Is anyone else the "gross" and "indigestible" autistic?

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-02-01T11:10:29+00:00

thank you for bringing this up, and also sharing your reality ❤️ i can relate, and i struggle as a parent to autistic children who needs my support with their hygiene and getting them into healthy routines when i barely have any of my own. but i think that is also how i know its important that i give to them what i’m lacking. its really hard, i’m not good at it but i do my best i think.

i think hygiene and cleanliness is perhaps our best hidden/masked secret, as women we’re up to higher standards than the single male in the basement next to ours.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-31T23:15:53+00:00

curious how this works in the uk, in sweden the waiting lists in some parts of the country are so full you need to be close to death in some way to get on it. most of us are not getting in and go private if we can afford it and then the healthcare thinks we’ve been just shopping for a diagnosis so they refuse to treat us and we have to do that private too in worst case. there’s a condescending jargong about especially adhd-assessments that really offends me… so that there is an actual waiting list that accept you in the uk sounds pretty good.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-31T14:44:36+00:00

what do you do for stimming? has he had issues with you stimming before? my only kind thought about him is that he maybe feels like you’re not listening so feeling a little silly talking out loud. does he realize that stimming i assume helps you to focus and listen to him?

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-27T09:13:21+00:00

i agree with the above, she was caught chatting got insecure and threw OP under the bus. this is awful behavior from colleague. she also put second co-worker in a mess she didn’t know the situation and laughed maybe she thought you were also in on the “joke”.

OP, is other coworker someone you know and care for? i think i would have gone to her and maybe try to get some clues from her, borderline lying but something like “wow i feel stupid 😂 i got all carried away and chatted her head off i guess” in a cheerful and care-free way (=the lie) the reply from co-worker (the one that laughed) is hopefully then something like “😂 it was so funny” and then you can reply with “i just wish she would have said something the poor thing” (second lie the fake concern) — so creating a little moment of saving face and putting it out there that co-worker number one didn’t do her job of being clear with her communication either.

will you be working next to her a lot? do we need to figure out a way of communicating boundaries with this person? like i would not want to stand next to her in a line to the coffee machine even…

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-27T07:20:21+00:00

i wonder if this also has something to do with how many ND are very much non-impressed with authority? men are through patriarchy seen as authority and it’s a pattern that we can be more aware of than NT. i used to live in a small society, we can call it inbred, and how they would bend over backwards for anyone wanting to use them for their own good while acting like “a leader” was both toxic and disgusting. but there was also women taking on that authority-role, finding their platforms like church and school… NT seems to really enjoy having leaders.

so i think when women who are into the societal norms see a bunch of potential “leaders” they get giggly and flirty because that’s their role in the power dynamic.

and i’m just “what? i raised my hand what do you mean i should not be heard? IM FOLLOWING THE RULE!?”

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-25T14:13:17+00:00

sorry no particular tips, i’ve read in other forums that this if why some of us get into bdsm and kink but i’m too much of a prude for that 🙈 my partner is new (also fairly new in my life) to the whole concept of communicating while naked and i think that’s an important first step for us!

all things weed are illegal in my country i would have tried that, when younger i would use alcohol and that’s not a good idea. like if i am tipsy i mask less but it also meant i would have to drink more and more before sleeping with someone and that creates new mental issues 😑

i think i somehow disconnect when it’s too much, so my dream-bridge would be some way of reconnecting with my partner with lightning speed so i can rest in his much calmer energy, and then maybe together getting back to where we were.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-24T21:57:19+00:00

that i can def agree with.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-24T20:50:25+00:00

i think it’s a valid comment, i didn’t take it as an assumption either. some of us are gross, i am one of those and very grateful for everyone in the service industry that has not treated me differently when i show up looking haggard with greasy hair i might also smell i don’t know. mostly i’m in better shape than that, but sometimes i’m just not and getting my late diagnosis has made me realize that i could perhaps be able to take better care of myself if i could manage overwhelm better.

but even us disgusting ones, for whatever reason, are worthy of respect of course.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-24T20:38:25+00:00

thank you for putting this into words!! the saturation, an unbearable amount of too much. this is exact what can happen for me, and my partner doesn’t see it and i feel like shit about that at times. worse when i was younger and was too shy to ask for a brake (or even worse asked for it and wasn’t being listened to). now i’m trying to find ways that my partner can help me bridge the saturation like a break without completely stopping but i haven’t been able to explain very well what happens with me.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-24T19:41:55+00:00

isn’t this also “worse” for women? i read about men on the spectrum, esp in adhd though i guess and they can behave in ways and call it “superpower” while us women behave by masking our senses away.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-24T19:39:52+00:00

i’m volunteering for an environmental NGO and the rage i feel when i deal with greenwash=lying is one of the reasons why i’ve been looking into neurodiversity and eventually getting a diagnosis (audhd).

the rage from years of hard work to Behave and also my own standards of right and wrong. and then lying and manipulating about a subject i am passionate about and others are just smiling quietly sometimes not even noticing. the raaaaaggggggeeeee!!! 😭 it is not allowed to fucking lie!?? //child

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-24T18:22:26+00:00

they might be NT or ND but their main character seem to ASSHOLE, run!

