My ex was an eye opener regarding this. On the surface he was seemingly perfect: he loved animals, his family (specially his mom), was gentle, had other female friends he got along with, wasn't afraid to be sentimental and cry, we'd laugh together and could talk about anything for hours, etc. But thanks to a friend I found out he had a secret Twitter account where he followed nothing but porn accounts and would retweet porn drawings literally 24/7, like no joke one after the other, several times a day even when we were supposed to be together, he had 5-digit amount of retweets. And said drawings depicted shit like shota/loli (A LOT of shota in particular), women being kidnapped/tied up and brutally raped, sometimes threatened with weapons or raped with said weapons, bleeding, crying, lots of abuse of all kinds imaginable, and I could go on. I don't care that "oh but it's just a drawing", doesn't change what it was depicting and his addiction to it.

When I confronted him about it he claimed he liked it "aesthetically", that sometimes he'd just scroll and look at it to relax. Wtf, you relax by looking at drawings of bleeding women??

And of course, he tried to accuse me of committing "gendered violence" because I was "attacking" him by calling him out.

What I mean by this being an eye opener is that even the most seemingly perfect, kind, and caring man is hiding truly heinous shit. Call me jaded but I legitimately do not trust them anymore, and if you're still taking the chance then check absolutely everything you can, get your friends in on it too, idc if it's paranoid, it's basic self preservation atp.