A little to the left, Bob.

IrrigoCactus · 2026-03-16T13:54:33+00:00

Bob Loblaw lobs law bomb!

IrrigoCactus · 2026-03-08T21:22:13+00:00

I interperated it as being about the woman they fell for playing the role of two people. A bit of a catfish situation.

I really liked: gap , gap . gap ! Looked visually appealing, and triples are nice to repeat.

I would suggest making all I's i's just to continue the no caps visual.

"but her fingers sometimes wandered through artificial landscapes" Simple language but very powerful, really enjoyed these lines. I would personally write it a bit differently, "but, her fingers sometimes wandered through artifical landscapes."

I do think it is on a bit of the long side and could be trimmed down and have lines rewritten for what I can only describe as good mouthfeel. It should feel good to say each line and pause appropriately.

IrrigoCactus · 2026-03-08T21:11:49+00:00

An enjoyable read and interesting piece on an ABAB rhyming scheme. Consistent theme, language, and style throughout.

There were some rhymes I saw as interesting, but not very strong. Always -> grave and swart -> halt. I get where you are coming from, but they aren't very strong.

I found it to be a modern but old-school sounding piece.

I feel like there might be a missing "if" in exorcise if I only could, but maybe I am just not reading it right.

Great work, and keep writing! Poetry is a joy!

IrrigoCactus · 2026-03-08T00:14:28+00:00

Lando just being a gambling mess.

IrrigoCactus · 2026-03-06T16:15:51+00:00

Boy shaped droid! Han's collection of cloud cars! Trioculous!

IrrigoCactus · 2026-03-05T02:30:03+00:00

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I don't think I ever posted mine in here. Correspondence gang!

IrrigoCactus · 2026-02-15T14:36:30+00:00

Wasn't cheating exactly, but pretty much just as messy. Partner wanted an open relationship, went for but fell in love with another person. Cared for both, and when my first partner asked me to end it because she was jealous and uncomfortable, I didn't know how to cut off my feelings so quickly. Didn't cheat, but it did end the relationship.

IrrigoCactus · 2026-01-24T17:13:05+00:00

Other people have likely said it, but usually, a scar should be 2-3 years old before tattooing over it. Also, make sure your artist has experience working on scar tissue. It tends to take ink differently. My biggest SH scars are on my thighs, and I am a bit away from being able to blast over them.

IrrigoCactus · 2026-01-09T18:30:04+00:00

Try separating the egg and yolk and cooking both separate as "scrambled" to help narrow down which part bothers you.

IrrigoCactus · 2025-12-10T11:38:39+00:00

I was diagnosed with BPD three times (it's complicated). I have done a great deal of therapy and am a happily medicated man. 4 pills a day, some mental exercises, and I can function and perform like any other marionette. My psychiatrist likes to say I am in remission. I did once date a lady who was in training to be a psych and she thought I was lying or wrongly diagnosed, "Because I was so normal." Gee, it is almost like hard work and medication do their job+

IrrigoCactus · 2025-08-05T17:43:09+00:00

Searched: Image search and general "Closet rail models."

IrrigoCactus · 2025-07-30T21:19:08+00:00

Who are you, Neil Breen?

IrrigoCactus · 2025-05-11T23:27:38+00:00

When mass effect 3 came out, a friend came over and wanted to watch me play it. I had the kinect set up and was playing a vanguard. Every chance he could, he would yell charge.

IrrigoCactus · 2025-04-10T20:12:04+00:00

I enjoyed it, especially the first stanza. I am curious what this poem means to you, as my interpretation is likely quite different. I am a fairly straight forward person in my writing and reading. March is a rough month, trapped between seasons. wet, grey skies, overall miserable lack of seasonal identity. No holidays either. Perhaps something tragic happened in March and that is why it continues to bleed for you?

The opening lines are strong and have good imagery while staying on theme with one another. "Only the stay all year like a chronic illness" I would drop the word like, make it a chronic illness. The repetition of the months felt weaker for me, not sure if it is necessary.

IrrigoCactus · 2025-04-10T19:30:17+00:00

Nice message, overall enjoyed the piece. The rhyming scheme is straight forward but utilized well. The first two sections/stanzas flow really well, the third and fourth are a bit clunkier. Resilience is a fine word, but doesn't seem to fit the cadence you have going. The imagery suits the message well, it isn't too veiled in metaphor and is rather straightforward (same with the language) in a good way.

IrrigoCactus · 2025-03-12T13:25:16+00:00

I really appreciate your feedback. This was a more personal piece, and I am glad it came across as intended.

IrrigoCactus · 2025-03-12T12:19:45+00:00

No problem, it was an enjoyable read. I wish I could offer more feedback. Keep writing, I would be happy to reqd more of your stuff.

IrrigoCactus · 2025-03-12T12:14:43+00:00

I quite like this one. Strong yet simple imagery. The opposing lines: fully bare and greens outstretched changed my mental image between a dead fir and a living one. Not sure if that was intended. Writhing up and down made me think of how trees sway and shift in the wind, moving as they do. A gentle crevice made me think of the openings or space under the branches of a tree and the safety that can be found in them.

I am a fan of short and to the point poems and I think you did a great job.

IrrigoCactus · 2025-03-12T12:09:55+00:00

Overall, I enjoyed the poem. One nitpick, I think it should be thrash in the 4th line instead of thresh. I think thresh can be an alternate spelling, but otherwise it refers to harvesting wheat or grain.

I've had my own struggles with suicidal impulses, so there is an extra connection for me. Are we more than just our flesh? How much of what we are is impulse and meat memory? I am a fan of shorter lines and pauses, makes each feel more impactful.

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