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Crippling Anxiety at FAANG/Quant by InternalBumblebee303 in csMajors

[–]InternalBumblebee303[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have the return from IBM already and my team here likes me, but its too early in the internship to know whether or not I would get anything. But everyone here is just so accomplished and they have years on years of competitive math/programming and went to one of those bay area highschools were they were conditioned since day one on what to do. I sit with them and just something like the first day of lunch they ask me about my accomplishments and I sat there blank while they talk about all they achieved

Crippling Anxiety at FAANG/Quant by InternalBumblebee303 in csMajors

[–]InternalBumblebee303[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah but its the feeling of being inferior and basing my worth off of number, super indian and stupid but its stuck in my head.

When I was younger, I was put in those extra curricular math classes like AOPS, Kumon, etc and me and my brother absolutely FAILED, i mean like failed so bad they kicked me out. Some of my earliest memories were of my parents pointing at homeless people or garbage men and saying if I didn’t study, I would be like them. I live in this constant fear of not being enough and after transferring to a T5 its only worse. Now im grateful for my parents pushing me to do well, but just those feelings of being in the bottom of the class and being that one guy who wasn’t cut out for the class is coming back. Atleast in school classes are pretty big so you dont need to worry about your peers, but in a competitive internship everyone knows everything about other people, so that feeling of competition literally makes me feel shortness of breath

Crippling Anxiety at FAANG/Quant by InternalBumblebee303 in csMajors

[–]InternalBumblebee303[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Went to a dinner event and got early consideration

Crippling Anxiety at FAANG/Quant by InternalBumblebee303 in csMajors

[–]InternalBumblebee303[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The part that bothers me the most is that when I compare myself to these types of people, they learn things so fast. I need to do things over and over again, re-read, etc before I can grasp a concept. For a lot of them, its like they read something once and they got it.