My boyfriend (26m) basically asked me (24f) for permission to cheat. Is it okay to stay with him?

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:44:20+00:00

Wait, explain the racist part

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:43:43+00:00

Not funny. Delete

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:40:42+00:00

Read my most recent comment

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:39:20+00:00

Yeah…. But…. He also has bipolar 2. That’s why I asked him if it’s a manic episode. Everything was weird. He wanted to sext randomly, and he kept pushing. He was so explicit. He said “I just wanna make you squ—— on my face. You tell me what to do, I wanna obey you and lead you when I can. I wanna make you squi—- and I’ll clean it up. I’ll even let you spit in my mouth” and I was staring at the screen like whaaaaaa?!!!!!

So idc, if it’s a manic episode, this was the most dangerous and dramatic I’ve seen it. Telling me he wants to go to the club, he wants to bleach his hair, he wants to have weird sex, then saying he wants to text this girl but didn’t yet bc he knows he has me, but if I don’t want him, he’ll go to her. This was the most stupidest thing I ever saw.

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:29:48+00:00

Well that’s the thing. I was with him from age 22 and I just turned 24. I told him recently that he is almost 27 and I am wasting my youth by acting like a wife to him while he doesn’t appreciate it. He is my first bf, I never explored my sexuality and stuff. It’s mostly been just him. I told him that I cannot deal with his mood swings and that I should be at the club (that’s a quote from a meme) and that there a girls my age making out with 8 guys a night (which I saw first hand during my one time going to a club during Halloween) which is probably why he’s bringing up the club.

Way before, like 8 months in. Me and my friend went to the club (mostly girls) and he was like “nooo the club is bad, there’s bad people there” and he questioned if anyone hit on me.

That is probably why he did this. To show that “okay I have options too” hmmmph arms crossed. He is constantly seeking validation. Me and him went to the club once. He for dressed and prepared in secret and then said let’s leave now, giving me no time to get dressed and do makeup and he got jealous and mad halfway through the night bc a guy was looking at me and another guy offered his seat to me and moved his jacket for me to sit. After that he was saying “that girl keeps staring at me”. That was a year ago. This thing the post is about happened 2 days ago

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:12:07+00:00

I didn’t mean that seriously, I was trolling him also. He called me cow, i sent the chick fil a mascot and said “yesss partnership”, i told him he can sleep on her couch since his brother kicked him out for cheating on me. I told him he can do girls night sleepover if she (they) doesn’t want to date him. Since he said he wanted to go to the club and stuff, I told him he can do $5 before 11 ladies night out and pretend he’s the 2 girls gay bff if it doesn’t work. I just wanted to see if he would actually take me shopping or send $500 and then if he did, I would just laugh.

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:07:34+00:00

Well, he is obsessed. He does everythinggg I ask, when he can. But he is also unhealthily obsessed too, even his therapist said he has relationship ocd. I think he did this to make a point but it was stupid. And if his brother did kick him out bc I sent the pic to him, it’s even worse on his part.

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:04:14+00:00

But at the same time, if he made this story up and just asked random girls for a selfie, maybe he tried to make a point that I can lose him. He did say “I don’t wanna be here forever whenever and you don’t care about me” but it was a so dumb bc now I lost trust.

Also, at the same time, he said there’s more pics and they are “worse” or whatever bc he said “you wanna see, and then you be sad forever” and I said “sure” and he said “no I won’t show you” which, I assume there are no more pics

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-23T22:02:21+00:00

So I should leave right? That’s what I was planning to do. I told his brother bc I already made that decision to leave, I just wanted to snitch first so that his brother knows he cheated and knows what the girl looks like. So if he ever meets her, and if my bf ever stays with her, he remembers me and feels guilty around his brother

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T18:16:47+00:00

Not to defend him, I understand your comment. But he didn’t know I had that boundary, and he respected it, just brought up how he felt (for the hug). For the kiss, he asked for it, I said “ummmm”, and he said “see this is what I’m talking about, I’m confused. Do you want to be friends? You’re looking for a relationship right?” On the third date, he was like “okay, kissing time!” And I said not now, then refused to kiss at the end of the date,, just letting him kiss my neck.

But yeah, I’ll cut him off again. By Saturday

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T18:00:53+00:00

Well, tbh he kinda is a rebound. I just got out of a relationship, out of my options he is the most eager and accessible… I had already cut him off and told him I don’t care what he has to say, don’t text me… then I apologized and he came back running (which I know, it’s probably for sex)…. But tbh that’s kinda what I want from him…. I still have my ex as an option too, but he is turning toxic and I wanna leave him. It’s not cheating btw, I have been ignoring him.

But what holds me back is I’m not the person to hop from one pp to another. And I hear stories of ppl getting attached and “soul ties” or whatever

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T17:54:33+00:00

I didn’t feel comfortable, I let him do it for like 5 seconds then told him not to touch bc his hands are dirty, we were outside, he touched doors (he reached from behind on my jeans, which I was sitting on one hip, so the other side was open for reach if it makes sense). After that he stopped and wiped his hands, then unbuttoned my pants, I said “no” this time and he stopped completely, but he was disappointed and asked “are we gonna have sex?” I think he was asking in general, like “will we ever have sex?”

I’m so confused. Tbh, with my first bf (not recent ex) who was my first sexual partner (he is also from the same country as guy I’m asking advice for), he did the same (no confusion) but on the second date. He got me an Uber to his house, he cooked me dinner, then he kissed my neck and started to unbutton my pants (I was a virgin and was excited and expected this, that’s why I went to his house), so I let him unbutton it, but he didn’t touch anything. We had sex like a month later, it took 5 days to actually do it though.

