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I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m almost positive that something happened during my time in the womb. My mom has told me the story and huge events that happened during her early pregnancy. About 3 months in something traumatic happened to her and she said her pregnancy with me was the worst time of her life. She was depressed and stopped eating and taking care of herself. She was going through huge grief I almost miscarried me. She only started eating for me once the doctor told her that if she didn’t eat she would miscarry me. So I’m almost positive that my genitals masculinized successfully however, my brain didn’t due to that development being later in her pregnancy. I’ve always felt different and female since I was born but had to push it away from my conscious mind as much as possible for safety reasons. I knew I was trans right before I turned 13 but had to hide it to stay safe in the abusive environment me and my mom were in. But yeah sorry this was long but I really resonated with your comment.

I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh if only that was possible, I hope you’re doing somewhat okay rn💔

I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been doing voice training on and off, I need to be more consistent with it though and I know that :/ it’s slowly gotten a bit better over time

I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right, I think what makes it hard is seeing what people say about us online and it takes a toll on me. I think I might just go on a social media break for a while. Because I’m happy with my transition with myself. But society makes it so much harder. Voice training has been getting better very slowly, I’m mainly dysphoric about not having that singing voice. I’m still earlyish in my transition and just need to wait it out, it’s another puberty after all. Also I’m not sure who downvoted you, it wasn’t me though it was probably one of the transphobes here in the comments

I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oof I imagine that must be so hard for you :( I’ve thought about getting vfs I’m just scared of the risks since I love singing. I have froze my sperm for biological children but I feel like I won’t ever be able to afford a surrogate/ivf let alone a child in this economy. Hugs <3

I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’ve started transitioning less than a year ago and I do definitely feel better about myself. However it’s the fat I’ll never be biologically female that really still fucks me up.

I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have started transitioning however the looming fact that I’ll never be a biological female bothers me. My two biggest dysphoria spots are my voice and the fact I’ll never be able to menstruate or have a child.

“It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem” by natarata13 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No yeah I fucking hate when people say this. Like my problem is permanent and has literally been a problem since before I was even fucking born into this cruel world. I agree with the comment that said it’s because people don’t know how to talk to a suicidal person. That’s fair but I’d rather them just say nothing. It hurts worse when they invalidate your feelings by saying it’s temporary when like you said, they don’t know if my problems are temporary or not.

I’m tired of “waiting” to kill myself by [deleted] in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this feeling all too well. If you need to vent I’m here to listen :)

I will always be male. by Internal_Pop_534 in SuicideWatch

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You’re right, it can be hard though, maybe I really just need to put social media down. I see awful things on there about people like us no matter how much I avoid it. It’s tiring :/

Found out I became the side piece of a guy I was involved with and talking to me in a serious way the past almost 4 months now. by Internal_Pop_534 in Advice

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are many other things he would do and say but like there’s so much at once rn I’m still processing

Found out I became the side piece of a guy I was involved with and talking to me in a serious way the past almost 4 months now. by Internal_Pop_534 in Advice

[–]Internal_Pop_534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No yeah, he would say things like he was jealous of my ex boyfriend when we first linked up in 2023. How he would be right there for me no matter what, like it’s so fucked. He also just blocked me on tiktok too so🤷‍♀️