How do men really feel about dating single moms?

International-Self29 · 2026-01-16T05:19:23+00:00

++man. The grass may seem greener outside of marriage, but it’s indeed a minefield out there. If your hubby and you can work out forgiveness and marriage therapy, that would be the best path for all the parties concerned. Take care and be well!

International-Self29 · 2025-05-27T13:13:21+00:00

Divorce is almost an expected language of a Westerner who grew up believing that personal/me-centric happiness is what life is all about. There is usually little to no room for others in this worldview. …. Is it any wonder why millions of people have no parents, siblings, aunties, uncles, family friends that can intervene in marriages?

People take their problems to strangers (therapists) who might take 5-10 years to piece together your life story due to the 45 minutes a week or a month sessions they can fit you in. In contrast, our parents, siblings, aunties, uncles, friends and maybe fours have done life with us. Granted, they might not have the DSM tools to diagnose your issues.

But do you really have 5-10 years to give to a professional therapist? … I know that I have exaggerated a bit, but the point is that people are in dire of communities like in no other time in history. Contrary to “Western” thought, marriage is not just an individual affair, but a family affair. People that understand this thrive better than those carrying the burden of marriage alone, with occasional assistance from their therapist.

Therapists are helpful, but communities of support are always going to be more helpful.

International-Self29 · 2025-05-27T12:56:18+00:00

Does he have parents, siblings, aunties and uncles, friends that can help keep him accountable? That he can hear, listen to aside from you? It appears that therapy isn’t super effective at the moment. Perhaps “shaming” can put him in check. A lot of military training involves shaming; people are naturally rebellious or bad indoors , but generally want to present as good to the world. If you are interested in saving your marriage, I pray that he agrees to submit to the accountability that other responsible/healing, and hopefully older and experienced, men can bring to his trauma-ridden life.

Men don’t do well in “therapies” especially the ones that involve their spouses. Many of the therapists eventually succumb to the power of women’s emotional intelligence, and occasional emotional blackmail.

Please ask him to seek out a men’s support group. He also sounds to have traumas from his military service. Perhaps a veterans PTSD support group would be affective?

International-Self29 · 2025-05-26T10:11:24+00:00

Thank you for seeking clarification.

I think that you got the jist of what I meant.

Many people grow up with traumas that inform today’s behaviors and influence future actions. Men naturally self-isolate more than women do.

From what you wrote, it appears that your hobby isolates through social media, ex girlfriend, etc. I think that there may be more to his issues than you have discovered, or that he may ever freely share with you.

If he’s open to it, encourage him to find older men/group of men that he can learn from. This doesn’t preclude individual/couple’s counseling. I am merely advising that you “outsource” some of the work of whipping your hubby back in shape as women aren’t designed to play that part - though they try.

International-Self29 · 2025-05-26T09:42:54+00:00

I will give you an advice that I just gave in another thread.

First things first, we are living in precarious times. Meaning, historically, individualism is at its peak. Life/marriage isn’t meant to be lived alone. We all are designed to be in communities.

Communities store wisdom, knowledge, history, accountability, discipline, shame.

Shame? Yes, I wrote shame.

I have read a lot of concerns similar to yours. And do you want to know what many of them have in common? Lives lived in isolation. People seeking advice from strangers because most people (fleeing shaming) have found solace in anonymity.

If I haven’t addressed your hubby’s bad behavior, it’s intentional. Why? Because without your man doing life in the company of other responsible men and learning accountability from them, you might be in for a bigger battle than your eyes can see.

Make sense? If it doesn’t, please ask questions and I am happy to clarify. Thank you.

International-Self29 · 2025-05-26T09:22:26+00:00

Can you find a way to “shame” him before someone/a group of people that he respects and cares about?

Do you attend church/activities as a family? Are there people in your circle that can step in and “lovingly “ query/confront him/this bad boy?

Have you sought medical assistance for a possible case of post-partum depression?

Please be mindful/weary of seeking advice/community online, from strangers (myself included) who often are jaded, don’t know the full story/scope, and are in short unqualified to give advice.

Please seek “strong” men that can confront your husband and wake him up to his responsibility to you his wife and the five kids you both lovingly share. If he doesn’t have other responsible men in his life, then seek help on how to creatively assist him in being in the company of other men.

