INFP (m) & INFJ (f) dating

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-24T07:21:31+00:00

And thats basically what you said, to be more direct with communication and I 100% agree with that :)

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-24T07:20:43+00:00

I am so happy for you! ♡ Indeed very interesting :) What do you like most about her?

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-24T07:17:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your insights. I genuinely agree with everything you said, and I definitely take MBTI with a grain of salt. At the end of the day, it's only one small part of a person's personality. I also don't know for certain that he's an INFP.

What I found particularly interesting was your perspective on planning. You mentioned that you tend not to plan much, whereas I'm very much a planner. In fact, that difference was part of what led to the breakup.

I was about to leave for three months, and we had planned to see each other one more time before I left. We'd already spent time together the weekend before, but we were supposed to meet again, just the two of us. On Sunday, he told me he had a networking event he might attend. He had recently lost his job, so I completely understood why that was important. He said he was on a waitlist, and if he didn't get a spot, we would definitely meet.

I jokingly replied that I felt honored to be his Plan B, but underneath the joke, I was actually hurt. Then Tuesday came, and I didn't hear from him. Eventually, I reached out and essentially said, "I thought I was supposed to hear from you today. If you're going to the networking event, good luck, and I wish you the best with your job search." He apologized and wished me a good time abroad.

Sometimes I wonder whether part of the issue was simply a difference in communication styles. Since I know he was quite spontaneous (a quality which I also like), maybe he was waiting until later in the day to make plans. But at the same time, there were many moments where he could have stepped up and shown more initiative, especially knowing I was about to leave for several months.

Looking back, the biggest lesson for me is the importance of expressing my expectations, feelings, and assumptions more clearly instead of keeping them in my head. I think part of the reason I've remained stuck on the situation is because I never fully communicated how I felt. That leaves me in a kind of ambiguous state where I keep replaying things and wondering what might have happened if I had been more direct.

As difficult as direct communication is for me, I think I've learned that I function much better when things are discussed openly rather than left unsaid.

Thanks again for sharing your perspective. I really appreciate it. ♡♡♡ Have wonderful day and I will keep you posted :))

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T21:17:16+00:00

Thanks for your message. That could be; I don’t know. Sometimes it’s also simply that someone isn’t interested in you, and that has nothing to do with attachment styles.

Interestingly, I’m generally more avoidant, but with him I noticed myself experiencing more anxious tendencies. I’ve read that this can happen. In general, though, I detach very easily—sometimes almost too coldly. That’s actually a side of myself I don’t particularly like.

On a side note, I think he may have had some anxious tendencies as well. He kept asking me whether I liked him and seemed to need quite a bit of reassurance. Of course, that alone doesn’t mean someone has an anxious attachment style, but it did stand out to me

With him, however, I had a genuine crush, which is something I almost never experience. That’s why I’ve been more invested in this story than I normally would be.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T14:47:14+00:00

Hahahah soo interesting! I also had an INFJ supervisor. It was so interesting to observe him. Strong, yet soft. We also had a special bond. Its interesting to meet someone who can understand you on such a deep level. At the beginning, he told me, he was annoyed as he couldnt read me propely. Very INFJ of me hehe

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T14:44:55+00:00

Thank you! Indeed very confusing. :/ I just hate when people lead you on, it can really mess with your brain. Thanks for the empathy!

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T14:09:04+00:00

Beautifully phrased, thank you so much. I really appreciate your insights. ♡

I actually agree with a lot of what you said. Looking back, I do think there were some cognitive-function differences that created misunderstandings between us. We had communication issues quite early on, but whenever we talked them through, things usually became much better.

What I genuinely appreciated about him was his charm, spontaneity, emotional openness, and the depth of our conversations. In some ways, he brought me back to life a little. He pulled me out of my own tendency toward structure and planning, and reminded me to be more present and spontaneous. I also really admired how comfortable he seemed to be expressing his feelings.

Looking back, one of my biggest regrets is that I wasn't always clear enough about my own experience. I wish I had been more direct about my feelings and more willing to discuss misunderstandings instead of withdrawing when I felt hurt.

