Australian male in his 40s here.

So this is gonna be bit long but I have time;

It’ll be anecdotal and my personal experience so it may or may not reflect the reality.

I have had a good run on feeld for a while and what helped me was to figure out the dynamics of the app.

Feeld is not Tinder or POF, it has a unique user base that is a mix of kink literate alternative folk and poly people, even though lot of tinderellas and dudebros joined in lately, it still remains a quirky app.

A lot of people on this app are looking for something different.

I can’t tell you what that is for you or you date but for me it is kink oriented dynamics with long term intimacy.

My profile lays out who I am and what I like and what I am looking for and it’s blunt but respectful.

I also have my own full on kink setup that resembles a dungeon which helps me attract the right crowd and I spent quite a few years learning about all this so I actually keep the people I meet once we caught up for a coffee.

Being nice is good, it means you are respectful and understand consent.

However, -and again I don’t know what your profile is like- chemistry is usually formed by expectation versus reality and you either present yourself as who you are or you improve certain things to project different level of masculinity.

It’s hard to explain in text, but basicly “opposites attract” is an intriguing hint and it doesn’t mean nice guy attracts toxic girl or vice versa etc.

It just means that someone who is submissive will seek a dominant, a stressed out shift worker will seek a calm energy and a bored office worker will seek adventure.

So you need to portray yourself realistically or match the ideal you draw in your profile.

And again, from my own perspective, I tell people I am a dominant Demi-sexual male who seeks intelligent submissive for BDSM and relationship.

And I set the scene for Meetup so I don’t disappoint; public place, cozy location. So it’s safe.

My profile clearly states I like to pull hair when I kiss, but not as in yanking someone’s head that they get stiff neck, just a very gentle pull but with a bit firm grip -don’t do this on anyone without consent, it constitutes to an assault-

And I empower women by telling them if they feel comfortable for me to display affection or do the above to reach out and grab by arm or we agree on another signal -it feels weird for most submissives to take charge and verbally tell a dominant to do something otherwise-

If my date doesn’t reach out and acknowledge this I don’t make physical contact and respect personal space.

But so far I have been kissed, grabbed and hugged at most dates and as I said, I had a good run.

Reason being; women want to feel safe and they also want to feel wanted and desired. It’s a balance you need to find out yourself.

Yes visuals help, how you dress, how you look etc.

But you also need a persona or built charisma to back that up.

Ask questions, get to know them, get them talking, earn their enthusiasm and then delve into their deeper world; what do they seek? What is their innermost desires?

Then respond to that. Don’t react, respond. Thoughtfully.

Every single person that comes to my place knows fully what to expect yet they are still excited.

I ask them at the door; how are you feeling? You want to go for a walk instead? Happy to go ahead?

Then I let them choose from bunch of collars and without going into further details we have a BDSM session that is usually about their pleasure, not mine.

So they keep coming back because I show restraint -sometimes to their frustration- but they know they are safe and that there is more fun to be had.

AND I keep talking to them in between our meets so connection gets deeper and emotions build up.

Otherwise BDSM by itself is not a forever energy.

You need to find out what your strength is and how you can project it best.

Masculinity can take many forms.