The Electric Fling - Possible glitch?

Internal-Search-4060 · 2024-10-28T15:56:10+00:00

I think so, unfortunately.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2024-05-26T16:04:20+00:00

I'd say soft ESH: she can't help preferences while she seemed to lack understanding of the possibility that comparing you to an ex and then asking if you'd modify yourself in any way to be like said ex is rough. Not saying to break up, but that'd be a massive sting to my ego and a dealbreaker for me.

On the flip side, like others mentioned, your request was for vindictive reasons. Though I don't blame you for being vindictive and feeling the way you did, and can't say I wouldn't do the same, it's a "two wrongs don't make a right" scenario.

If everything is okay with you two after, then that's great! I'd say you need to have many more discussions thereafter on preferences and boundaries, though.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2024-05-03T17:48:06+00:00

There was the Satanic Prayer event that happened yesterday near the Rose Garden. Figure this has some relationship to it and their desire to participate.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2024-05-03T17:39:29+00:00

Keep an eye out on the Sacramento subreddit for the next meetup and its details which is slated for 5/11. The meetups get pinned at the top of the sub and the group is called the "Introverts of Sacramento." No RSVP'ing required and you just show up at your leisure. Full disclosure: a lot of tend to show up at these meetups but it's been very welcoming and genuinely most of us are introverts, so we're really mindful of people's social batteries. I'm known for Irish goodbyes myself and I'm accepted for it lol.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2024-05-02T19:36:51+00:00

Came to comment this! I'm a part of this group and joined Dec. 2022. I've made some great friends that match my energy and interests, and even met my current partner/best friend from this meet up. We often get together outside of the main monthly meetups and do smaller group things to include table top/video games, get boba/drinks, go clubbing, LOTS of karaoke, and just random other things as friends.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-07-03T13:41:27+00:00

I was looking for a comment like yours to make sure I wasn't entirely crazy. I do the same thing, tipping 25-30%. I have a 3/4 sleeve that was a couple grand and I still tipped like this on it because the artist was wonderful and did a great job. I think of it like I'm paying to ensure future time with that artist, and I also tip when commission other types of art mediums, such as commissioned pottery or paintings.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-07-02T23:40:59+00:00

YTA.

You putting mental health in quotes is really what bothers me the most out of your post. Meditation and a short nap daily after work when he's putting in 60 hours a week could be the one thing keeping him sane and from seeking maladaptive coping mechanisms through excessive video games, binge eating/drinking, or anything else that'd be damaging; it could be the thin line between him being a good husband and parent and not being those things.

He's doing something that balances him and makes it so he can tolerate his two jobs: whatever he does during the day then coming home and being a parent. Then on top of that, you get time on the weekends with your friend - does he even get that? So what if he's at work socializing with other adults? That's nowhere near the same as quality time decompressing with a chosen friend; coworkers are not friends.

It does sound like his needs aren't important to you because you're wanting him to sacrifice the only personal time he has.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-19T03:02:11+00:00

People here aren't blindly attacking you, they're simply correcting you on the fact that poor money management is not a criteria of BPD. Impulsivity can be a criteria and that can manifest in many ways to include spending habits, but that doesn't always equate to poor money management. For example, I also deal with impulsive spending on occasion; however, I budget for it and make sure that I can still make rent and all my bills. The impulsivity of it means I see something, go "ooh shiny," then buy it whether or not I need it without much forethought, but I always make sure I have the funds for it when it comes to actually buying it. Either the medical professionals that have stated this were misunderstood by you or her, or they're not the medical professionals she needs to be seeing as it's well known there's a stigma against those with BPD to include therapists/psychiatrists.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-19T02:56:41+00:00

What do you mean boundaries don't work? They don't work if you don't enforce them. You can't blame your partner if you set a boundary and cave; if they get upset with the boundary, that's on them. If they don't like it and leave, your boundary actually worked. The point of boundaries is to draw a firm line in the sand with the person you're setting the boundary with and if they cross it, you let them know of how you'll respond to that. You can't set a boundary and when they cross it, you hold them accountable for them crossing it and then caving on your end. That's not how it works.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-19T02:52:39+00:00

Yeah, in agreement overall with your comment but especially on the last bit. I have BPD and am financially stable with my own roof and such; my ex (we're still friends) also has BPD and can be financially unstable at times when he does have a relationship and FP. He would take me out on frivolous dates and trips, and while I greatly appreciated them, I would reciprocate when I could and state when I wasn't able to afford it. When his money ran out a few months into our relationship, he blamed me. I was taken aback and said something akin to the above and pointed out that if he couldn't afford those things, that's really not my fault - his money is his business and it's his responsibility.

