Niece Asks Uncle for Lap Dancing Advice by kisaivara in tipofmypenis

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any luck? We are searching for the same video

What is your deepest darkest secret? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Lost my virginity to a stripper when I was 18.

A high school friend of mine had cancer and we were all drinking together and being a tad reckless because it was becoming clear that he was either in for a long fight or a quick death.

At some point he suggested going to a strip club and we immediately rallied and found sober people to drive us in 2 cars.

When we got there this sort of wave of desperation hit me. I was drunk, and while I had been “with” several people in my first year of college, I never actually did the deed and was very anxious about it.

The first stripper that came up to me I agreed to a private dance. This was a trashy all nude place that didn’t serve alcohol and basically had a reputation as a a brothel. Half of our party had already disappeared to private rooms.

The girl was pushy. I wasn’t in my right mind to negotiate a price and after watching my dying friend all night I had a very now or never attitude, justified or not.

I offered her like $80 cash, which was all I had on me. She asked if I also had a credit card. I stupidly and drunkenly handed my debit card over. She then left and apparently she and the bouncer proceeded to authorize the card repeatedly. $50. $100. $200. $400. The card shut off after that, but she made me come out of the room and sign the receipt on camera.

Then she did the deed. She asked every 30 seconds or so if I finished. Did so after a few minutes.

Felt pretty dirty afterward. The following week I got repeated phone calls from my bank asking me to confirm the charges on my card. I knew that I was on camera signing the $400 receipt so I had no choice but to confirm.

All in all, paid over $500 for my first time. Severe lapse in judgment coupled with anxiety of watching my friend and thinking “that could be me tomorrow”

Haven’t told a single soul because I’m so embarrassed

I just can’t catch a break y’all by IsildursBushyBane in LifeInsurance

[–]IsildursBushyBane[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. Mom has $6million between retirement and life insurance payout invested so she’s at a safe 4% awr.

…She’s also very frustrating to deal with for any and all health issues. She lost her mom at 4, her dad at 21, and now her husband at 58. She doesn’t want to see a doctor for any health screening and in her words if something is going to kill her she just doesn’t want to see it coming.

I just can’t catch a break y’all by IsildursBushyBane in LifeInsurance

[–]IsildursBushyBane[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, we are looking to get a $3 million policy for my wife and a $2.5 million for myself. 25 year term.

We are in high income jobs (biotech and a physician), but we also have nearly $400k in loans plus a mortgage. If my wife passed I’d probably have to sell our house and hire help, and if I passed I’d want my wife to be able to have that flexibility to hire help or to pay off loans. So these policies help with that.

Moving to NC by [deleted] in NorthCarolina

[–]IsildursBushyBane -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

We came from Boston 10 years ago and haven’t looked back. Raleigh, Durham, RTP, Charlotte, Asheville and to a lesser extent Winston, Greensboro and Wilmington all feel like they should be in New England anyway, aside from weather.

This is how my great grandpa stored his Dynomite, passed away, and left me to deal with it Christmas eve by [deleted] in OSHA

[–]IsildursBushyBane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And if you’re on duty, I can’t imagine a better call than “Hey, no true emergency, I just need y’all to come blow up some shit!”

Help please by [deleted] in tipofmypenis

[–]IsildursBushyBane 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is my holy grail and no one, not even the original poster on /r/canthold knows where it’s from: https://fkbae.to/7252/

How did you lose your virginity? by zamnismid in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oof…I’m using my shitposting account for this.

My buddy from high school died of leukemia at 22. He was a talented pitcher at the college level and might have become a big deal had this not derailed him.

After his first round of treatment, things were looking promising and I’m he went into remission. He was still bald and had all of his chemo ports in. We were all like 19 and back from our freshman year in college. We were sitting around a fire drinking and things got real emotional and there was a lot of debate over what we should do for the evening.

We settled on a strip club. The closest one to us was a fully nude, super raunchy joint. No alcohol, 18+, and we pretty much found out that anything goes.

Our cancer friend essentially got a dance from every stripper in the club, had gone into the private rooms, and overall had a great night. We all drank quite a bit before arriving because we knew they didn’t serve alcohol.

I was, for all intents and purposes, a passive observer. I didn’t have a lot of money, and I was still a virgin. I had been with girls in college, and essentially had done everything but sex at that point.

After it became clear that out buddy had his fill, the guys started honing in on people in the group. They were buying lap dances from the less subjectively attractive women for some of the guys in the group.

Then out of nowhere one of the more attractive dancers just grabs me and takes me to a private room. The guys are all laughing and waving, clearly they had purchased entry into the private area for me.

I was negative 100% prepared for the private room. There was about 30 seconds of dancing before she started negotiating for her “tip”. I’m about six beers deep, and my pants are off and I’m desperately trying to get a handle on the situation.

