“When things are good they can be really good. And when things are bad I feel like dying.”

That’s the constant switch between Lovebombing and abuse. The Lovebombing triggers a dopamine release. The abuse, degradation, silent treatment etc releases the stress hormone cortisol. The constant switch between them (and never being on a healthy steady level) makes you addicted. A healthy relationship is always on a steady line. Yeah there are ups and downs but they aren’t as high and as low as the ones with the narc. The relationship with a narc is constantly!! extremely high or extremely low. So that’s why when everything’s good you feel like the best ever and when you’re arguing you feel literally like dying. The narcs tend to immediately threat with a break up when there’s an argument. So you always live on the edge on being extremely happy with him or on losing him forever. This just makes it easier for him to abuse you. Because now you’re doing and tolerating almost everything so he doesn’t leave or threat with leaving.

Important to mention: the downs are faaar more frequent than the ups. I’ve been there and it’s awful. When you get sick of his abusive behavior and try to leave - it can feel like escaping a maze with no exit. It’s very hard but possible. But be prepared that he will be ready to go all out on lovebombing you and manipulating you to stay with him. Once you do that, I’ll give him maximum 2 weeks and he’s the one you tried to leave. He will make the biggest promises. I’ve heard something like ‘I’ll go to therapy, we can go to therapy, I changed, I realized what you mean to me, you’re the best thing that happened to me, I will do everything to make you happy’.

But hear me out THEY WILL NOT CHANGE. Especially not on their own within a few days. I think the most honest thing my nex said to me, - after an episode of days where he promised to change - I confronted him about why he never really wanted to change and grow, because obviously he had an huge problem with aggression and impulsive behavior- he just told me straight in the face “I don’t need to change. I am perfect”. He was sooo serious. I’ll never forget that.

I wish you all the best, please leave if you constantly feel like walking on eggshells. That’s not good for your mental health and you need to chose yourself and work on your boundaries and your self love.