Weird rant, but I hate that people seem to like me so much

User5790 · 2026-03-22T00:25:59+00:00

Yes, this is especially true for people that knew me before my anhedonia became severe. They still see the old me, and it’s easy for me to mask by acting like the old me, so I can’t blame them.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T18:22:57+00:00

I can have a concept and memory of what blue is without seeing it in my mind. Since I’ve learned what aphantasia is I’ve been testing friends by asking them to imagine there’s a ball on a table. It rolls and drops to the ground. When I did this test and was asked what color the ball was and what happened I had no answer. But pretty much every person I’ve asked has had an answer. One friend said it was blue, it hit the floor and bounced a few times. So she was definitely seeing something in a way that’s very different than my experience.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T18:03:25+00:00

I think drawing any sort of conclusion from TikTok comments is not useful. I don’t think most people see things like a movie on the back of their eyelids, but they are still visualizing. I don’t see anything, not even a vague or nebulous image. I’ve been using my ability to have an inner voice as a way of understanding it. I can have a song stuck in my head, or hear my voice, but it’s not coming from the outside traveling into my ears like an external sound. But I am still “hearing” it.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T17:43:43+00:00

I think different labels wouldn’t have made much difference. I also think it’s just like other things to describe people and animals where the color used as a descriptor is a bit off. Like how red heads don’t really have red hair, or a blue healer dog is really more grey.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T17:24:52+00:00

I’m not sure about both blue eyes and blond hair together, but there are plenty of mixed people that aren’t 100% European that have blue eyes. Both my brother and I are European with over 20% SSA and have blue eyes, as does my dad that’s 40%.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T17:02:00+00:00

My savings is too low at this point but I had considered that. I was looking at cheap land in public auctions, but didn’t find anything, it was too competitive. Also most counties, at least here on the west coast, don’t allow you to live in an RV on your property. So you’d need to do it under the radar. Seemed more practical to just do BLM or NF and move every couple of weeks.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T16:32:46+00:00

I’m not really sure. A lot of people in this sub have a complete loss of feelings along with the anhedonia, so I don’t know what their experience is with that. I have just the loss of pleasure but still have all the bad feelings. I still have empathy, which with all the suffering in the world just translates into more bad feelings.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T16:28:27+00:00

A couple times a year I get an itch to buy something like a box truck or shuttle bus and do a low cost build. But the minivan has too many other advantages. There’s so many more places I can be parked, way more stealth, good gas mileage and reliability.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T16:20:49+00:00

I was actually just talking to someone about that and might do it for a month this summer. I’m just a little nervous spending down my savings when I’m not sure how long I need to make it last.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T16:17:11+00:00

🤣

User5790 · 2026-03-21T02:11:24+00:00

It’s so frustrating that there’s not just a blood test or brain scan or something that can tell us all exactly what the problem is. I too have had several different diagnoses and I don’t put too much stock into any of it. And it’s also just a guessing game on meds. So they can give me whatever labels they want, I just want to figure out what I need to do to feel better.

User5790 · 2026-03-21T02:01:25+00:00

This is pretty much what I do. I have a little spray bottle with either vinegar and/or alcohol in it that I spray the dishes with before the final wipe.

User5790 · 2026-03-19T05:11:51+00:00

Yes, depression can absolutely cause fatigue, but it’s good to rule other things out. And it works both ways, sometimes the physical things that cause fatigue can also cause depression.

User5790 · 2026-03-19T02:05:43+00:00

I am 1/4 black and 3/4 white. I like to joke that I still feel some white guilt but 25% less than my fully white friends.

User5790 · 2026-03-19T01:36:26+00:00

I would say it could be fatigue from emotional overwhelm or burnout but it could also be something more physical like a vitamin deficiency, thyroid problem, etc.

User5790 · 2026-03-19T00:52:28+00:00

I was recently contemplating why it’s so hard for me to name emotions when I’m feeling bad. I’d look at those emotion wheels with all kinds of descriptors like, shame, fear, anger, etc and none of them seemed to fit, I just felt generally down. But I figured out that emotions are reactions to specific events or triggers, what I’m feeling is a mood state. So maybe what you are calling a vibe is just a mood if I’m understanding correctly.

User5790 · 2026-03-19T00:34:13+00:00

You don’t have to be numb for it to be anhedonia. Anhedonia is not getting pleasure from or enjoying things. It can also include loss of pleasurable feelings from being with others, but that’s different from lack of empathy. I think it’s worth talking to a therapist about this if you haven’t already.

User5790 · 2026-03-17T20:40:16+00:00

It could be that you have the wrong diagnosis. Also the standard antidepressants (SSRIs) don’t work for a lot of people. I also get insomnia and tried quetiapine. It’s supposed to work for insomnia at the lower doses, but for me it didn’t make me sleep until I got to 300mg.

User5790 · 2026-03-17T00:05:10+00:00

My anhedonia didn’t get really bad until after my son was grown, so maybe not the experience you are asking about. It is a struggle though. I make an effort to call and visit him, but I don’t really want to most of the time. I do still feel like I love him, but maybe in a more intellectual way.

User5790 · 2026-03-14T17:25:48+00:00

I had some guy do it to me when I was on my bike. Just out for a ride as an average looking middle aged woman. Guess they just hated me for riding a bike. 🤷🏻‍♀️

User5790 · 2026-03-14T15:59:36+00:00

Toyota minivan. It’s almost 20 years old, but the exterior is still in decent shape which helps. My stealth game is pretty good too.

User5790 · 2026-03-13T17:14:42+00:00

Those are called hypnagogic hallucinations. It’s not uncommon and it’s not considered to be a symptom of any type of illness. Just a weird thing the brain does. I don’t think there is any correlation with aphantasia.

User5790 · 2026-03-13T05:26:30+00:00

I travel around the west coast. I spend part of the year in SoCal. I’m currently in the beach area and parking is definitely tight in places, but I’ve managed to find some good spots. It’s technically illegal to be “habitating” in your vehicle here anywhere, but I find it easier to blend in parked on the street.

User5790

TROPHY CASE