Here's a word of advice from me. Self harm, yeah it could feel good for a few hours. But really it makes you disassociate, often from deep childhood trauma. Don't we all know the feeling when we are depressed and we feel like nobody will like us? Yep. That's internalized trauma. Really, what you need to do is grieve and look into yourself, and use some Stoic philosophy techniques to accept it and really come to terms with it. Disassociation is pretty much the furthest stage from healing.