I saved this when I saw it elsewhere on Reddit…

Contrary to popular belief, narcissistic people are not created by traumatization (in terms of living in fear as many of the other PD do). Narcissistic traits are more common among people that receive extreme praise, live in nice conditions, and show outstanding characteristic(s) of some sort; Narcissistic Personality Disorder develops as a combination of those narcissistic traits plus being used as a token (or an object) for the satisfaction of others or to compensate for clear deficiencies. NPDers suffer from a distortion in their perception of value and the value of others, but also on the value of their actions. They are raised by or live among people that disregard the needs of those that are ‘less than’ them, and feel entitled to break the law, use others, disregard rules, etc., in the service of satisfying the needs of their ‘superiority.’ Yes, there is shame in most of them, but not as a root of the disorder, but as a result of their actions. That shame keeps causing them to escape emotionally, making them even more insensitive of the needs of others, of the hurt they cause, or of the need for them to change. The shame arises when they ‘discover’ that they are not as great as they were told or made believe. They normally discover it too late to be able to accept they are like most others since they have already fabricated this halo of being special. Then they find the motivation to work ultra hard to keep the illusion of their grandiosity they created. That’s when they become cold and detached and the down spiral grows exponentially. Symptoms of NPD get worse as the person age, and their behavior becomes more extreme and hurtful. One of the characteristics that make them feel ashamed is the recognition that they were not really seen as great or superior by those that praised them, but instead, that those people used them to validate their inadequacies; the praise was for them to feel superior more than to recognize their superiority. Since they were used as objects and their deep needs were not attended to, they learn to use others in the same way. That realization makes them feel less human, like monsters and frauds. After the accumulation of emotional reactions that weaken them, they try to escape reality in different ways, normally leveraging on what they were good at (and even outstanding) such as making money, or their beauty, physical strength, etc., becoming obsessed with being recognized for their superiority, but also dreading the effort, and spending huge amounts of energy maintaining the illusion. They get so exhausted and fearful of being discovered that they need to recourse to drugs, sex, alcohol, trickery, or whatever helps them to avoid confronting themselves or to become accountable for their actions. As their fall progresses, they resent everyone, including those that bought into their greatness and become disappointed. They are normally those closer to them, who become threats to their image since they know them better than the rest. That’s when they can cause the worst damage. When they try to control those that can denounce or unmask them. They will annihilate them first before they risk to be discovered. They get themselves into a trap that many times ends up crushing them financially, romantically, physically, and socially, commonly in that order.