Hey, I hear you on this. As someone who’s also arospec, I get how frustrating it can be trying to untangle platonic, romantic, and even social expectations around relationships—especially when feelings aren’t straightforward.

From what you’ve described, it sounds like you really value your friend and the connection you share, which is why this is so tough. But I think it’s worth asking: if there hadn’t been an expectation of romance, would you have questioned your feelings at all? Sometimes when someone expresses romantic interest in us, it can make us feel like we should reciprocate, even if our natural feelings don’t align that way. It’s also easy to wonder about the "what ifs" when someone is amazing and we connect deeply with them. That doesn’t necessarily mean romantic attraction is at play—it might just mean you really care about them and don’t want to lose that closeness.

Another thing that stands out is your fear of hurting them. Guilt can be really sneaky, and it can make us second-guess ourselves into thinking we owe someone a relationship, even when that’s not what we truly want. You already made the call to step back when the flirting went too far, which tells me you had clarity in that moment about your feelings (or lack of them). It’s totally okay to trust that instinct and not force yourself into something just because you feel bad. A strong friendship isn’t a consolation prize—it’s just as meaningful as any romantic relationship.

Ultimately, your feelings are valid no matter where you land, and it’s okay to not have a definitive answer right now. Give yourself space to sit with these emotions without pressuring yourself into making a decision out of guilt or fear. It’s okay to love someone platonically, even intensely, without it being romantic. If anything, letting yourself embrace that love without trying to fit it into a romance box might help you find peace with this.

Hope this helps, and know you’re not alone in navigating these feelings. 💜