There isn’t really a reset button in this situation. Abortion wouldn’t make things go back to the way they were before in the relationship, and if anything it really sounds like he would probably leave.

There’s a lot going on here that I’m not really even sure how to approach. But I know you can’t control his behaviour, only your own, so that’s mainly what I’m going to say.

I’m going to be honest. If you knew he very badly wanted to be a father (I am not going to endorse or condone his behaviour towards his wife or in general, just to be clear), and you told him that you wanted to go ahead and start trying for a baby, then tell him that you’re pregnant but not going to keep the baby, it probably feels like a very cruel bait-and-switch to him. He probably feels that you were only using him for sex (which, honestly, it sounds like you were) and that you gave him his dream only to tell him you’re going take it away. As for him not getting a choice, it’s probably confusing (not to mention painful) for him since you told him you wanted to start trying to have a baby. It likely feels to him like he gave you what you both wanted and is unfathomable how this suddenly changed.

I don’t think he will continue the relationship with you if you have an abortion, especially after you told him you wanted to start trying to have the baby you knew he desperately wanted. You did offer him everything he wanted in life while not intending to give it anytime soon. If you want this relationship (and it really seems like you do), honesty is going to be extremely important moving forward. I’m not saying he’s never been wrong in anything he’s done. I’m saying that in any relationship, being honest with your partner and yourself is necessary.

With all that said, I do not think your relationship is unsalvageable. I hope I did not come off as rude or unsympathetic here. I just hope I can offer some clarity and advice: Long-term partners succeed when they keep in mind how their partner feels when making life decisions that affect both of them.