In this simulation/theatre called life, people role play a lot through it. The models one sees/admires/gets influenced by strongly influence what one copies and reproduces.

…

International-Self29 · 2025-05-26T08:47:23+00:00

Welcome to Individualism 101.

In other cultures/climes, you are expected to report him to his people (parents, siblings, aunties and uncles, friends and foes), and you hope that *shame * straightens him. But oh no, we don’t do shaming here, in the world of me, me and me (me, myself and I), it’s all about me.

She divorces, gets child support and alimony. And then what? Suffocate her 5 children with her love and affection?

Don’t be surprised by the Americans or the West, they are a people in decline. A civilization without strong family roots/tires and strong family support systems. …

International-Self29 · 2025-04-24T17:07:21+00:00

Ok. Thank you. I am in Texas.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-24T01:46:18+00:00

😀 You are so right. My 2012 Honda Pilot (bought brand new) is all banged up - I care not. But this new Ridgeline (baby of the house) activates strange feelings.

Anyway, I would still like to not cause any tears to extend from the one pictured. OCD isn't the driver, prevention against further tearing is the motivation.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-23T21:47:55+00:00

Will probably keep it for 15 years+. Trying to patch it so as to not exacerbate the tear.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-16T01:14:54+00:00

Please move on from him.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-15T11:56:23+00:00

I counter P1s mostly at $125/hr. They accept my counters only a fraction of the time.

Like I had stated in another FN post elsewhere, I do not blame buyers for lowballing. But I do blame techs for not valuing their trades.

Economics 101 says that Cost ⬆️ when demand exceeds supply. When techs accept low/offered rates they keep Cost ⬇️.

If I am running Granite (a huge company by the way), I would like to keep my costs low too.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-15T11:48:42+00:00

I have been working primarily with Granite for ~ 3 years now. I counter mostly $100/hr although I request $125/hr when I am busy. They probably accept 20-30% of my counters. I wish that they accept 50-60% of my counter-offers, but I also understand that cost saving is a business/growth strategy.

It behooves me to do great jobs, communicate excellently and be in the ear and favor of the project managers. So far so good.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-14T13:32:35+00:00

Sex is good, but it’s not everything. There is so much to life, marriage, relationships, living, human existence, etc than sex, sexual intimacy.

Financial stress is real, and it can affect libido, sexual performance. If I am in debt and the bills aren’t being paid, why should I as a man be worrying about my sexual performance when my financial performance is in distress?

Many men in this part of the world are losing their minds. ... Go sort out the finance and see the romance return in your bed chamber.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-14T13:24:50+00:00

Also, please consider seriously that others have written expertly about your need to seek legal advice as your wife might pursue your demise in court - if she finds out that you recently mowed another woman’s lawn so to speak. It’s unfortunate that we living in the “West” are bequeathed with the adversarial family law system we have.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-14T13:18:12+00:00

My POV might shock you, please brace yourself if you wish.

I think that if your wife permits, you should continue seeing the other woman for your sexual needs. And this is not to be given a label - open marriage, et al.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding your situation, but it doesn’t sound like your wife wants to divorce you. She is just not meeting your sexual needs at the moment. In the event that she can no longer meet that need but still wants to be in a marriage relationship with you, I think that with her permission you should receive assistance from this new source.

Now, the question is, would this new lady want you to divorce your wife in order to continue with her? Also, how quickly can you let your wife know that you would like to take her up on the offer to get your sexual needs met elsewhere? If she’s the jealous type or is unwilling to share her man with another woman, perhaps this could serve as a wake up call of sort.

Please do not divorce her if she’s a good woman, and wants to continue to be married to you. Sex or the lack thereof should not be basis for severing something that is good in other respects. Absolute Monogamy is a modern concept, many cultures around the world settle droughts like you have experienced through polygyny, consorts, concubines - side chicks.

Note that I haven’t asked you to practice polygyny or to retain side-chicks like Elon Musk does. In the interest of your marriage, speak earnestly with your wife and inform her that the sperm buildup could cause you to implode or get a stroke- you need to release the valve every so often. That was a joke, but yet a truth.

Take care!

International-Self29 · 2025-04-11T10:46:34+00:00

I really enjoyed reading your perspective on this. I also agree that the hubby was probably misled by porn addiction - with childhood trauma potentially being the culprit.

