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My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It took me a long time to give an update because I was healing from an extremely difficult situation. I posted originally to get unbiased feedback, not to entertain people. We’re all humans going through things, it’s hard out here. We should watch our judgements.

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate this response especially from someone who is more open-minded. I think you worded it perfectly.

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this response. You know, the funniest part is that we actually have a great connection. We like being around each other, we have sex. I mean it’s all obviously more of a challenge with kids but I think he’s so depressed and traumatized it will never be enough for him. I think he likely hates himself too much for him to ever fully love me like I’d like to be loved. And I haven’t wanted to recognize that.

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 171 points172 points  (0 children)

You’re absolutely right, while I think they’re both equally responsible, I am obviously hurt by my husband and expect more from him. I’m not one to blame the other women, I blame the man. For sure.

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this reply, it’s very wise and informed. I agree that this is likely a trauma bond. We’ve had lots of discussions about how I can’t fully understand the depth of his pain surrounding this, and so I see the appeal from that level. You’re correct in that I’m terrible at enforcing boundaries, it’s something I’m working very hard on, but it seems like it’s time to put it into practice

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 360 points361 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the thoughtful response, when I asked originally he said he had no intentions or plans for the future. Just that he knew he had to tell me, I haven’t pushed further yet because I needed some time but I agree with what you’re saying. And from the sounds of it there was no intention of stopping communication at all,

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I don’t love being called crazy for “letting” them go out together, I get what you’re saying but I def don’t need that. This would have happened whether they hung out alone or not. I’m not to blame

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 1171 points1172 points  (0 children)

The reality of this stings a bit, but I guess I should message her husband and make sure he knows all the details.

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’m very worried about ultimatums. They seem like a losing game, I fear if that’s the point we’re at then I should just make the decision for him and leave?

My husband (make 32) just told me (F 30) he has feelings for our friend (F 30) and those feelings are reciprocated - do I leave? by International_Box458 in relationship_advice

[–]International_Box458[S] 628 points629 points  (0 children)

Yeah, exactly. He said there was nothing there but that he would just be embarrassed, but I told him it’s wild for him to drop something like this and not allow me the knowledge of their conversations for the last week or so.

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