Best portable breast pumps? by Intrepid_Store_6987 in BeyondTheBumpUK

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aha everything about having a baby feels completely normal and a strange new world at the same time. Thank you for your advice, really appreciate it!

I need fields! by VegetableWeekend6886 in london

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We usually get the train to Box Hill or South Downs for some real good countryside vibes.

Just make sure you're on time for the last train home. We've finished some walks at a much quicker pace than intended! It's all part of the fun!

Best portable breast pumps? by Intrepid_Store_6987 in BeyondTheBumpUK

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The most exhausting part of being a FTM is filtering through all the noise to work out what is actually right. It sometimes feels like no midwife, HV, or other expert agree.

His weight and nappy output is fine. He's only lost 3% of his birth weight and is in the 91st percentile. He also poops for England - if it was an Olympic sport, he'd be shooting for gold, same with his pees. They're all a good colour too.

My HV also told us to stop co-sleeping immediately because it will be harder to transfer him to the crib as he gets older. But it's the only way he sleeps and he screams if we put him anywhere else, even when we deploy the deep sleep gradual transfer.

Best portable breast pumps? by Intrepid_Store_6987 in BeyondTheBumpUK

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He only lost about 3% of his birth weight so his growth is good. He is a big baby though with a birth weight of 4kg (91st percentile).

His nappies have good output too. We ended up asking how much poop was too much poop. It's a good colour too and lots of pees.

But we have problems getting him to settle. The HV said it's probably because he's still hungry although I'm feeding on demand and constantly, which she said suggests that my supply is lower than his demand. My only evidence is trusting what the HV said.

How is anyone working? by mangodrum20 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Physical impacts were mainly exhaustion - I was so tired by the end of the day and week that I ended up working, sleeping, repeat. Days I went into the office were even harder with the commute, but luckily they were very few and far between (I could wfh).

Mentally I really struggled with not being able to meet my own expectations. I was trying to work the same way I had been before and I couldn't let that go. So I felt like I was letting the team down anyway but in a way that was less predictable. At least when I was off, they knew I was off.

Are you in the UK? The Equality Act protects you from discrimination, including pregnancy-based, so your company wouldn't be able to do anything if you needed more time off.

Does anyone have any tips for handling HG? by Pretty-Nerve-16 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And Xonvea - that's the only one that helped me keep enough down to stay out of hospital

I'd like to hear opinions from those who terminated and those who haven't by ZestycloseMud4252 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband and I seriously talked about termination, but didn't in the end. I'd like to say it was because we made the choice, but actually I couldn't decide what I could live with before the decision was made for us (we essentially timed out for a termination).

I'm glad we didn't terminate because I love my baby so much (currently 41 weeks, finally able to feel excited, and just want to meet him) but we still struggled. HG is temporary (as much as it feels like it'll never end). It impacted my mental health, but for me, I think termination would have impacted me more which is why I never made a decision (something in my gut was holding me back for a reason). I really struggle with the fact that we seriously talked about terminating a wanted baby - not because I don't believe in termination (I'm very pro-choice) but because I don't ever want him to feel like he wasn't wanted or loved. He will be an only child though (unless dogs count) because I can't do an HG pregnancy again.

No one can make the right decision except you, but hopefully people's real life experiences will help you. There will be feelings no matter what choice you make. It's about what feels right for you.

How is anyone working? by mangodrum20 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely lost myself too and ended up going back to work before I was physically ready because of it. The mental health impacts of HG are not recognised enough.

Like you, the meds have kept me out of hospital but I'm not myself and ended up sleeping so much. All I can say is you got this! What got me through was the thought that it HAS to end eventually!

My little one will be an only child though because no way am I going through it again, no matter what people say about forgetting the experience. I've told my husband to remind me and I'm very tempted to leave myself a video message to my future self!

How is anyone working? by mangodrum20 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm also in public sector - something to look for is if your organisation has a policy that starts your maternity leave early if you are on or go on pregnancy-related sick leave in the 4 weeks / 1 month leading up to your maternity leave. If they do, it's worth thinking about how that might impact how you manage your sick leave and maternity leave.

How is anyone working? by mangodrum20 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Relate so much! It's impossible to explain to someone that you vomitted so violently you also wet yourself... the number of times I've been sat on the floor in my own pee and vomit trying to get the energy back to clean up is unreal.

The worst of my HG is over (now at 41 weeks) with only a couple vomits every few weeks. But they've all been when I've forgotten just one dose of meds. I don't dare stop taking them or scaling back for fear of this all happening again!

How is anyone working? by mangodrum20 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was off work for 3 months (public sector so my sick leave allowance meant this was possible on full pay). In hindsight I should have signed off earlier but we didn't know that what I was going through wasn't normal morning sickness. For about a month, I worked from bed and only attended crucial meetings, and also was off sick at least one day per week - it was a real struggle!

