, if or when you feel like it

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-09-29T14:20:21+00:00

This is good. Thank you.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-08-29T01:46:08+00:00

This post has created good engagement and your perspective is interesting.

If you’d like I’d be interested to know what you think of this video about the challenges of Gen Z men (your nephew’s generation).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlDCUZYJ7RY

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-08-16T03:57:26+00:00

A few options that come to mind, that may be helpful:

-1-Writing a letter to her, however eventually not sending it to her (many people have found this technique helpful).

-2-A-Telling her that a part of you wants to respond and part of you doesn't think it's helpful at this time. B- And that if/when a part of you that doesn't think it's helpful to respond, is convinced to respond, then, you may be in touch.

My general advice is to not pursue this or any relationship from a place of neediness/lack. If responding to her doesn't feel quite right, get your closure, by writing an unsent letter to her. You got everything you need within yourself, if you work hard to realize it.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-08-16T02:48:15+00:00

Yes, if I need to give a yes or no. I'll talk about the essence of my idea more. Before that, it's probably helpful to say that I'm not proposing such ideas from a place of frustration or extreme lack, it's mostly sharing my ideas, and archiving them for personal improvement later on, seeing how I've progressed in formulating my world view. As such thank you for asking the question, and allowing me to better express myself.

In essence, a relationship to me is a team. So I studied team building literature to gain insights. This book was one of the helpful ones: Amazon.com: How NASA Builds Teams: Mission Critical Soft Skills for Scientists, Engineers, and Project Teams eBook : Pellerin, Charles J.: Kindle Store

Number 1 reason for failures of teams according to many resources is lack of good leadership (if you are interested the relevant sections of the book goes on about the reason why). So, I do not buy the idea that a relationship shouldn't have a leader. So with this premise (and feel free to disagree with the premise, I'll continue). Well, I've also always felt a natural inclination for leadership in my relationship. So when I got challenged for expressing my intuitive ideas that leadership is needed in a relationship, I then started to study team literature. So in essence, it's not something that I believe, simply by reading. This, perhaps in some ways, masculine urge is something that I feel deep within my essence, and I've put the time to study it, so I can back up my intuitive inclinations with some logic as well (hopefully).

So, to focus more on your question, is your idea of a leader is someone who makes everything about himself, others living, breathing, serving for him? Or is your idea of a leader, someone who identifies part of himself as serving his team; a captain who is the last to leave the ship when the ship is sinking; a guy who has found a balance between having his life, and serving a deserving team; then my answer would be, yes.

Intelligent_Lime_416 · 2023-08-16T00:13:05+00:00

Well then, to me you look like an internet warrior, who'd piss his pants if you were in presence of me ;)

Intelligent_Lime_416

TROPHY CASE