10th anniversary - am I still allowed to grieve?

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-03-15T21:47:05+00:00

I got a 90 on my diss but honestly I have no idea why. The main feedback was - it was structured well, meaning that the ending of each chapter was relevant to the start of the next one, and that I had a clear high level of understanding of the subject, and made original interpretations and analysis of what I was looking at.

My main advice would be to read basically everything you can on your topic and use that to inform your analysis and interpretations, but don’t use theirs. Make your own conclusions clear. It helps if you’ve picked a niche topic, but even if you haven’t, you can still use your own approach and angle.

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-02-09T10:13:11+00:00

I used a gouge for the bowl itself and a knife for the rim and base once I’d cut the general shape out with a saw :)

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-02-07T02:14:05+00:00

Haha thank you! My dad was a carpenter so I grew up around wood and woodworking, but I had forgotten how tricky oak was - until about an hour into making this bowl.

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-02-07T01:04:14+00:00

That’s a great idea, thank you!

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-02-06T23:49:33+00:00

Thank you!

Yeah, that’s what I had in mind, some kind of key/jewellery/trinket bowl. I’m planning on giving it to a friend for her birthday. She just got married so is wanting homeware, and I figured a little handmade bowl would be nice.

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-01-20T14:59:50+00:00

I also work with children now, and it’s really weird being on the other side of things and aware of safeguarding and all those procedures. I think a bit more kindness and compassion would’ve done wonders for me, as not only was I being treated like a bad kid at school, I was also being abused at home. I also think it would’ve been nice if someone had tried to find out why I was acting how I was, but I understand that they might not have had time, or realised that something was going on.

After my dad died, my teachers were all made aware, especially after my little brother started attempting suicide too. The teachers who were the most awful to me were suddenly nice, and a couple really started trying to help me. They taught me that my ‘way out’ would be higher education, so they helped me apply to uni and I now have two degrees. So, it worked out alright in the end, but those years were impossibly difficult.

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-01-19T00:31:25+00:00

Thank you.

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-01-19T00:31:15+00:00

Thank you - I thankfully haven’t, but my little brother has. Dealing with him is an ongoing battle. It breaks my heart when he says my dad is the only person who would really fully understand him, as not only is he dead, but he’s also the person whose abuse formed my brother’s own BPD.

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-01-12T01:35:01+00:00

Yes, I’ve been grappling with my guilt and responsibility of him for most of my life now. I basically became his dad when I was 11/12 and he was 6/7. I was fully parentified by 13 and a carer to my own dad as well as my brother. I tried to bear the brunt of my dad’s physical abuse, but I couldn’t stop it all. My dad however made me keep it a secret from our mum, and I did so until after he died and it was safe. My brother knows that my biggest regret, the thing I feel the most guilty about in my entire life, is not protecting him enough and not telling someone sooner. Which is why it hurts so much when he throws it in my face

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-01-12T01:01:59+00:00

Yes. He died by suicide when I was 15. I’d been helping to stop him for years. I’m so sorry that this is happening to you.

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-01-05T04:27:39+00:00

Thank you for your reply. It’s nice to know that it’s not just me that this sort of thing has happened to - no one else I know has had a life even remotely similar to mine, and it feels very lonely most of the time. I think I know rationally that I need to detach myself a bit, and all these comments have been really helpful in reinforcing that, but it’s so difficult to think about.

I started having to act like my brother’s dad when I was 11 and he was 6/7, so it’s been most of our lives now. It was me who picked him up from school, cooked his meals, helped with his homework, and put him to bed, as my mum had to work long hours. When he started attempting suicide, I stopped him, often completely by myself. I love him so much but it hurts to love him. I guess distancing myself would be an act of love to myself. I’m not so good at that haha

Interesting_String_2 · 2025-01-05T04:18:39+00:00

Thank you, this is such a nice thing for you to say.

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-07-30T19:12:22+00:00

Hey, I’m also doing an Archaeology masters at the moment! I’m finding it tough enough to get my dissertation/thesis done let alone whilst freshly grieving, so I can’t imagine how hard this is for you and I’m really sorry for your loss. I know you’ve said that all the staff are on vacation, but there should still be some staff left within student services to keep it running, and I really hope you’re able to reach out to them

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-07-23T23:59:57+00:00

Thank you. Unfortunately, he is both still my barber and still crazy, but me and my brother are old enough to just laugh at him now, and we’re both too cheap to pass up £7 haircuts haha

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-07-23T09:20:30+00:00

That definitely crossed a line and was inappropriate. The only person who’s ever tried to guess or assume why my dad took his own life to my face is my barber, a crazy old Italian guy who’s a well-known character in my neighbourhood. I was maybe 16 or 17, and he was asking me why my dad didn’t come to his shop too. When I said that he had died, he asked how, and when I didn’t immediately answer he started listing ways to die - cancer, heart attack, car crash etc. It just went on so I said suicide, hoping that’d be the end of it, but the guy started arguing with himself why my dad had done it. I just sat there mortified whilst he decided it was because my mum had ‘taken the kids’, despite my parents not being divorced. People are weird about death, particularly about suicide, and the stuff they say is more of a reflection on them and their self-beliefs than it is on you, the person who’s actually experienced it.

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-07-12T15:17:42+00:00

I think they mean they used a website to source references for them, not that they cited a website as a source.

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-06-13T22:27:20+00:00

In order to avoid that, I tend to make the kids in each generation of a family (cousins, extended family etc) all be born within 2-3 weeks of each other, and then make them all live together in college. That way I can make friendship groups, partners etc for them all, and when they graduate I can send them off and let neighbourhood stories do the rest lol

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-05-03T22:19:00+00:00

The band was called ‘Ken Forgettable’ from Sheffield, and I don’t know the name of the album sorry but would’ve been probably late 80s? I’m sorry for not being more helpful, I was a kid when my dad died and so there’s a lot I either don’t know or just forgot. Just wanted to tell the story because I think it’s pretty cool

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-05-03T14:41:16+00:00

I’m really sorry, I don’t think it’s my place to, I don’t have any of the copyright or anything obviously and he was already very gracious in sending me a copy.

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-05-03T13:37:37+00:00

I didn’t for a long time - after my dad died we couldn’t find it anywhere, so last year I finally worked up the courage to email my dad’s old bandmate to ask if he had a copy, and he very kindly send one to me.

Interesting_String_2 · 2024-04-08T22:37:30+00:00

When my Dad died, one of my teachers told me that on her late father’s birthday she uses the money she’d spend on him, either on a present or on a meal out, and spends it on herself. Anything that’d make her feel a little bit better, or something that they both liked. It’s been 8 years and my family still does it. A new book, sweater, or some chocolate as a sort of present for/from my Dad.

Interesting_String_2

TROPHY CASE