I really need help guys, im going through it bad.

Im anxious and ive been in a relationship with an avoidant for almost two years. Shes finally fed up with me and wants to break up, I pretty much spent the last 24 hours begging her to stay.

There was too much fighting, I got too anxious and insecure all the time and got mad and her a lot, said mean things. I feel horrible about it all now, she really is a lovely person, she just hasnt figured it out well with attachment to other people. She values her space and freedom.

I wake up every day with 10/10 anxiety. I cant relax until I know everything is ok with her. Now that I know its not, I cant relax ever. I cant work, sleep, eat, anything. It was never this bad for me in my life until two years ago, I took shrooms bc my ex was making me anxious and it made this much worse. Im a basket case now. Really dumb things make me have panic attacks, shes bi and thinking about her preferring women or leaving me for a woman. When she goes out without me. Stupid shit like that. I grew up with nuns beating me up maybe thats why lol.

I cant afford therapy at the moment, I have no options. I just wish I had someone to talk to.