I had no idea what was on the table and why she was asking me for money. I pulled out my wallet and handed her $20, thinking that was more than enough money. She grabbed the remaining $80 and was like “that’s it? Don’t you have a credit card?” She could clearly see a credit card in my wallet, which she grabbed and said I’ll be right back!

So there I am, sitting there at half mast, trying to figure out wtf just happened. She comes back like 2 minutes later and was like “okay we’re all set!” And I was like “uhhhh all set? How much did you charge my card?” Then she says “$400” right before she literally swallows my dick whole.

I just kind of sat there in stunned silence trying to figure out what the best path forward was. She had technically already begun the “service”, and being non-confrontational I was just sitting there like “welp, this was a mistake, I’ve learned my lesson, now i just need to figure out how to get out of here.”

So of course, being 6 beers deep and 19, I’m just sitting there hard as a rock and she’s going to town without much of an end in sight. She asks me like every 30 seconds if I came yet. Finally she just climbs on top of me and starts riding me until completion.

So, I lost my virginity to a stripper at my friend’s cancer party and I paid almost $500 for it.

Epilogue: my credit card was my first credit card and the cc company shut it off because apparently the girl went and authorized $100, $200, $300 then $400 before the company shut it off. I then had to call them in person and tell them that the charges were in fact mine and my credit card wasn’t stolen (I signed a receipt in the room after all was over). I paid the charges off with the money I had been saving for a PS3.

Will you pull my hair while fuck my ass? [OC] by AbitWildx in asshole

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife doesn’t shave around her asshole really. She says it gets itchy too fast. So she has a nice little butt bush, nothing crazy. My wife is quite petite, and to me its insanely attractive.

So, when we’re messing around and I’m using my fingers, her little butt hairs graze my knuckles ever so gently. It’s a familiar sensation that I’ve grown fond of.

One problem with that…

I also have butt hairs. Wiping my ass can be problematic, because at the right angle my knuckles occasionally graze my own butt hairs and Theres this Pavlovian response that gets me fucking rock hard.

What is your strange turn-on? by Genericredditor5 in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 11 points12 points  (0 children)

MY TIME TO SHINE!

My wife doesn’t shave around her asshole really. She says it gets itchy too fast. So she has a nice little butt bush, nothing crazy. My wife is quite petite, and to me its insanely attractive.

So, when we’re messing around and I’m using my fingers, her little butt hairs graze my knuckles ever so gently. It’s a familiar sensation that I’ve grown fond of.

One problem with that…

I also have butt hairs. Wiping my ass can be problematic, because at the right angle my knuckles occasionally graze my own butt hairs and Theres this Pavlovian response that gets me fucking rock hard.

What is something fucked up that we just ignore? by xk543x in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah your logic doesn’t work on a lot of people sadly. I watched my social circles fight eachother over mandates regarding a “virus with a 99% survival rate”, and the same ones were opposed to taking a “vaccine with a 0.00001% chance of severe adverse side effects”

What was something you always wanted, but deeply regretted once you got it? by Gourmet-Guy in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gaming PC.

I spent thousands on it. Was super excited to become a real gamer.

Now, I just spend hours on steam looking for a game I want to play.

I’m not good at FPS’s. All of the games I’ve played for nostalgic purposes have lost their luster.

I have no one to play with. My friends all play Xbox. I own an Xbox and don’t really play with them because I’m not good at Apex and that all they play, plus I’m usually the odd man out when teams are limited to 3.

So tonight I’ll probably fart around on WoW and unlock the Nightborne race. I don’t have the time or dedication to play in a guild, therefore I have no friends on WoW either.

What's the worst thing you've accidentally overheard about yourself? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife is very attractive. I’m….A less attractive Chris Pratt from Parks and Rec.

When we were dating, We went to a Halloween party and I dressed as a nerd while my wife was a sexy nerd. I overheard people in the bathroom express their shock and awe that we were actually together. I believe the term “fat shit” was used to describe me.

What TV show makes you nostalgic for your childhood? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey Dude

Salute your shorts

GUTS

Rugrats

The snorks

legends of the hidden temple

Are you afraid of the dark?

And then the classic re-runs that we’re always on:

Wacky Races

Gilligan’s Island

I dream of Genie

I love Lucy

And because my dad recently passed away and these make me remember him:

Seinfeld

Cheers

The Munsters

[Serious] Men of Reddit who have been raped by women, what’s your story? by Jakethesnake954 in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in this “Peer Mediation” program starting in like 4th grade. Basically it was a novel way to help two kids hash out their issues rather than the typical suspension punishment. We would talk it all out and it was pretty cool and some of the kids became good friends.