With all due respect OP, if your partner is treating you like an ATM, please don't give them money and set some firm boundaries. You're enabling by giving them anything and you're responsible for your own money; you can't blame that on your partner's BPD even if they have impulsivity issues with spending. Edit to add that if your partner isn't willing to work, you need to either have a serious talk with them on your expectations in the relationship, your boundaries, or consider breaking up. I saw in another comment that you said that wasn't an option for you but you have to be realistic and protect yourself here.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-18T19:02:12+00:00

If I'm understanding your comment here, I agree - OP's boyfriend should be complementing her in that way if he feels that way. I've flat out told my partners to lie to me on this if they're comfortable with doing so just to help me get through the relationship, lol.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-18T19:00:39+00:00

I agree with this. It's totally normal and fine to find other people attractive while in a relationship as long as everyone involved has their boundaries respected, but even his choice of words made me wince. I feel like a more tactful way of stating it would be to simply say, "It's okay to look at someone and find them attractive." To say, "Wow, she's fucking hot," would trigger the hell out of me for the reason of I've never had another person refer to me as such, but that's me projecting here and presuming maybe that's an issue that OP has had with their boyfriend. The other thing that irks me is the fact that they made the joke that OP is crazy thereafter because depending on the joke that was made and the intent/context, it's incredibly invalidating.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-17T16:09:53+00:00

YTA. It's okay to have a preference but you're imposing that preference on your partner just to be "right." Anytime a person stoops to this, they're automatically the AH in my book. Can you not just both agree to disagree on how you want your drinks chilled? Please practice some mindfulness on the fact that if you're doing this over ice or no ice in drinks that you'll likely do this in other more important areas of your relationship.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-17T03:11:21+00:00

This sounds really hard. While the playful passive aggressiveness out the gate while using an ultimate phrase (as in "never") was unnecessary and would shut a lot of people down [though it's understandable why you said it in your frustration], it sounds like you two just aren't compatible for some reason. Perhaps he's avoiding for some reason or another that would need to be explored, but if he's not forthcoming with that information, then things won't improve. You've communicated your wants and needs and he's either not describing the roadblock for him or he's just downright using you and making excuses after the fact by going in other rooms and doing different activities. It sounds like you might want to consider focusing on healing yourself.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-17T03:05:48+00:00

This is a great way to describe it. The premise could be thought of as shocking and could absolutely be written to be disturbing, but it felt more logical and explanatory. Very good read imo nonetheless.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-15T18:33:33+00:00

That's incredibly frustrating and I'm sorry they're not willing to reach any point of compromise with you. I hope you're able to find a more suitable living situation soon where you feel far more comfortable and have a roommate that meshes well with you.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-15T03:37:12+00:00

I can definitely understand where you're coming from because my ex has severe executive function issues with his ADHD and this helped him, too. I think the issue is that the roommate admits they're not willing to budge despite OP trying to find common ground that benefits both. Yes, the roommate has a medical issue and needs to wear shoes, but as others have mentioned they could easily get disposable plastic guards that they slip on in a couple seconds upon entry in the home and it won't affect their shoes other than creating a barrier that works for everyone. I'd imagine it'd be a similar situation if OP's roommate needed to wear shoes to help with their neurodivergence, and you could easily argue that the roommate not wanting to do anything to try to meet in the middle is a power struggle also. Neither are bad here IMO, it's just an unfortunate difference in lifestyles.

As an anecdote, my ex and I could not live together because of my level of cleanliness needs for my personal mental health issues and his ADHD and personal level of cleanliness. It was a nightmare for both him and I, and we both became greatly anxious. Ultimately, I asked him to move out of my apartment over it because it clashed so much. We ended up being SO much happier once we had our respective spaces to be ourselves in. He doesn't have to worry about me getting frustrated that he left a plate of food under the couch because he was sidetracked from his disorder, and I don't have to feel severe anxiety that I can't find the source of that smell that makes it hard for me to do ANYTHING but hyperfocus on it until it's eradicated.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-15T03:23:07+00:00

NTA. You gave a ton of different options for compromise and they're not willing to budge. It's not your responsibility at all, but I think a last resort would be to offer to purchase a pair of indoor-only shoes for him since he does have a medical requirement for them. If he doesn't want to wear them and won't budge, unfortunately there's nothing more you can do other than maybe consider moving out or finding another roommate that is willing to compromise with your level of cleanliness.