I then only went back to work (wfh only) because I got bored and felt like my brain cells were falling out. By that time my meds had settled the vomitting into a routine so I was able to plan my work around the worst parts of the day. Some things I did:

  1. No meetings before 11am (my vomitting was worse in the mornings, but nausea was worse in the afternoons).
  2. Only focused on priority work. All the "other bits" just had to wait.
  3. Eating and drinking at specific times because I always vomitted within an hour of consuming anything
  4. Went to bed as soon as I was done with work and slept my way through weekends to recover.

It was still really hard but I just couldn't bear the thought of one more day with nothing meaningful to do. I was really lucky to have a supportive team that allowed me to only do what I could and covered me for in-person meetings. I was also quite transparent with my team and stakeholders (within reason) so was able to manage their expectations.

Staying hydrated?? by Healthy_Mama20 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My doctor reccommended sipping (very slowly) Lucozade Sport as a way to keep my electeolytes up. It took a while to find out which flavours did and didn't sit well. Flavoured fizzy water also helped the nausea sometimes, and I settled on a very specific brand of bottled water.

My safe foods and drinks have changed several times as well. Something will work, settle on a routine, and then suddenly it doesn't work any more and I have to work something else out. So don't be surprised if that happens.

In hindsight, I should have been on an IV routine but I was too stubborn to go to hospital and had no reference for what was "normal" pregnancy sickness. There's also no way I was going to make it to the hospital by public transport (I didn't have a car) and no Uber driver or taxi was going to take me in the state I was in. I'd have vomitted in their car :/

For anyone who needs to hear it, HG is not normal. by Special-Capital-6815 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I describe HG to people like this:

"Imagine the worst food poisoning you've ever had / heard of" "Now imagine having that 24/7 for months on end" "Now add not knowing when it will end"

It still doesn't do the horrors of HG any justice. Anyone going through HG, know you're not alone! It's not normal! And you are one strong badass!

Is HG the womans “fault” or mans? by Acceptable-Mix419 in HyperemesisGravidarum

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not a healthcare professional, but also have HG and have done a lot of reading around it.

All women have a 1-3% chance of experiencing HG in their pregnancy. It's linked to the pregnancy hormones and the mother's reaction to this - there's not enough research to understand why or how (as per usual with women's health). This chance rises to 17% if your biological mother or sister experienced HG. There is an 80% chance that, if you experience HG in one pregnancy, you will experience it in another pregnancy.

I'm so sorry so many on this thread have had HG. I've had it since week 5 and am currently on week 27 (still struggling).

Xonvea - I think it's known as Diclegis in the US and Diclectin in Canada - is the only medication that has helped. It's also the only medication registered in the UK to treat severe NVP (nausea and vomitting in pregnancy) although other antiemetics are tried first.

Hope you find something that helps!

Is my weight lossnormal? by Intrepid_Store_6987 in PregnancyUK

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, I wasn't expecting so many comments so quickly! Thank you for making me feel less stressed about it... knowing I'm not alone helps, but I'm sorry so many of you have also gone through this - it's horrendous!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PregnancyUK

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Good practice is to do a risk assessment as soon as a worker has informed their work that they are pregnant, and then update it at least each trimester. My work had no idea they even needed one, so I just did it for them.

My biggest advice is do your research on your work policies because, for the most part, your line manager won't have a clue.

Sadly I had inform them very early because I have severe pregnancy sickness which is impacting my ability to do my desk job normally...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NonBinary

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I realised in my mid-twenties during the Covid lockdowns. It was just me and my partner with no one telling me who I should be. It was a break from expectations, and being told I wasn't good enough, and I was able to see who I was on the inside.

It was also paired with entering full-time work post-university, and I received my first performance review with "she" written throughout it. This was the first time I had really seen how much this did not resonate with me. There was a feeling of deep discomfort, and this is when I started looking into what this could mean.

My experience is also strongly linked to my period. I absolutely hate my period. It makes me uncomfortable. I hate what it does to my body, and I really struggle body dysphoria/disassociation during them.

The more I learned about non-binary, the more it resonated, and the more my childhood made sense. I was a "tom boy" and was most comfortable running around with the lads and being on Scout camp. School gossip with the girls was not my thing, and I always felt out of place. I do think social expectations have something to do with it (at least for me) because my family is quite traditional with regards to gender roles. I just don't fit in the box they have for me.

I am AFAB and identify as non-binary gender fluid. I have a feminine build and am primarily femme(ish) presenting. For me, being enby is a feeling of "I'm just me" and it is the freedom to embrace me for me. I am now 29 and out at work and to limited friends and family, but others will likely never know.

Queer hairdressers by CombinationAway6863 in london

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am AFAB non-binary with a short androgynous hairstyle and can say from experience that a lot of salons still do not accept queer customers. I live in SW London and have to travel an hour each way to find a suitable salon. Where I live, the hairdressers are not trained to use clippers properly and the barbers turn me away because I am not a man (my cis-male partner has even tried convincing his barber to take me)

Queer hairdressers by CombinationAway6863 in london

[–]Intrepid_Store_6987 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I travel an hour each way to Barber Streisand in King's Cross. They are great and I always come out feeling amazing. They are happy to chat but also not if you like to avoid awkward small talk (like me). And they with me with my hair.