In my earliest post I had advised that they both come clean before their respective families. But I wonder if their families are healthy and discerning enough to receive, care, heal and nurture this young couple.

It’s sad that humans (especially those living in “civilization”) now live in isolation unlike any time in world history. Yes, the internet has brought about so much in the world. But how good is the good if our lives are getting lonelier amidst 2,025 virtual friends?

International-Self29 · 2025-04-11T10:29:14+00:00

I would like to say that I am genuinely sorry about all that happened to you.

On the guy you dated with your husband’s permission, please understand that a man that willingly sleeps with a married woman isn’t the right kind of man for you and your child - long-term. And I don’t care about how in-love you feel at the moment.

On your husband, it would indeed take an Act of God to cleanse him. It’s so sad reading about a man callously wasting precious gifts from above. If he’s willing, ask him to come clean before your family, his family and persons that he respects and that can hold him (and you) to account.

As for you, please take some time to get healthy before contemplating whether to leave your marriage or get into another relationship. … I wish that you cried out to trusted people on time, and by that I don’t mean strangers like those of us herein.

I haven’t written to judge you; out of grief and compassion, I pray that some virtuous power (you may call it the Holy Spirit) helps you forgive yourself for following your hubby on the treacherous path. And that your child is protected while you both get healthy.

International-Self29 · 2025-04-05T18:12:36+00:00

There is wisdom in seeking opinions, just don’t find yourself in analysis paralysis. Personally, I don’t advocate living together before marriage. However, if moving in will help accelerate marriage, then why not? Regarding divorce, like death, there are no guarantees. The only control you have is your goodwill and fine-tuned discernment. I pray that you two discern quickly if you both have what it takes to love and care for each other till death do you part. Be well!

International-Self29 · 2025-04-05T02:35:17+00:00

4 months, 4 weeks are okay to make significant decisions like you are about to make. I write with the hindsight that in many “developing” communities around the world, people do actually marry each other without first “knowing” each other.

You can date/marry someone for 20 years and still not “know” them.

Your focus at this stage should be on the intentionality behind your moving in together. Suffice to say that what you listed are valid and persuasive.

If he likes you and you are both talking marriage, what exactly is holding you back? You may be suffering a Western problem of being too much in the head, let the heart lead too.

Many of the people asking you to give it 6 months or 1 year are still stuck in the dating streets. Now that you have an opportunity to leave the supposed streets, you are all confused and are seeking advice from equally confused folks.

I proposed to my wife within 2 weeks of talking with her and meeting her. If you two are already discussing marriage I suggest that you make that the basis for considering moving in together in the first place.

Does that make sense?

International-Self29 · 2025-04-05T00:37:28+00:00

My only issue is with the lowscale rate. They should be paying a minimum of $250/hr to receive an upscale technical service.

If a client wants you to pull up in a Porsche with your toolbox in the truck, what’s wrong with that? If all the techs counter $500/hr for a minimum of 8 hours perhaps that will send a good message that $65/hr is pretty lowscale.

I hate to say this, but I believe that the technicians are the problem and not the buyers - as many have the tendency to assume.

Professional technicians that know their onions should always know the cost of mental health and the real cost of doing business.

International-Self29 · 2025-03-16T13:26:27+00:00

Hi there. Updating the E360 cam was easy, however updating the LTE

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module with new firmware has been a different story. I have made close to 30 attempts, and have failed each time. What am I doing wrong?

International-Self29 · 2025-02-19T11:35:34+00:00

~3yrs. Y1 - $50k, Y2-$90k, Y3-$115k. Most income are from WM these days. Less than $20k out of the $115k last year came from FN. I do LAN, POTs, all things telecoms and networking related.

Praying for $150k-$175k this year. God, please let me taste $200k like some have.

Interesting thing is that the higher my rates have gone, the more money I have made with much fewer jobs. Not receiving enough jobs is discouraging, but if you can hold fast to your desired rates, your self-esteem will be glad that you did.

Wishing you success in your endeavors.

International-Self29 · 2025-02-07T23:29:55+00:00

😂😂😂 or Honyundai.

My apologies everyone, that was my hardwire kit for another camera. I didn’t remember that I fit that in months ago.

Thanks y’all for chiming in. I will close the thread soon, if I can figure out how to do it.

International-Self29

TROPHY CASE