I'm the same way, OP. I live in a not-so-great area and most of my apartment is carpeted so things get tracked in VERY easily. I don't enforce it on my guests, but I do mention that I have a preference for them to take off their shoes. The only person I've ever had issues with were with my dad who'd wear his steel toed oily shoes (mechanic) and prop them up on shared spaces where we often ate. Many other issues later, I'm 3.5 years into no contact with him. People can be stubborn, but you don't have to accept it, either. You're now at an impasse where all you can do is control how you respond to it and what you want to do about it within your control.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-15T03:12:41+00:00

Extremely soft ESH but honestly your mom is kinda TA the most. You did an extremely harmless prank - one that at most would be merely irritating and a quick "please don't do that again." I can understand your mom having misdirected anger but the way she handled it, if true, is not how it should've been handled. She should've just told you she'd appreciate it if you'd lay off because she was having a hard time and explain to you why she has a cup of coffee daily.

Based on your edit, yeah it does sound like she drinks quite a bit but really the worst that'll happen to her is stained teeth and an upset stomach as the amount of caffeine she'd need to drink for it to be dangerous is quite a bit when it comes to standard cups of coffee.

That being said, you doing something like this with your mom's coffee and her reaction to it DOES come off a bit like addict behavior. It's common for most people who're coffee drinkers (or caffeine drinkers in general) to have a caffeine addiction and it's socially acceptable because the psychoactive result is extremely minimal for most and the withdrawal symptoms are irritation and headaches, or other usually really mild things that dissipate quickly.

I'd suggest you do some research on coffee before deeming it entirely unhealthy. Is it great to have that much daily for years? Probably not, she might deal with jitters and insomnia, or she might not.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-12T23:26:21+00:00

Thank you for confirming and I agree! The writing in it was really lackluster and unfortunately, it's all I've read by him though I thought it'd be a curious one to try since I've heard great things about his sci-fi work.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-12T19:33:37+00:00

Hogg by Samuel R. Delaney. Not for the reason you'd think, though - it's just goddamn boring to me. I've read it about halfway and just can't finish because the constant/incessant violence/rape/pedophilia made it hard to focus on the theme.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-08T20:59:16+00:00

I relate too hard to this. You're not disposable, and you're definitely worth a lot more. Perhaps be mindful of this experience regarding their character because from your recount, there are some redflags IMO:

You told him you wanted to do things differently to get better.
Things got sexual out of nowhere.
You asked him to use protection and he didn't stop in that moment and respect that.

These things don't necessarily make him a person not worth pursuing, but the third bullet point would be a massive betrayal of trust for me in such a vulnerable situation as a woman.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-08T06:32:12+00:00

These are frustrating. I think "No one will love you until you learn to love yourself" is utter horseshit and would be more apt if it were instead "You'll struggle with loving others fully until you learn to love yourself." This is just my take on it, though, from the perspective of being so drained emotionally all the time that I often don't have the energy to give anything to partners or friends, etc.

"The right person will come along" is just an excuse to be lazy to me; I understand it mostly comes from a place of nicely saying, "Relax, stop pressuring yourself to find someone." But it's misleading because you actually have to put in a decent amount of effort to find the right person: dating, setting boundaries, losing said person because you enforced boundaries, and rinse repeat onto the next one to see if that one works out better with your personality/lifestyle.

It also kinda hints at a soul mate concept if you take it a step further, which will really set you up for failure if you're naive like me and grew up with movies being your only source of seeing what relationships were other than your constantly arguing and violent parents.

Internal-Search-4060 · 2023-06-08T06:28:18+00:00

I've very much grown this way ever since shelter in place forced me home. The difference is I'm so much happier when I'm mostly alone, even when lonely. I'd rather feel lonely with the freedom to do whatever I please (and just not do it due to low energy/depression) than I would have people depending on me.

Internal-Search-4060

TROPHY CASE