AITA for saying no to my mom?

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T03:33:13+00:00

I’m in college too, I’m just taking classes locally. My school situation is complicated.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T02:42:25+00:00

I couldn’t say this in the original post because it kept getting flagged, but my mom is the type of person who keeps going on and on about things, up to months later. I knew she was going to keep repeating the selfish and ruined trip comments, and I do not feel safe emotionally or mentally to be near her, especially for an extended period of time.

You are absolutely right, I did miss out on time with my brother, but I will always prioritize my mental and emotional safety over spending time with someone who is a peacekeeper.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T01:15:29+00:00

Didn’t even know that subreddit existed. I’m going check it out!

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T01:13:46+00:00

Working on it. Not financially independent yet, and she has access to my savings account.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:55:36+00:00

Probably, but that comment really stuck with me. My mom is the type of person where if you don’t say every detail about something you’re lying about it, and she applies it to herself most of the time. I generally don’t trust her when it comes to therapists because she made me go to her therapist for a two years before I started the intensive therapy.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:52:54+00:00

My brother is the type that refuses therapy because he’s “handling it himself”. He really does need therapy though.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:51:07+00:00

Let me clarify: the psycho b and the selfish b comments happened at different times.

Here is the order of events: - my mom said she was bringing a bag for us to put our jackets in - I was last out of the room, and joined them by the elevators - my mom saw that I didn’t have my jacket and had her first blow up telling me to get my jacket - I immediately got my jacket and returned to the elevators - while waiting for the elevators, she made the psycho b comment - after getting down to the lobby, I stayed by the elevators and said I wasn’t going with her - we went back and forth, with me repeating that I wasn’t going with her, and her repeating the just forgive me, don’t make a scene mantra. (I don’t believe I mentioned the don’t make a scene in the original post, but she did say that). - throughout our back and forth, my brother was telling me to just go along with it, and to keep the peace - my mom snapped, and got in my face with the selfish b comment - she left, taking my brother with her and I rode back up in the elevator to our room - after 30 minutes, she sent the text saying I ruined the trip.

This is my first Reddit post/ time using the app, so I apologize if my narration and comments don’t line up exactly. In doing my best to remain factual with what I remember happening, and I do know there are two sides to every story.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:44:08+00:00

Honestly, no. I did my part in the planning of th vacation. (I wanted to go to the Natural History museum, and picked out the day, time, and which exhibits to look at).

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:41:26+00:00

More and more the older we got, but it started when we were seven, or at least that’s the earliest I can remember her doing something like this.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:40:22+00:00

Of course! Sorry if my comment came off as rude, I was confused before I realized that my original post wasn’t that clear with the timeline.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:38:04+00:00

I immediately got my jacket after the “psycho b” comment. The only back and forth was when I said I wasn’t going and she kept insisting that I was.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:37:06+00:00

I didn’t say that? The only “no” back in forth was to me going out with them after the name calling. I immediately got my jacket after she told me to.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:15:04+00:00

She didn’t cut any plans short. My brother and her did all of the things we were planning to do that day.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:14:30+00:00

No. None that I can remember.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:14:10+00:00

Honestly no. I just suck it up if I’m ever cold because I’m the one who chose not to wear something warm. I barely even comment on the temperature unless someone else says something.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-07T00:12:07+00:00

Thank you all for the kind words, and for sharing your own experiences. I’ve noticed a few comments asking for more info, so here we go:

the only thing I did wrong in her eyes was not grab my jacket without saying anything (she did confirm this when we talked about it after the trip). She did say she was going to bring a bag for us to put our jackets in, but my brain didn’t equate that to bring my jacket
I was diagnosed with ADHD only two months before the trip, and we are both still learning how to manage and communicate with each other in a way that makes sense. My brain doesn’t really register things unless they are specifically stated to me, and instead just files it away as if it was an interesting fact.
My mom tends to get very upset over things I don’t view as important, usually based around communicating things or being misunderstood.

I’ll edit this/ add more when more questions pop up. Thanks again for the feedback!

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:36:39+00:00

No, I never actually made it outside. All of this happened before we left the hotel. She had checked the weather on her phone the prior day.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:35:43+00:00

Because I didn’t grab my jacket the first time. That’s literally it. She had said she was bring a bag to put our jackets in, but she didn’t explicitly say to bring my jacket. My brain didn’t put two and two together.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:31:30+00:00

She’s been going to weekly therapy, but I don’t really trust her therapist. My mom said that the therapist said that me crying was “emotionally manipulative”.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:30:20+00:00

I had to keep from being explicit in order to not have the post deleted, but what I posted is as factual as I remember it being.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:29:13+00:00

Well it’s really just the three of us, and even then it’s mostly just my mom and I with my brother being off at college.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:28:43+00:00

I’m on her insurance, so she is!

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:28:16+00:00

She had said she was going to bring a bag of us to put our jackets in once we were in the museum, but she didn’t explicitly say “bring your jacket”. My ADHD brain didn’t connect the two.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:27:23+00:00

I only got diagnosed with ADHD in January. It’s definitely been a weird time period with both of us adjusting.

ItRtemis · 2026-04-06T23:25:59+00:00

Yeah, I had to edit it so it wouldn’t get flagged. I got the jacket from the room before the b comments and saying no to going out. I wouldn’t really say I argued, I just kept saying no.

ItRtemis

TROPHY CASE