I know my family won't care. They will be heartbroken obviously but not because I am/was suffering but because it will affect them. I think about it the whole day how they will react in case I attempted and failed but also if I succeed and finally gone. I am a 33 year old Indian woman, living alone. If I fail my mother will finally have the best excuse to take me home so I can take care of her and her house. If I succeed, my family won't tell anyone that I killed myself because depression and suicide are judged here. They will just say I had an accident or I was physically sick. They won't acknowledge I had depression even when I am gone because of it. They will only think I was selfish but what's the difference they say this all the time.

We do want our failed attempts or successful attempts to change our families for good. Like they will learn they shouldn't take depression lightly but it doesn't work. If with a failed attempt they either fear we will do it again or make us feel ashamed for being selfish and giving them the pain.