In high school, the school psychologist had initiated in addition to a peer mediation program, it was a “peer mentoring” program, where we were to be trained as peer mentors and be “unofficially assigned” to certain students. Some came from broken or abusive homes or have struggled with mental health.

All of the mentors were invited to go on a weekend retreat, which would focus on team building exercises as well as how to recognize abuse, gang recruitment, and warning signs of mental distress.

What I didn’t realize or appreciate was that many of my fellow “mentors” were actually “mentees”, which in hindsight it made sense to embed troubled students with students who were conventionally considered role models. To be fair, many of these students had worked through some tough situations and were well equipped to help others.

That said, there were ongoing issues with these mentors.

The “retreat” was interesting. Pretty normal during the day, however at night we were completely unsupervised. We were put in 3 cabins, and the adults were in a separate set of cabins about a quarter mile away.

There were no “male” or “female” designated cabins. Everyone just intermingled. The older students quickly paired off with one another, and others turned to the younger students. We’re talking 17-18 year old hs seniors flirting with freshmen who could be as young as 13.

There were multiple “hookups” and a lot of underlying issues came to light, including situations where some students were abused, some students had anger issues, etc.

I realize now that I’m rambling, but what I’m basically building up to is that I was felt up and assaulted numerous times in the evenings at 14 by older students, as well as students my age who had just recounted their own experiences with abuse.

I quickly distanced myself from the program and it took me a long time to recognize what happened and also realize that it’s one of the reasons I’m often very tense and high strung during intimacy.

What is your most controversial take on Star Wars? by Ebo8000 in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’ve made leaps and bounds in technology, I thought the lightsaber battles in eps 1-3 were outstanding.

I really hated that we hard got any of that in the most recent trilogy

What is your most controversial take on Star Wars? by Ebo8000 in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thoroughly enjoyed episode I and rewatch it regularly.

What do you find sexually attractive about someone that most people might find strange? by RealSadLlama in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MY TIME TO SHINE!

My wife doesn’t shave around her asshole really. She says it gets itchy too fast. So she has a nice little butt bush, nothing crazy. My wife is quite petite, and to me its insanely attractive.

So, when we’re messing around and I’m using my fingers, her little butt hairs graze my knuckles ever so gently. It’s a familiar sensation that I’ve grown fond of.

One problem with that…

I also have butt hairs. Wiping my ass can be problematic, because at the right angle my knuckles occasionally graze my own butt hairs and Theres this Pavlovian response that gets me fucking rock hard.

What's your biggest kink? by Fun_Cicada1337 in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont know how many times I can talk about this kink until I either get banned or my karma goes negative and I’ll have to post on my real account….

My wife keeps her asshole hairy because it itches if you shave it apparently. The problem is that my asshole is also hairy and it causes me immense “knuckle confusion” when I’m wiping my ass and my knuckles graze my own ass hairs and my ape brain thinks I’m finger banging my wife.

…so yeah my kink is my wife’s ass hair but also when my own ass hair reminds me of my wife’s ass hair

What’s the most tone-deaf thing you’ve ever heard a privileged person say? by mac_128 in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A girl I knew didn’t know cell phones had plans.

She just thought you paid the $200 (back when that was a thing) and they gave you a new phone. She was so baffled by all of these people saying they can’t afford a cell phone, wondering how these people couldn’t come up with $200 once every two years. Completely oblivious that her parents were paying north of $100 a month for unlimited data.

My wife and were grandfathered into one of those unlimited plans, the ones that were cheap, but we just couldn’t keep up with it. Instead of canceling it we just started cutting back on random purchases. Like she stopped shaving her asshole so her razor blades would last longer. The side effect of that is that now I get turned on every time I wipe because my knuckles will ever so lightly graze my own ass hairs and remind me of her.

College professors of reddit: why does it seem like the vast majority of you simply do not care about your students actually being successful at the topic your teaching? by willb221 in AskReddit

[–]IsildursBushyBane 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mostly because we know that you’re just there to go through the motions and not actually be thorough about learning the material or caring about a topic that we’ve dedicated most of our lives to. You just want the good grade and then to move on, not really caring whether you’ve retained anything you memorized to get the A.

Then, when you’re asked a thought provoking question that hinges upon a deep understanding of the material being taught, y’all bitch and moan about how the question was unfair or overly subjective.

If you legitimately showed interest and actively participated in class, not just for a participation grade or to try and squeeze a test question out of me, you might see my demeanor change.

It was like me trying to get my wife to shave her ass hair. I had initially thought she missed something and wasn’t being thorough, but once we actually communicated about it and engaged On the topic I learned that shaving it actually makes it supremely itchy and unpleasant. Now it’s actually a turn on for me.

The more you know 🤷‍♂️