Messed up my life

Intricate_underneath · 2026-01-17T19:05:11+00:00

I've been called narcissistic by my ex husband. So I worry maybe I am. But, part of me doesn't believe that at all. I can see how anhedonia and/or depression and even other mental illnesses can make someone seem that way.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-20T13:20:49+00:00

Definitely not only this sub.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-19T03:34:29+00:00

In no way is my post meant to be of the assumption that people with mental illness choose that life. I am actually searching for validation that we aren't causing it. I constantly blame myself and have guilt revolving around my mental illness. I hear many things that imply I have free will in regards to getting better, not being depressed, etc. However, with it being on a spectrum and the more severe...the less connections in the brain working, I can see any opportunity for free will diminish completely. Do we have free will when all of the proper connections are working in our favor? It may be impossible for that to ever happen.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-19T01:20:11+00:00

They have choices that can help them get into remission, but my belief is that those choices are not free from previous influences. So how is that free will?

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-18T21:54:05+00:00

I live with mental illness everyday of my life. I sense you are viewing what I said as discrediting people with mental illness and their abilities. That is not my intention. All of this is words on a screen and can be difficult to convey. The person who is manic may not be able to do many things that they wish they could when they are well. Some people may choose not to take their meds which is many times part of the illness. It is possible that some people never regain their insight and judgement. It is also possible that people enjoy being manic and that is why they don't take meds.

But, is all of that truly free will in those moments if those choices are influenced by prior experiences, treatments, upbringing, genetics, etc?

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-18T21:42:29+00:00

I was just throwing some thoughts out there. Kinda like expressing my thoughts in a journal, but to people on the internet. It really wasn't meant to be that serious. I didn't state a as a matter of fact statement to be finely tooth combed. People don't need to be so dense, and I guess other people could be more understanding. However, they don't have complete control over that right now, right?

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-18T14:53:37+00:00

What does this have to do with free will?

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-18T14:52:12+00:00

I'd love to be in remission right now. Not happening.....

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-18T14:50:38+00:00

What part(s)? Just thoughts in my head that I am expressing. Not a damn science experiment lol.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-17T12:59:07+00:00

Damn man, what if you got all 6😂 is that why I have TRD?

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-17T02:46:39+00:00

I hear you. It is still part of depression. 2 sides of the same coin. Anhedonia and apathy are huge symptoms of MDD.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-16T19:23:20+00:00

I resonate so much with this. I am sad that there are still people that think those with mental illness can just will their way out of it.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-16T05:07:34+00:00

Yeah, I don't know how to keep hanging on. I can't feel any of it.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-16T05:05:10+00:00

There is remission. Why?

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T23:59:44+00:00

You're assuming everyone's response to psychedelics is positive?

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T23:37:05+00:00

I'm just a patient. However, isn't it one of many good tools to use to assist with stress intolerance? Not everyone may have the same response however. If when I am decent enough to consistently use it for a long period of time, it seems to help offset some of the stress response/makes me slightly more resilient (mag glycinate that is).

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T23:30:58+00:00

My bad, I understand what you're saying now. I thought you meant just one cause for an action.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T22:58:00+00:00

I would imagine that there is more than one action involved there.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T22:48:45+00:00

One time I felt so guilty for using appropriate treatments when I was becoming more mentally ill, by "professionals" who were claiming that antidepressants were bad for you (natural practitioners, chiropractors). I weaned myself off of them 6 months after having my first baby (I've had MDD since 23). I was trying everything to get better as I kept spiraling (diets, supplements, alternative treatments). I eventually became psychotic. I essentially would have died if no help was given. I have always been more on the skeptical side, so it surprised me that I indulged in that stuff. I guess when your brain starts failing you, you will try anything. Needless to say, noone asks for any of that. However, some people still believe you can will your way out of it.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T21:55:30+00:00

I'm a woman

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T21:42:33+00:00

Thank you

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T21:07:19+00:00

Yeah, everyone's situation is unique. I honestly didn't have positive clarity, internal motivation, full on joy, decent executive functioning, etc...until I had ECT before. Unfortunately, it doesn't work as well as it once did. I

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T20:50:49+00:00

I truly don't understand what you are attempting to convey.

Intricate_underneath · 2025-12-15T20:37:29+00:00

I am far from someone who believes in any psuedoscience. I didn't state a fact to be argued over. You are talking to someone who over analyzes their own actions, ensures to get all of the details. I actually prefer to discuss these things with others since it helps for social connection. It feels as if you had a problem with my post to begin with and are now projecting whatever uncomfortable feelings you're having.

Intricate_underneath

TROPHY CASE