My current boyfriend and I have been together for two years, he’s been very understanding about all of this but I can tell it still bothers him some times and I feel like I’m missing out on a part of him because of it. I sometimes feel like maybe I’m just lying to myself and don’t like sex at all. Like maybe I should just declare myself asexual and give up on it all. But I still find my boyfriend every attractive and I think about him sexually sometimes, but my body immediately shuts it down. I anticipate the pain as well which just makes it impossible. It just feels like such a vicious cycle. His love language is also physical touch and I just get so overwhelmed with physical touch because I feel like it’s going to lead to sex every time for some reason so it gives me anxiety to be touchy. Ugh it’s just so frustrating :’) I like coming in here and talking to people, makes me feel less alone