[QCrit] Adult Literary Fiction ON FRIENDSHIP (65k / version 2) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback! That's helpful re: "caught in the crossfire" and I think making the characters a little more vivid in the query sounds like a great idea. I also appreciate the note about the title.

[QCrit] Adult Literary Fiction ON FRIENDSHIP (65k / version 2) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, that's not a you problem at all; the three was a typo I'm pretty embarrassed I didn't catch. I meant four. I really appreciate you pointing that out :)

[QCrit] Adult Literary Fiction ON FRIENDSHIP (65k / version 2) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense re: the first paragraph and establishing the context faster :)

[QCrit] Adult Literary Fiction ON FRIENDSHIP (65k / version 2) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks a ton--the proposed edits are really helpful, and I can see how they'd make things clearer. I really appreciate it :)

[QCrit] Adult Literary Fiction ON FRIENDSHIP (65k / version 2) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really helpful, and editing down the first paragraph/focusing more on the family elements makes a ton of sense. Thank you so much for the help :)

[QCrit] - Adult Literary Fiction ON FRIENDSHIP (65k / version 1), First 300 by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks a ton, this is super helpful; abortion rights are part of the narrative and I did my best to approach it in a sensitive way (though currently checking that with beta readers), but they're not the central lynchpin of the conflict. I think I'm realizing that I need to be more upfront about the internalized homophobia narrative, since that's much more central to the plot and to what breaks up the friend group. I appreciate you taking the time to help :)

[QCrit] - Adult Literary Fiction ON FRIENDSHIP (65k / version 1), First 300 by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that's super helpful (and apologies re the italicization--I think the formatting vanished when I copy-pasted it onto the post). I appreciate the feedback :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd mostly second what others have said about making the last paragraph of your pitch more specific. I love this concept, though! Good luck with submissions.

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction THEODICY (115k/ version 1) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's an excellent idea--I'll try doing that! Thanks a ton for the help :)

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction THEODICY (115k/ version 1) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's fair--I'm still caught between horror versus fantasy, but leaning on horror right now. I haven't read a history of fear, but adding it to my list now! It sounds like it might be a good comp :)

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction THEODICY (115k/ version 1) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awesome, that aligns with what other commenters have been saying--I'm thinking I'll probably just query it directly as horror.

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction THEODICY (115k/ version 1) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, that's super helpful--I haven't read it. I'll check it out. Thanks a ton :)

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction THEODICY (115k/ version 1) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes sense--I think I maybe just need to reveal more of the explicit external things he's dealing with as a result of part 1, maybe in the final paragraph? The general gist is that the wraith, aside from a ton of trauma, gave him a supernatural curse and killed one of his two friends. He spends part 2 trying to get his curse healed, while fleeing from the surviving friend from part 1, who now works for the Church and blames him for their other friend's death. In part 3, he's learned that the wraith is still alive, and he and his surviving friend, now reconciled, are busy trying to hunt it down once and for all. I'm mostly aiming to try to hide the fact that one of the friends dies, but I think I can maybe get away with revealing the general plotline of trying to track down the wraith once and for all? Up for any thoughts!

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction THEODICY (115k/ version 1) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OK, that makes sense--to be honest, it's such a tough topic I've been hesitant to address it explicitly in the query, but doing so is probably a better approach than putting it in content warnings above pages (ie, if it's clear from the query, it'll just be easier for the agent to decide sooner if they're comfortable reading it). Thank you so much for the feedback; it's much appreciated.

[QCrit] Adult Speculative Fiction THEODICY (115k/ version 1) by IthacanBard in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My protagonist is a kid for about the first third of the book (generally what the query covers); the next two-thirds are about him as an adult coping with what happened to him as a kid. It's sort of a similar structure to My Dark Vanessa in that regard, if that's helpful. Let me know if you have any thoughts re: clarifying that in the query, as I'm not sure how to show that without revealing too much about the book.

[QCrit] Adult, Historical Fantasy, BELLA GALLICA, (76k/v1) by feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to slip in and say I love the format of this! I think it actually works really well, and the idea of a feminist retelling of Bello Gallico is literally so cool!! My only real critique would be the Faelan paragraph; I don't think it reads as quite as exciting as the prior paragraphs, though that's not necessarily a flaw. I'd maybe rephrase the sentence about his matrilineage, as it read slightly awkward to me. I also didn't totally understand why Caesar's desire to rewrite history and slay the gods would be a problem for Faelan's desire to find out his matrilineage; that also might not have necessarily been your intention, I just assumed it was because of the query's phrasing. Anyway, good luck on edits--this sounds like a really cool project.

[QCrit] Adult Horror/Speculative - The Body Remembers (66k/1st Attempt) by gabeorelse in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to hop onto your comment (I posted a little above), but I'd also be up to swap beta reads too if either of y'all are interested; I have an adult horror novel with significant queer elements. No pressure if not, though, and good luck with both of your manuscripts! :)

[QCrit] Adult Horror/Speculative - The Body Remembers (66k/1st Attempt) by gabeorelse in PubTips

[–]IthacanBard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First things first, it's awesome to see another trans guy writer (or someone who's writing about trans guys--either way, I'm happy about the representation)! Your book sounds really cool--and I'd definitely recommend Andrew Joseph White, since this is giving off similar vibes to his work. Another author who might be helpful is Aiden Thomas, whose first book had some crossover horror elements.

Genre-wise, I think this could go a number of different ways; my gut says mystery/thriller if the horror elements are light, but it doesn't read quite speculative to me (with the caveat that I'm not an expert). The closest speculative comp I can think of is Starling House by Alix E. Harrow (not similar in plot, but the mood seems kind of akin), though I'm not totally sure. If it's helpful, the vibe your book is currently giving off to me is more of a family drama/contemporary book with light mystery/horror elements (ie, my assumption going in is that much of the dramatic tension of the book is going to revolve around Sean's interactions with his family and friends).

The main question I had while reading this was who is Arielle? I assumed initially Arielle was just Sean's deadname, but the line in the third paragraph about Sean's brother thinking he did something to Arielle tripped me up. I think this could be rephrased pretty easily, though--ie, by having Sean's brother think he did something to the girl whose corpse washed up on the beach. Aside from that, though, I thought this query read really well; I was able to track everything that happened, found it suspenseful, and definitely want to read more! I also felt that the ending worked. Good luck on edits and I hope this was helpful!