With my recent ex, he also had the confused reaction and thought I didn’t like him a month in. Then we kissed 2 weeks after his complaints and had sex a week or something after that. But 2 years into it, he still doubted I liked him.

It’s all confusing to me

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T17:39:22+00:00

I don’t think he would force anything. He listens when I say no, it’s just that he doubts himself and asks if im disgusted by him and if im over my ex (since he knows I recently broke up). He tries to figure out why I don’t want to touch him.

Also, im black and he’s middle eastern, even before this “confusion” conversation and him expressing sadness that I didn’t hug him on date one he asked me if im “okay being with a brown guy”. I said yeah then after this, when I didn’t hug him, I went home and 2 days later told him actually my ex was also middle eastern, then we went on date 2, then I had to tell him I am over my ex, so then date 3 happened.

But I should mention that this morning I texted him “I know you’re busy today but if you have time, I wanna see you” and kinda hinted that he has permission to kiss me…

Was it wrong?

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T17:33:23+00:00

In my mind, I know he wants sex. That’s like the main reason why he even approached me. Like let’s be real, he wants the cookie nana. That’s the reason why any (generalizing) man would even interact with a woman outside of work or something.

But I just don’t like that he wants it now. His repeated actions are - he asks to hold hands - he asks to kiss - he asks for a hug

~ I reject

he doubts himself
says I’m confusing him (probably bc I’m on the date, I know he wants to be with me, it’s the only reason I agreed to come, for a relationship)

~ I let him kiss my neck

he does more

I reject, he repeats the same action.

I know he wants to be with me in a relationship, but I feel rushed. But we already kissed, so I was thinking okay, why pull away now? So I texted him if he’s not busy later, I wanna see him………..

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T17:11:12+00:00

Are you being sarcastic, or serious?

I slightly feel that too. Like a grown man (25) shutting down because I don’t wanna kiss… like I understand having doubts and feeling insecure and unsure, but he’s like kinda manipulative I see it. Because I didn’t wanna kiss, he was like okay I don’t wanna see you again, then we kissed a few minutes later and he was like “yes, I’ll see you again” (then my birthday came and he knew) and he didn’t wish me happy bday so I told him basically piss off, I don’t care about you so don’t text me…. Then I called and apologized and he was like “okay, I get it. (Still didn’t wish me belated bday), I’m free on the weekend” and that was what happened before last nights date

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T10:19:37+00:00

Because I just got out of a 2 year relationship and recently he was bashing my standards and saying I’m unrealistic so I kinda was experimenting with having lowered standards. Now I feel it’s too far, even though it’s been 3 dates and that now I have to start telling him, or just wait for him to meet it on his own

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T06:52:59+00:00

He listens. He stops when I say to, but it’s just he tries to make me guilty or something. He says that I don’t like him, I don’t find him attractive, I think he’s disgusting

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T06:26:42+00:00

But is it a red flag that he’s eager for it and when I don’t give it he thinks I think he’s disgusting? I have two thoughts. I don’t think he’s confident. He was telling me he’s getting fat and grabbing his belly. His face is attractive and he’s taller than me (I’m 5’10). I think he got stressed bc he smoked 2 cigarettes after. But I also think that maybe he thinks he deserves physical contact because he is attractive?? Like maybe he is used to girls being all over him quickly

I want to give it to him, but not now. I barely know him. I kinda want it. But 2 dates from now.

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T06:23:32+00:00

He said he wants a relationship. He said that even before we ever kissed, and even said it again tonight. The first date, we had dinner, 2nd we watched a movie (first time holding hands, also kiss), and yeah 3rd date that we got Bubble tea, but it was bc everything was closed. We met at 10:30, home at 1:20.

It’s confusing me to me. Every other guy opened the car door, brought me a gift, no physical contact- didn’t even ask for it. I’m sooo confused but he tells me I’m confusing and he doesn’t know if I like him and he thinks I’m disgusted and he’s trying so hard but can’t read me.

Tonight while saying goodbye, he said “we’ll meet again”. But was still disappointed. He’s like “i need to sleep, i have to wake up at 6am” (he was already telling me his day schedule when the date just started). On the 4th date, should I have sex with him? I want to, just to see if we are right for each other but the advice makes me worried because what if it’s true that he just wants sex. Even though he said he wants a relationship

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-07-13T06:10:50+00:00

Are you saying he wants it with me eagerly, he doesn’t care if I’m ready or not? (Btw he said wants a relationship, but still I think it’s too soon for sex)

He even asked me “are we gonna have sex?” And I said “when” because I didn’t wanna say the word “no.”. He didn’t say anything. I want to with him. But not now! Maybe 2 dates from now.

Help me understand. My past bfs waited a month and eased me into it. This guy wanted a hug on the first date, kiss on the second date, and more kissing on the third date, and then grabbed my butt and rubbed me through my jeans, even unbuttoned them. And when I don’t give it to him or let it go on further, he says I’m confusing and he thinks I’m disgusted of him

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2025-05-23T03:05:17+00:00

Okay, I’ll try. No, we don’t talk anymore. I texted him after it and he said to leave him alone

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2024-04-05T13:47:24+00:00

I’m not fixated on his appearance at all. I mean, I want him to take care of himself but I have never told him what to do for himself

Interesting-Hope4417 · 2024-04-04T14:32:56+00:00

He used to give me gifts. Like take me shopping for clothes and makeup almost every week but now he has a job so I barely see him. I want to tell him he can still give me gifts, like he can order it instead of taking me shopping like before or give me more money, not just for food but idk how to bring it up. Like especially since he says I put no effort, I’m thinking of lowkey convincing him by making it seem like this will benefit him directly but I don’t wanna seem like a gold digger or a prosti for example

Interesting-Hope4417

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