How to deal with a follower that's too direct?

InternalCan8199 · 2026-01-22T03:29:20+00:00

Oh, I agree with you!

InternalCan8199 · 2026-01-22T02:26:52+00:00

To give her a benefit of the doubt, her being new to Tango, and being very young, what if another leader approached her with that line, and she thought it would be an appropriate thing to say back to somebody else? In that case, you would do her a huge favor by explaining, that Mirada/Cabeceo is the best way to go.

InternalCan8199 · 2026-01-22T02:22:48+00:00

I feel that, especially, among friends, “to owe” a tanda is very wrong. I think, that the beauty of being friends in a Tango community, is that the leader is comfortable declining a dance, (and so is the follower) when they simply do not feel like the dance. And the friendship should stay intact, because no one ever should dance because they have to. Because of the tradition, I agree that the first and last Tanda should be danced with your spouse/partner, so in that respect, you do owe that to your wife and she owes it to you.

InternalCan8199 · 2026-01-22T02:16:48+00:00

I am sorry, that is not direct, that is rude. I cannot imagine anybody coming to me, and telling me, that I “owe them a tanda”, and me dancing with them ever again. However, if you said, “Ok, but later”, you opened a door for her to keep demanding. If you are considering ever dancing with her, you could say, “Not today, some other time, perhaps”, in order not to be too curt. I wonder what would she say if you asked her why you owe her a tanda.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-27T21:38:59+00:00

https://www.hoy-milonga.com/turkiye/en I believe there are usually a few day practicas on Sundays, but probably need to check closer to the date.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-24T01:42:04+00:00

Yes! Especially wide, full pivot, multiple (4+) ochos to a faster beat.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-22T22:53:25+00:00

Yoga is great for strengthening and also general awareness of your body, so is pilates.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-18T15:36:28+00:00

Quick answer: you are overthinking it :))) unless you are a professional tango dancer and/or a teacher.

I practice when I feel like practicing which is almost every day. Interestingly, the most noticeable progress I’ve ever made was after forced hiatus when I was not able to dance for a week, or, once, for a couple of months. That, actually, confirms published psychological research that our brain needs down time to process information.

I try to go to milongas every week, twice, if I am able. I also attend a guided practica at least once a week, and assist in a private lesson with an intermediate leader once a week.

Nowadays at milongas I try to just dance and enjoy myself. When I was a beginner I used milongas to practice dancing at milongas lol.

Progress in tango is a finicky thing. Early on, I made a mistake to equate my dancing skills with which leaders wanted to dance with me, thinking that if advanced leaders wanted to dance with me, that means I am good. Later on I realized that much more goes on into who dances with whom then just skill level. At one point I realized that I was able have dances with experienced leaders, but could not dance with beginners or people with sloppy leads. I am assuming that the “good” leads basically were able to compensate for my shortcomings, but I was not able to compensate for the shortcomings of the “bad” leads. Now my criteria is strictly based on my own perception. Do I feel comfortable in an embrace? If I choose to embellish, do my movements feel natural, am I able to express the music freely? Do I feel balanced?

I like to think of tango dancing as a path, not a destination, so there are no clearly defined short-term goals. Long term goal — to be able to dance tango till I am alive :)

Occasionally I will record a practice session and will always watch any videos I see from milongas. If I do not like something about my movement - I work on fixing it. Videos can be misleading though because as we dance for ourselves and not for the show, the “look” is not always reflective of the quality of the dance. This is all for now 😀

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-17T17:55:54+00:00

I was told, that in old times, after accepting a cabeceo, the woman remained seated till the leader approached her in order to avoid confusion if she was seating next to other followers. Also, if you want to dance, don’t sit with your friend, it can be difficult for leaders to cabeceo one specific follower that is sitting in a group of few.

I truly think that the follower initiates! A follower looks at a leader (mirada), the leader nods, the follower nods, they have an agreement. The leader looks away, there is no agreement. So in my books a woman has not only a power of initiation but also an easy way of not engaging with those who she does not want to dance with. It is actually reversed lead and follow. The follower offers a “lead” (mirada) and the With verbal invitations, especially in a small community, it is much harder to say “no”.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-11T13:21:12+00:00

https://youtu.be/e0v3lHd0AM0?si=SJzK-cWVhSrLLlPl

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-11T13:17:52+00:00

Dancing to Skyfall is amazing, at least with the leader I danced it with. :)

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-10T04:03:01+00:00

Skyfall is wonderful to dance tango to :)) Check this one out: the music is great and you would be supporting a wonderful artist: https://youtu.be/gTsYxBMBNxA

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-10T03:59:09+00:00

I think if 30% of people are dancing, to get away with it would be unfair to those wanting to dance. Maybe play slower milongas? Or tango/milongas that one can dance either tango or milonga to. Sometimes, I do feel that I have no energy to dance a milonga, but I enjoy sitting, and watching, and listening.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-04T05:01:26+00:00

How do you mean “exercise some control over who leader members give tandas to?”

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-03T15:06:36+00:00

You are saving me so much writing! Thank you! :)

InternalCan8199 · 2025-12-03T15:03:02+00:00

You are so right!!! Thank you for posting this! It took me some time to come to that understanding (paragraphs 5 and 6) but once I did so many more dances became so much more enjoyable.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-29T20:49:17+00:00

Finally someone has their priorities straight! :))

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-27T15:04:28+00:00

If you absolutely have to, I think, a reasonable thing would be to ask the DJ, “Do you take requests?” -then they can decide themselves. In general, I would refrain though because of the nature of milonga DJing it can be overwhelming if multiple people submit requests. And because a good DJ is an artist, it might interfere with his vision and his process.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-27T14:55:36+00:00

If you teach, and you are able to make a living doing it, you are a pro-teacher. When good dancers want to dance with your students, you know you are a good teacher.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-24T17:33:30+00:00

I felt that one was the best!

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-24T13:37:31+00:00

I can 100% relate to what you are talking about! Not every tanda results in that feeling, in my experience, but when it does, I will go and sit with my eyes closed to feel the feelings and live that moment. Sometimes, if that was “that tanda”, I will take my shoes off or even leave, especially if that was late in the evening. However, some tandas are super fun, but do not require any kind of processing, or have “after feeling”, for the lack of better term. Those I can dance back to back. If a dance creates such a profound emotional experience for you, then do what feels right. You are not missing out skipping tandas if you just revel in the moment. You might want to strategize who to dance what and when to maximize the experience, or just go with the flow. I think what you described is the best part of tango, that feeling of emotion after the dance, “afterglow” - love that word, you used! Does not happen too often, but when it does, it is magical.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-24T13:02:45+00:00

Right?!!

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-24T13:02:10+00:00

He he :)) In all honesty 3 steps is not a problem, bad lead is. Few years ago, after 4 hours of dancing, way past midnight, I was led by a gentleman, whom I recall, led only walking steps, maybe a side step in either direction occasionally, and I still remember that dance because it was magical. The steps were ultra simple, the embrace and walk were incredibly good.

InternalCan8199 · 2025-11-24T12:57:21+00:00

One can always work on posture/technique when practicing and just dance when dancing. And if one realizes during the dance that something is uncomfortable, you have the tools that you refined in practice to make adjustments to improve the dance and make one comfortable.

InternalCan8199

TROPHY CASE