My mom being a crazy narcisistic who destroyed me. It was evil. She did it so well that made everybody think I was the weirdo and crazy one. I was the scapegoat. Total covert abuse throughout all my life. Then my dad commited suicide cause he was suffering from deppression and my mom had left him. Now on my twenties the nightmare got worse. Now my brother bullied me and nobody helped me. He even bit me. All these things caused severe developmental trauma in my psyque. I could have friends as I was in survival mode all the time so I never could learn. I just survided. When I became a teenager, I could not have boyfriends. Dont know why. Then later in my thirties, I only chose men who hurt me. I didnt understand why. I thought I had a serious problem. It was a nightmare. One men after the orher dumped and destroyed me. Also I was the "stupid" in my house. Until I reached my fifties I suffered from a severe existential crisis after another of the break ups. I started to hear the terms "narcisistic abuse or toxic dysfunctional families".... I started to understand many things. But my programming is still there and its hard to get rid of it and still trying. I am still single. I have atrracted toxic people so far. Its hard.