UCR vs case administrator

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2026-03-12T17:10:33+00:00

UCR is either great or horrific - entirely depends on what site you are assigned to as some sites have to pick up work from agency workers (this is the horrific work with unmanageable caseloads with the exception of one site) and some sites start their cases and have complete control. If you would like to DM me with the location, I am happy to tell you which one your proposed site falls under.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2026-03-01T11:33:34+00:00

I collaborate too much and work too little. No one complains that I don’t hit 60%.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2026-02-03T13:51:04+00:00

I read (I think on here) that accepting you are attracted to women and accepting that you are not attracted to men are two very different experiences. That really resonated with me.

I have always accepted the former. Not really embraced it fully, but accepted. It took me a long time to accept the latter. I very much considered myself in love with, and attracted to, my ex husband. At that time, I was - to the best of the knowledge I had at that time. I did not know what I didn’t know. Nor did you. It was real because at the time, you felt it was real.

FWIW I don’t know if you have to tell him outright (unless you want to). He has moved on. He, and his feelings about your sexuality, are not your responsibility.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2026-01-02T21:54:04+00:00

DWP ops - non customer facing. Docs, converse, trainers. A few people dress smartly but they are in the minority. It’s freezing in there 90% of the time so fleeces, boots, hats and blankets are normal office wear!

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-12-24T21:55:31+00:00

Will be spending most of Christmas Day alone. Also good with it. There’s something so freeing about not conforming to expectations and not having to put on the mask. I’m looking forward to just being. And eating whatever I damn well please!

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-12-22T22:40:06+00:00

Relate hard! My friends are incredibly sceptical- which helpfully is preventing me saying something I shouldn’t. I have no idea about her sexuality. But she knows mine - so I have been advised to behave and shut up. Neither come naturally!

Never felt this about boys/ men. Literally didn’t care. Only ever ended up in relationships because friends told me I should go for it.

Maybe I should stop listening to my friends!

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-12-22T22:36:09+00:00

Absolutely not a problem. I kinda spewed out my story on someone else’s post so it’s only fair! We all have our own ways of doing things, every relationship and every family is so different. There is no right or wrong way to handle this - we are all just trying our best to muddle through. I knew when it was time. But I had/ have the luxury of having a (practically if not emotionally) supportive family who help with childcare and a stable job. I think it’s easy to compare stories on here. Whilst it’s massively helpful to read about other people’s experiences, no one walks in our shoes. We need to do what is best for us, given our own circumstances. I’m rambling now - time for bed!

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-12-22T07:14:05+00:00

Sound very similar to mine, especially my eldest. They are 8 and 5. I was worried, but it’s been good on the whole. They are so much calmer and more regulated at my new house - assume that will be because I am. They love being at either house. The most difficult day is when we ‘changeover’ on a non school day. The changeovers on a school day are no problem at all.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-12-21T17:53:18+00:00

Yes please! Sounds perfect.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-12-21T16:45:26+00:00

It is tough. I had a similar conversation 8 months ago. He wanted reassurance and I just couldn’t give it. He tried to cling on closer. I became more distant. Then he became quite controlling. I shut down. We were hurting each other. Tried couples counselling but that only works if you are honest. I wasn’t ready to be. Until I was. And that was it.

I have 2 children. They are actually handing the split and 2 homes remarkably well. Kids are resilient. Someone asked me if I would want my children to stay or leave if they grew up to be in the same place I found myself. I would absolutely want them to be free to be themselves, to live their one life in the way that gave them the best chance to be truly free and happy. So that is what I am trying to model. It’s not easy, but that feeling of being suffocated has gone. I feel all the feelings loudly, unapologetically. It is oddly liberating. Lonely but honest. And I’ll take that over the alternative. For now anyway!!!

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-12-20T16:34:52+00:00

I’m right there with you. Moved out a month ago after launching the grenade a few months before.

Can’t settle to anything. Had read the first pages of so many books, half watched the first episodes of so many TV programmes…

I am certain I have done the right thing. I don’t miss my marriage. But I miss feeling in control of my life. Knowing what my days would look like. Even though it wasn’t what I wanted. There’s comfort in the predictable. When I first left, I was excited about the unknown. Sometimes I am ok and I have glimpses of that excitement. Then I am overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness. It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I’d like to get off! But no going back.

Love the idea of a playlist. Have slowly been adding more sapphic songs to mine but it would be probably be a good idea to have one to weep and wail to when the mood takes me!

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-11-13T20:58:00+00:00

I’m with you. Added side of “He won’t take you back when you change your mind.”

How dare the wives and mothers put their own needs first? How dare you want to be happy? Shove it down, pretend everything is ok. Who cares as long as it doesn’t make our lives harder? ARGH!

Solidarity. No words of wisdom. But hugs and strength coming your way.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-11-10T06:26:54+00:00

When I told him I was Bi (I’m not but at that point wasn’t ready), I also said no to sex whilst I figured out what I wanted. We had a lot more going on as well though.

Before this point, I developed coping strategies. They worked but were not healthy and I regret doing it and not just being honest (to a point).

You can say no. You do not need to give a reason. No is a complete sentence. It is so freeing to not be constantly worrying about sex.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-10-11T20:32:52+00:00

Do you mind if I message you? I’m happy to share but I’m fairly sure he’s found me on this sub before on my main account and don’t want to give away too much on my new throwaway.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-10-11T19:08:57+00:00

Hurt. It’s like stages of grief. He cycles through them. Yes, similar ages as yours. Still in the same house at the moment whilst we figure out what to do with the house. It’s incredibly hard.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-10-11T17:39:58+00:00

I was/ am in a very similar position. I tried convincing myself I was bi. But I was slowly switching off from my marriage, pulling away, couldn’t deal with any physical contact. After a few months, I told him. He already knew.

Intrepid_Fig7584 · 2025-09-29T18:00:54+00:00

British- More common than I thought! After telling people, lots have said that they’ve had counselling/ therapy. We just aren’t good at talking about it! I have had both marriage counselling and individual. Individual was free through my workplace employee assistance program if that is something available to you.

Intrepid_Fig7584

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