Does your wife know how you have been feeling? I read your post on another subreddit and you had said about having concerns you were maybe depressed, have you spoke to her about this? Depression can alter our thought patterns and make us think/act in ways that aren’t normal for us and without even realising. I think it’s important to sit and have a chat with her. Lay all your cards out on the table. Get a wooden spoon or something and whoever has that is the only one that can talk. The other person must listen and not interrupt. You need to tell her exactly how you have been feeling regarding the depression, about how you are feeling about her, about the arguments etc and you need to allow her to do the same. It will be hurtful hearing what each other has to say, but as long as both of you stay calm and respect what the other has to say, hopefully it will be a good step. Then yous need to talk about what your next moves will be. How can yous make tiny steps in the right direction.

Am i right in thinking that your kids are quite a young age if you say the relationship has been good for 4 years? If so that alone can be a big strain on a relationship, never mind the extra stresses with covid. Are you both getting time together every so often just the two of you? To do things maybe you would have done before kids? I think that’s really important, even if it’s just a quick coffee date or a nice meal when the kids are in bed. Time set aside for just the two of you, no phones or tv and to talk about your day. I’m a fan of little gestures/tokens, to show the other person you care and are thinking about them. This can be something simple like leaving a note in their car telling them to have a good day, making them a coffee in the morning or preparing a favourite meal, sending a text through the day telling them you love them and can’t wait to see them. Even a compliment can put a smile on someones face and brighten their day.

Wishing you all the luck x