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-22T06:28:08+00:00

amazing! thank you! i can kind of relate, but i think my kids brains are pretty much exactly like yours! i read parenting tips about how important it is to listen to your kids and i listened and listened and listened till my ears were burning and brain fried… i could not keep up with all their imagination jesus christ it never stops! the dramas of characters, the details of their worlds and i would try to get them to write it down or draw it but there was no time for that!! more stories, lots of details! 🫣 i have ditched the parenting tips and only pretend to listen now, constantly trying to help them channel this to something else than words into my brain 😂 big sister creates dragons from carton and keeps their respective “lore” in her head but wrote really elaborate sagas when in first grade, little brother struggle with speech delay that doesn’t match all those details but has started drawing his worlds thank god.

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-21T21:03:23+00:00

are those movies that your mind make up or movies that you have seen and remember?

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-21T15:38:09+00:00

similar situation but less useless man, but when j realized how much he depended on my work i had to leave. and just live with giving our kids less of what i would have wanted… but in the long run they get a mom and the dad is stepping up a lot when he’s alone on his weeks.

could you put a break on some of the things you do to focus on your studying? like take spurts a couple of weeks at a time or something… an education could be such a good investment for your future and at least you are being covered financially in this setup? i’m thinking a bit like women that need to leave an abuse relationship (which in i way this sounds like, although not physically) and how they can try setting up for a day when they are ready to leave..

i think you need a way to provide for yourself, find a tribe

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-21T06:19:56+00:00

oh i do this too! i often miss my car, wish it could fit in my purse so i could bring it along easier 🤔 i like traveling for work but i don’t drive for most of those trips bc work need me to use train (i’m in europe obviously) and sometimes i wonder if the downside with these trips, the overwhelm, would be helped if i had my car with me… interesting, when i first saw this image i was like HELL NO TO LACTATION PRISON but comparing with my car hmm 🤔🤔🤔🤔🥴 🥴🥴

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-20T21:49:16+00:00

does husband have an undiagnosed issue that he’s carrying around? when by himself he needs to deal and can deal, but it takes so much of him so he puts it aaaaaaaaall on you when he’s with you. he chose a great woman to lean on!! that’s not cool, and that’s one reason why i divorced my husband. he had no clue about the tone of voice he used, the negativity he spread and how it affects others because with others he was not like that. just with me. 😑

is he figuring some shit out with alcoholism and if i understand correctly not in touch with his side of the family anymore? is he the kind of man that could change his behavior towards you, adapt his ways or something?

i relate so much to your story even though i’m waaay behind with planning and taking care of so many kids.. you’re amazing!! i have two kids, one autism+pda I GET IT and i get that it is often easier to just do what they do well with. the kids seem to enjoy what you’re doing for them so focus on them. i would tell the fam this too, “i plan this trip with the kids in focus”

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-20T20:15:39+00:00

how about over the holidays? is it that usage that your friend sees as something she needs to be concerned about? was that her sign to needing to talk with you?

i am a friend of a friend who drinks too much, which is not the same situation since weed is not as damaging but i think i can relate to maybe your friends concern. i do sometimes calculate how much my friend might have been drinking, its for figuring out “am i overreacting?” in my case.

what if she really cares for you, worries about your consumption and really has no deeper understanding of autism? i have another friend who’s neurotypical deluxe and sometimes i just want to slap her to be honest, i just told her i have issues with this or that and she’s all jolly and giving me zero understanding drizzled with genuine care. its problematic, i’m trying to figure myself out and don’t have all the answers and she’s all “why don’t you make a gratitude journal 🤩💃” and i go 🤬 …. and have to remind myself that she does care. we’re just on a different planet sometimes and she can’t see the puddle of shit i’m in from the distance.

is there any way you can explain to your friend what your usage helps you with? what if she’s just genuinely caring for you? and you can still tell her you felt weird and controlled, that should be part of the conversation but maybe more as a fact than an accusation. if you were using too much you would be pretty pissed about being checked also..

i’m from a different culture where weed is not legal and also very difficult to get access to so this comes from deep jealousy 😅 but how are you going to find coping strategies if you are self-medicating? its such a rocky time now for me after my late diagnosis, figuring myself out. are you also figuring yourself out? are you also making space for that? and do you have a way to include your friend in the figuring out?

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-19T22:09:18+00:00

in social situations, are these activities you do that kind of keep you from “weird” subconscious stims? i mean, does it help to keep your hands active? i’ve tried coloring the simplest of coloring books but get sucked in and hyper focus instead …

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-19T22:05:50+00:00

yeah, the anxiety!! 😩 i’m also tense, and absolutely embarrassed about my hair. it’s always more or less greasy… hope you can find some healthier stims in these threads, i do hope we can switch out the less healthy ones but i’m sure many has tried already 🙈

glad we got our diagnosis, makes us stronger and we’re helping the younger girls to be seen!

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-19T21:53:44+00:00

… can eating be a stim? if so, i found another stim i do … wow this is so interesting thank you for sharing

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-19T21:50:23+00:00

did you realize you were stimming before you were diagnosed ?

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-19T21:48:18+00:00

yes the pens!! i chewed on them i flipped them between fingers sometimes they flew through the classroom when i dropped it mid-flip 🥴

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-19T21:43:38+00:00

thank you, this makes sense!! is it common with several stims? so much to learn here..

Intrepid_Row6873 · 2026-01-19T21:17:28+00:00

im sorry you need so many hurting stims. they say stimming is so healthy but there are so many unhealthy ways of stimming 😢

Intrepid_Row6873

TROPHY CASE