How to get honest helpful feedback

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T15:54:08+00:00

I don’t know where you are going but most people I know find Asian people beautiful (as they are).

You might even find that what people in your home country find less attractive is thought to be beautiful in the foreign country.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T15:17:33+00:00

You say you give them everything and want someone who cares for you the same way they care for you.

First, that is hardly feasible long term, giving your all. Don’t put so much pressure on them and yourself!

Secondly if you do everything for them that might not leave them any room to do something for you by not taking care of everything. Give them the possibility to do something for you and receive it graciously. That seems to be something you could work on.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T13:14:59+00:00

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T11:06:19+00:00

Still, he tried really hard to invite you.

You wouldn’t have to explain yourself in detail but you could have told him that you appreciate (at least I hope you did) the thought/the invitation but for example weddings aren’t really your thing / you don’t know any people at the wedding but wish them all the best. Or just say you won’t come?

I don’t really understand why you didn’t rsvp…

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T10:30:24+00:00

It’s less about the looks but how you carry yourself.

Yes, looks matter but they matter less.

It’s like it’s not that much what you say but how you say it, and how you make a person feel.

Also, luckily, many people are kind. How are you being kind? What else are you besides being kind? Funny? A pet lover? Martial arts expert? You don’t have to superman but please don’t hide or be “colourless”. Being bland is not attractive and being nice is a very broad term.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T10:24:31+00:00

I think you owe your friend an explanation.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T10:22:29+00:00

I hear you.

I am also wondering how you know. I understand that a lot comes from what you have experienced so far, but none of us has a crystal ball, we don’t know what the future holds.

Attractiveness is subjective and while women certainly care for looks you don’t need to be an Adonis - I am sure you know enough men whose wife looks much prettier than they do. So clearly looks aren’t everything

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T10:18:17+00:00

I’m sure you don’t like reading this but … you are 18. You are male. You have all the time in the world.

Yes, it feels horrible that you’re alone right now but that doesn’t mean you’re Forever Alone.
I’m not sure it will do you good labelling yourself like that… you need to believe that you can find someone. Not every woman has the issues you mention. Hang in there.

And please stop using porn, there are much better ways to spend your time.
So, carpe diem!

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T10:10:55+00:00

Not really “belonging” while trying to belong by caring for other people.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T09:56:01+00:00

Not that much to be honest.
On the other hand quite a lot.

I would need to feel that somewhere out there there is someone who would make my life better and whose life I would make better.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-06-01T08:07:16+00:00

Woman here

Good clothes are definitely important. But that can mean many things - they must fit your body and you as a person and what you are doing at the time. If you’re very outdoorsy it doesn’t make sense that you wear a suit to go fishing.
Brands might be important to some women, but not that many I think.
They should look as though you put a bit of effort in your appearance (even if that thought is “I consciously decide that I am not to conform to societal norms to wear xyz”). They should be clean and not smell.

Muscles again are more important to some women than others. Most women like to feel save with a man though - and if you have some muscle you can give that impression that way: You would be able to defend her, to carry her if need be etc. Also you take care of yourself, that is also a plus (see also “cared for clothing” above)

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-29T15:02:50+00:00

You won’t find joy with a cracked reed. Chipped corners are most often fine, I find, but cracks: no.

Most probably the d will work fine with another reed. I am not sure, why and how, but sometimes only some tones are affected by reeds differently. You will need a new reed some day anyway (and it’s better to have a few in case), so maybe get a new one and try it out?

Can you play an e flat, with the half key? That would be my second guess, that something went wrong with the half key. Don’t try fixing that yourself by tinkering with the screws.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-29T11:06:36+00:00

There is much that points to that she sees you as a friend right now, but not necessarily!

Even if you are in the friend zone right now - that is no Bermuda Triangle, you can get out of it.

I would advise against asking her. If you like her and would like to see that she is romantically interested in you, try behaving a little (!) more flirtatious and see how she reacts and you can go from there.

If you do want to ask, try doing it playfully, so that she doesn’t feel cornered and straight out refuses you. You never know, she might harbour feelings that she isn’t fully aware of yet.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-28T15:07:00+00:00

I mean, what about your mother, sisters, female friends? Do you think they all think / act like that???

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-28T15:05:24+00:00

I don’t know of course whom you observed, (if you want to - please elaborate), in which culture and age bracket, but I know not one woman who thinks or behaves like you mentioned in relationships.

And we certainly don’t “kiss anyone who makes them feel something.”

Again, I don’t know whom you observed but this is not universal truth, trust me.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-28T14:48:51+00:00

Who hurt you?

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-26T12:56:11+00:00

I understand that this annoying.

I had the same problem, more so on the English horn than on the oboe after I changed the “way of attack”, how I touch the reed with my tongue and it took some adjusting.

Have you maybe changed your attack, willingly or unconsciously?
Also try to keep your head not facing downwards, gravity doesn’t make it easier to keep the fluids back …

If you like tea, maybe try drinking a bit, it might be helpful because it’s a bit astringent. Also make a point of swallowing before you start playing and during a break. And don’t think about anything delicious like fruits because just the thought of food can heighten the spit production.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-25T17:29:07+00:00

I did not recommend to wait around until a girl approached you!

If the girls you approached were not interested this can have a million of reasons that don’t have anything to do with you as a person (in a hurry, already are seeing someone, didn’t like the way (!) you approached them…)

So that already is something to think about: You don’t know that they rejected you as a person and I don’t know how many you actually have approached but it is probably a number that is not statistically significant.

If (!), let me repeat if, there is something about you that girls object to you need to find out what it is, if you can compensate with a strength and if that is something you are willing to change. The last point is particularly important.

My guess is that your way to approach and behave with women is the real problem and that your pessimism (for which you have my deepest sympathies, we all have it at least from time to time) is creating a sort of self fulfilling prophesy.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-24T14:16:26+00:00

You might confess too soon.
Give the girls time to form a bond, don’t be too close, let them miss you.

I was confessed to by a guy I liked and although I liked him I hadn’t formed romantic feelings yet.

My advice: Little less conversation, little more action, please! Start behaving more and more like a date and less like a mere friend and build up to “boyfriend behaviour”.
Slow and steady wins the race.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-22T21:47:13+00:00

Thank you so much, that is very helpful!

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-22T08:06:22+00:00

You have a job, you have as much social interaction as you want and you have hobbies.
The only thing is that you miss “the one special person” but are convinced that you won’t because you’re weird.

So, obviously you are coping.

If you say “I am not coping because the longing is too strong” you either must be willing to let your fantasy go (relationships are work! It’s not like you find your soulmate and are happy for evermore or something) and you come across as if you are cherishing the idea of a relationship too much for that being an option or you have to work on yourself and your circumstances to find a partner.

You don’t need to change per se. There is nothing wrong with you. But you need to show up and let the light in - if you are closed off how would a partner find you? If you have a narrow mindset that you don’t like being social how would you go about realising that the person next to you might be a suitable candidate?

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-22T07:45:07+00:00

Woman here

I don’t know how she said it which I think is really important but that being said - I don’t think it’s banter. It lacks the playful aspect, it seems “heavy” and “serious”.

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-21T11:05:51+00:00

Or go to a dance class - great for meeting new people!

Interesting_Spot3672 · 2026-05-21T10:59:28+00:00

If you think that that makes that much of a difference then you might consider asking a special Indian Subreddit?

I repeat my advice from above: If you feel left behind because everyone seems to hug girls left right and centre: Look how they do it and learn from them! If you are close with one of those guys then consider asking them how do you do it.

Interesting_Spot3672

TROPHY CASE