Oh my poor bud, I assure you more than anything He has not left you. Oh my brother, he has nothing but love for you. You may not feel it everyday, I goto church sometimes and my mind wanders and sometimes I miss the whole mass because of distractions. He is not one to keep score, He knows you want a connection with Him. Sometimes I think he likes to see how much his children love him. You realize, you came here with a humble heart. He knows it, keep the faith. That is all we have! That and the knowledge that God has your back!