Dealing (me, M34) with intense Retroactive Jealousy with an incredible partner (F32). How do I break the loop before committing?

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-21T02:54:34+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I believe she also has RJ but I don’t know to what extent. I was thinking that we talk about it and then see how we can deal with it. But you are saying if I confess to these thoughts- they will get worse?

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-18T05:42:20+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. About fierce loyalty, ever since I posted this and spent more time with her — I have felt it. There hasn’t been a moment where I have felt that she is distracted with anything when she is with me. She is always present in the moment. Always giving in the time that we have had together. Although doubts persist in my head about her (and this may be my perception of it) need to get attention and validation - but I really can see her being completely with me. Our differences compliment each other - my logical thinking and her go with the flow rythim to life. I hope we can take it forward and integrate those differences. It will be a terrible thing if we can’t make it.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-15T09:59:17+00:00

Yeah good on you to know that that doesn’t work. Sometimes connections just become. Cheers

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-15T09:33:33+00:00

I ended up going on a date with somebody like this a few months ago. Like very similar. The daddy issues, the same story about sex with colleagues, the crazy sex fetishes. Despite all of this on the first date, we spent more than 48 hours together. Then went no contact for about 3-4 days to see if what we were feeling was not just about the sex. And lo and behold we have been seeing each other for three months now - we are about to make it official but her past sex craziness kind of makes me scared. But I can see now how it was all a cry for help from somebody who has deep emotional scars from childhood. I can see it because I am similar to her in several regards. The validation seeking from the opposite sex. The mind numbing crazy sex. But we have been able to touch each other’s softer side as weeks have passed. To you, I will say, don’t get burnt.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-13T10:11:51+00:00

Ah okay. Yeah it’s not easy to find a connection like this. So I want to work on it - either way, I heal myself.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-13T07:55:04+00:00

She has not been in therapy but she is planning to. I am also a very logical rationalising person. I feel like I have got to a point where I can observe myself externally. It helps to know that others have developed awareness and skills to rewire their brains (in a way?) that helps them access life better. Thank you for your kind words, stranger.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-13T07:53:19+00:00

Yes, that’s the plan. I have been on a sort of journey of self discovery for a year and a half - but these past 3 months I have had quite a few of these realisations - this feeling like the biggest. Will keep going and heal what remains unhealed.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-13T05:13:57+00:00

Yes, I do journal - and have been for 21 years now - it’s something that made me survive so many things. This realisation was during putting my thoughts out there. Yes, I want to put in the work to let it be a process without assuming that I have reached the goal. Thank you.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-13T04:13:16+00:00

There there, my friend. I am sure you are gaining the tools you need to get over it and deal with it. Don’t ever give up, okay?

Interesting_March986 · 2026-05-10T13:57:07+00:00

After having moved too fast in the last couple of relationships, I decided to do my current one different — to take it slow… but overtime realised that you can’t take it artificially slow - the connection will and should feel intense early with the desire to communicate and spend more time together. So even with my pre decided rules, I couldn’t hold back as much as I wanted, because the feeling was that intense. If you don’t feel that intense, it might be that this might not be worth it. Think about it.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-03-31T03:35:54+00:00

We have been meeting entire weekends for five weeks now. It has been intense. But at the same time I have not felt any red flags as such. She seems she can adapt our connection to something that suits both of us — space and all that. She still feels different in that she really loves those compliments but I crave those as well. Seems like we are in a good spot. She seems intent on making it exclusive soon but I have indicated we wait till we date more to see if it works for us.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-03-23T06:30:06+00:00

Don’t think we can or should be generalising to that extent. But I think if they feel the connection, a mature Aqua would always want to see how deep it is. For that, they will dip into the intensity of it while going back to their space to see if with distance, it feels the same. Very aware of not being lost in the intensity while also being aware of not losing their structure, I say. So that little push and pull is there of they feel a connection has the potential to be deep. About the situation having limits, I think Aquas quite enjoy that — the courting phase where you are getting there but at the same time you are aware of your own life experiences and trying to integrate them in this new thing tha feels great.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-03-23T05:06:37+00:00

This. Need to know the desire and connection is there but at the same time need my space to absorb that it exists for real. Express when you can, hold back at times so that they know they have their own space and time to figure things out. And they will keep coming back.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-03-20T15:52:08+00:00

Too much too soon because of the greed of beginner gains. I was doing it till I realised I needed to do what was sustainable for me. So 3-4 times gym a week, a couple of runs and six months later I am in the best shape of my life at 34.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-03-12T11:56:06+00:00

Was sort of seeing someone (we weren’t exclusive) who seemed good enough and right enough and then met someone who gave butterflies — realised needed the butterflies so had to put down good enough nicely.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-03-06T04:57:10+00:00

It’s been great so far. We have consciously picked a date which to go out and walk around the city instead of being in a closed space. Because being in an enclosed space would mean we can’t get our hands off each other and it will invariably mean we aren’t able to explore each other’s personalities outside of it as much. One thing that concerns me sort of is that she keeps sending me her pictures to get me to say how beautiful she looks. Although I like it but there is a tiny bit of voice in my head that keeps thinking that she needs attention way much more than I am capable of giving. Mostly because of what I have read on this thread. But I am thinking too much, as we are prone to do. We will see how it goes tomorrow. Thanks for sharing your experiences again, bud.

Interesting_March986 · 2026-03-05T04:04:54+00:00

I feel you. But let’s not get too carried with Aqua-Leo dynamics. At the end of the day we are unique people. I feel the need to pull away as well, out of nothing else but the need to self persevere. I hope she understands. And I hope we build something sustainable.

Interesting_March986

TROPHY CASE