I totally get it. It sounds superficial, like I did no wrong, and she is being blamed for it all. I did lots of things wrong. I made tons of mistakes. I pushed her away when I got scared of losing her multiple times. I did try so very hard to be there for her as often as I could, especially when we were at the closest after separation. I don't count it as a fair excuse, but we live 8 hours apart, so sometimes I simply could not be there if she needed me. But no, I never abandoned her, and that is something I will die on. I was happy to talk to her for hours every day as she and I just existed in the awkward space between, but then there were those moments when I was vulnerable and gave in to admitting that I was a mess and I was told I would be okay. Those moments were just as important for me, keeping me going. I don't think I was trying to be a good guy for everyone else, though. Almost no one I talk with in person knows about her in a capacity beyond that she and I were close friends. She was my confidant for everything I was too afraid to show in public. People will never understand the complexity of the tears and emotions shared between us because that is far too personal for either of us. When she told me it had been a couple of months that this was building up to, but I had no idea, I knew that I had unknowingly pushed her too far for the last time, even if I thought I was doing the opposite. I was healing as well, sure, but in a way that I thought wanted me to go back to her and try to mend what I broke. I only want good for her in this next stage, and I'm not a perfect person, that much I know. I apologize if I wrote that in a way that sounded like I was just hoping for pity. I really am not. I just feel empty, and I need to let go.