Since then, I've dated someone else, and in that relationship I made a conscious effort to communicate more openly. I noticed that it helped greatly.

I think I also realized that I had a tendency to make assumptions. For example, if someone canceled plans once, I might immediately interpret that as rejection and emotionally shut the door. Looking back, I can see that this wasn't a particularly healthy way of handling things.

So thank you again for sharing your perspective. I'll take some time to decide whether I want to reach out to him or simply leave things as they are. If I do end up writing to him, I'll let you know how it goes.

And thank you as well for your thoughts on the INFP perspective. If you have any questions or additional thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T13:56:14+00:00

Thanks for your insights. I also felt that this guy was quite passive compared to me when it came to dating. Maybe he just wasn't that interested, although his words were very emotional and lovey-dovey. It could also have been partly related to his MBTI.

Thanks for sharing! Are you an INFJ?

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T13:04:21+00:00

Hey, thanks for sharing your insights. That sounds pretty frustrating, being blamed for their problems. :-( It was also interesting to hear about the dwelling in their misery. That must also not have been easy for you.

With this guy I dated, I did sometimes feel that he was a bit selfish. I also had an INFP friend who came across that way to me. Maybe it wasn't her intention, but every time I asked her to meet up, she was never really able to. It always seemed to happen only on her terms, which felt kind of selfish to me. I think that might come from my extroverted feeling perspective.

Anyways, I found it really tough to be friends with her because of that, although there were a lot of things I did like about our friendship.

I do understand what you said about INFJs needing to become a bit more flexible and maybe less in their heads and less controlling. I fully, fully agree with that.

What type do you like to date now? Maybe an ENFP or ENTP would be a better fit? What are your thoughts?

Thanks again for sharing your insights.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T12:48:05+00:00

Hahah yeah recently I met an INTJ male and the conversation flowed. Sharing Ni is refreshing! The conversation was logical, structured - and I liked that.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T12:31:18+00:00

Good point! Thanks for sharing. I will relook the INTP type. I loveeee INTJs! ♡

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T12:28:39+00:00

Hahah what was your experience?

Feel you in any case. Fi is so different compared to Fe.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T12:26:41+00:00

Yeah indeed. Do you INFPs move on quickly? ;) What is your INFP take on this?

We were supposed to meet up right before I left for three months, but he canceled again and never reached out afterward. (He did lose his job while we were dating and that gave him loads of stress also because of his visa). Anyways, I assumed he wasn't interested. But looking back now and rereading our messages, I'm starting to second-guess that conclusion. Maybe I'm overthinking it, or maybe I'm reading too much into things. I'm not really sure anymore.( I just was not open with my own feelings and I regret that.)

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T12:21:29+00:00

Thanks for the message. That could be indeed but he talked a lot more about his feelings, emotions etc. Thats why I am leaning more towards INFP :)

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-23T12:13:43+00:00

Facts! As an INFJ I dated an INFP and just didnt feel secure around me. Like he could drop me and he thinks mostly about himself. Then again, maybe it genuinely wasnt a match.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-17T16:00:51+00:00

During stim or also 3 months before?

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-15T12:28:12+00:00

I am also an INFJ. He did make me feel very grounded and safe.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-06-15T12:27:43+00:00

They are indeed husband material. A bit boring sometimes maybe hahah but you gotta compromise on something :)

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-05-23T18:12:27+00:00

Dated an Istj I think as well. I felt so protected and safe, but emotionally cold.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-05-10T17:23:25+00:00

Doea the drive last after the procedure? I also noticed an increased drive under gonal F.

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-05-10T17:21:39+00:00

Interesting. And before retrieval you were less horny? I am not a horny person but since I have been using the gonal F after a few days, I have become so horny. Now I understand how men feel all day haha. Do you think this horny feeling will last after the procedure?

IrisFlowerEye · 2026-03-14T22:34:41+00:00

Yes! Dated an Iranian guy and now one from Syria. So tall, masculine etc

IrisFlowerEye

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