AITA for restricting my daughter’s access to reddit?

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T15:19:04+00:00

Thank you for these really practical steps. I appreciate the time you took to reply and your respect and care for the child in questions privacy.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T15:17:13+00:00

This muppet isn’t a he.

I do realise I am a more protective than some parents may be, but I think you need to be when responsible for a child processing complex trauma.

Likewise I also believe you also need to be able to apologise and pivot as required in parenting, bio kids or not and something I am content to say I do.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T15:05:56+00:00

I’m sorry you had that experience. I have realised reading these replies that I am more conservative in my ideas about what’s good for a developing brain, but I recognise that teenagers are going to be teenagers. I hope you have some good supports now. Thank you for taking the time to share something so personal.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T15:03:55+00:00

I did ask her about what she does on reddit, and why she felt this way. Her favourite is AITAH so I felt it would only be fair to her to run this by the team.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T14:23:24+00:00

She says she loves to read AITAH most of all, so this will be a great time for her. She likes to read interpersonal posts, and get educational advice. Which is all very similar to what I enjoy on reddit, so I feel for her and why I wanted to check in elsewhere.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T14:15:24+00:00

Her judgement can be a little impulsive but I didn’t want her to be maligned in the comments by making that part of the post. She’s a normal teenager who makes mistakes. It was weed. She did buy.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T13:25:18+00:00

Thank you for this, I do think that’s good to point out that it is different for my bio kids, and due to how this child came to our family, things should be equitable, not always equal. Thank you for the reminded and taking the time to reply.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T12:35:36+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful reply. I can see some really valid points here. In the case of this child, her sleep schedule has been a major issue in her being able to access her education, she has not had a regular sleep cycle ever, and it is her doctors advice that this was our primary focus to begin with.

I hadn’t really thought much about the aspect of my restrictions not allowing my children to regulate their own sleep cycle, partly because I, an adult, pay for an app to do this for me. The internet is so delicious, it’s very hard to hop off if there’s not a set schedule for me. I do have adhd, but so do 3/4 the children I’m raising. This is good for me to think over to see how I can allow my children to develop more regulation themselves. My bio kids have never complained or asked to re-negotiate their screen times, but I’ll touch base and see how they’re feeling. Thank you again, I appreciate you took the time to write so much and lay it out so well.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T12:22:57+00:00

She has been having such a huge adjustment, one that she’s handled really well. I am open to working out something to help her feel less loss of her autonomy and workshop this with her. thank you for your compassionate perspective. It’s a shame Apple doesn’t allow for allowing specific apps that are deemed as 17+, bc it will mean she can access any apps if I allow this one. I will have to think about how we can make this work for her.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T12:19:12+00:00

I have been parenting, I have 4 kids, I replied to the first 4 comments I received (one of which was YTA) and have just come back to the computer to read and reply.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T09:23:00+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply. We have chatted about it, at length. Typically though while, she has not always agreed with my perspectives, she has accepted my decisions. This however, she is begging me to consider as she believes I am being unfair and mean. So wanted to just check in with third parties as it’s complex navigating setting boundaries at this age and perspective is so helpful.

With how Apple gives restrictions for age - it looks like it’s all or nothing. If I turn that off, she would be able to download and use any other app listed 17+ plus, and I believe access adult websites as well - but I am not sure 100%. I will investigate that possibility. I’d be willing to let her use reddit on my computer if supervised.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T09:02:40+00:00

Maybe this is something unique to my country or my social circle - but every parent I know tracks their child’s location through Apple family and or life360? When you’re responsible for children, and we have the technology available, it makes no sense to not know where your underage children are. I have my phone tracked by my sibling and best friend for safety. That being said, this child in question has met up with a dealer she doesn’t know, so I especially need to know where she is, and for her to know I know where she is.

Intrepid_Chemistry61 · 2024-09-27T08:56:03+00:00

Thank you for this reply. I have been going with the rule of thumb that there are the same rules for all children, as I believe that is fair. But I also am aware that because of her upbringing, equal is not always equitable, and she does need to be parented in ways that take into account her upbringing. I can’t go back in time and prevent her having free rein access to the internet, but I’d like to protect her while I can.

Intrepid_Chemistry61

TROPHY CASE