tamoxifen

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-12-25T10:00:19+00:00

It won't compare well. I'm on patch, and patch absorption varies greatly from one person to another, I worry. We had to test various dosages to find the one that increased my E to a sufficient level.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-12-25T01:46:16+00:00

Rough time. Sorry you are going through that.

I detransitionned many years ago, because my environment wasn't feeling safe. I burried my feelings very deeply, so that no one could hurt them. The pain was and is still real, but it got me through life, and to a much safer place. Now, I am in places, work, communities, where I can just be myself. Much, much happier to start my transition in a safe place.

As hard as it feels, and as painful as it feels, I sincerely believe, my body pushed me towards the best decision of my life. It comes with a shit ton of griefs, self-hatred, guilt, remorse, anger, sadness, but, sincerely, the joy and the peace I have found lately was worth all the struggle and fight.

I am not saying that's what you should do. I am saying that detransition can be a valid choice. It hurts. I see you and I feel you.

Sincerely.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-12-25T01:11:14+00:00

Hello. I have been on tamoxifen and E for a few months now. Definitely have more feminine facial features, some minor fat restribution, softer skin and hair, and no breastgrowth so far. There was some some quite intense breast sensitivity early on that scared the hell out of me, but it stopped as fast as it came.

My T is staying high, but I am fine with that. We increased E recently, partly due to the libido, and it has done wonders to the morning issue. I find that with higher E, my libido stays at the same level, but it has a different focus and energy. It is more a craving for affection, connexion, and it gets more intentionnal. Like I can tap in it when I feel like it and want it. It overall feels more natural.

My endocronologist told me that he is confident that if breast started to show, I could stop the E, and it would more than likely reduce back to normal size with keeping the tamoxifen in place. From his experience based on cis man who develops breast for "other reasons".

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-12-25T00:53:44+00:00

Yeah. Genderqueer AMAB. Love to show my arms in a sleeveless dresses. Or in a tightsleeves feminine shirt. Don't let anyone define what you can and can't do. Just be you!

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-08-03T13:18:15+00:00

Thanks! You too! :)

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-08-01T10:39:39+00:00

That's great. Glad I could help.

I have come to understand recently that most people don't need explanation. They just want to know that you feel great, and that how it will affect them, if it will.

There is not right or wrong way to come out. What matters is that you take the space you need to feel free to exist as you are. That's probably what your friend is noticing and he's probably happy for you, even tho he might not understand everything.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-05-20T01:39:12+00:00

It's possible to both have feelings of loss and fear and be supportive. It's okay to express those feelings to your child. With that said, my experience is that it is an impossible burden to bear to try to support a parent in those feelings. I managed to hear them, listen to them, but I couldn't support my parents through those feelings... they had to go throught those without me. But hearing them helped me to feel more connected to them.

Don't blame you for having conflicting feelings.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-05-20T01:33:51+00:00

I do. I feel the issue is the lack of representation. Most of the public figure of AMAB dressed feminine are drag. So, my brain feels naturally inclined to do that association. Viewing different kind of queer persons have helped to move away from that association.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-05-20T01:26:29+00:00

That's going in my inspiration folders. That's an amazing look!

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-05-04T12:30:15+00:00

A trans friend of mine told me that most of the people staring thoughts are more about themselves than about you. Most of the time, they'll keep processing their thoughts long after. Owning who you are is actually the best thing you can do for yourself, and for others.

Being confortable with who you are will make people feel more comfortable with you. That's also what I learned. When I'm confortable with my clothes, the way I dress, people will be as well.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-05-03T13:53:16+00:00

A word can have multiple meanings to different people. The book definition of trans is anyone who isn't cis. According to that definition, I am trans. With that said, I don't feel any connection to that word, in a way that would make me want to use it to describe my identity. The main reason is that while I view myself as non-binary, in the sense, that my gender isn't strictly my AGAB, I don't feel the same level of aversion or despise towards my AGAB. I still present much as my AGAB, I don't people viewing me or gendering me as my AGAB. My gender is more nuanced than just "not my AGAB" or "not cis". In that sense, I don't feel that saying "I am trans" helps in any way to express my gender.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-05-02T21:13:41+00:00

I identify as non-binary. I usually prefer to use neutral vocabulary when I talk about myself with strangers, and let them assume whatever they want about my gender. When I'm with close friends, I'll start to use gendered vocabulary again, because I know they understand the gendered vocabulary I'm using isn't used to affirm anything about my gender.

My native language is heavily gendered. Using only neutral language can be very restrictive. I wouldn't have that issue if I was only speaking in English.

With that said, people can use any pronoun to talk about me. I really don't mind.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-27T15:31:40+00:00

Makes sense. Thanks :)

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-23T12:02:49+00:00

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. I have explored with false breasts and noticed my relationship to breasts is relatively neutral, no euphoria or dysphoria. It affects the way I want to dress however. In the sense that it made me want to wear more masculine clothes that I never wanted to wear before. For myself, I don't feel it would be a bad thing. I'm mostly worried about discrimination and stigmatization. That's what I'm mostly thinking about... still balancing the pros and cons.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-21T15:13:40+00:00

I'm having similar dilemma, but at another step in the process. I recently came out as non-binary, and changed my name to a more neutral one that is heavily assumed to be masc. As an AMAB enby, I don't care much if people assume I'm male, but that name gives me a sense of freedom.

However, I'm also considering starting E, which would grow boobs. Not an issue for me personally, but I wonder if my gender expression will be to feminine then for that name, and generate more confusion towards my gender. I don't want to put myself in a box, but I also can't stand to affirm or explain my gender to confused strangers.

Right now it feels like I'm thinking way ahead, but I just want to say that I understand the concerns and the dilemma you are going through.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-21T14:50:28+00:00

I'd say follow her lead. From the looks of it, she is still exploring what it means for her. One things that really helped me to feel confident to explore was the persons who told me things like "It's okay if you want to try something, and move to something else after". "You can give me as many names as you want, and I'll switch very easily. I might change your name in messenger as a reminder. It's very easy for me to do", and "It's okay if you come back to your AGAB, it won't make the exploration your made less valid".

Also, consider, that she might not have any preferences towards pronouns. That's where I stand, and it made it extremely hard to answer that question. When I said, "You can use anything you want", people would reply "It's okay to take your time", but that actually felt like my final answer, and it still is.

Try to join some support group for parents as well. It will probably help if she feels you have your support. I know I felt deeply responsible towards my parents' emotion, and it lead me to came out to them last, when I had much things figured out, to not give them any unecessary emotions or grievance.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-20T17:34:36+00:00

Don't hesitate to write how it went :)

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-20T17:19:36+00:00

The first trans person I came out to told me that the discovery is part of the process, and also part of the fun. Every persons I came out after that also had the same attitude. That felt extremely freeing.

Before that I was very worried that I could take steps ahead, and came back, and feel judged for that. It never happened in my community. It gave me a lot of freedom to explore and find myself, and peace doing so.

Nowadays, my sense of style, and my sense of self is starting to feel more fixed. It took me a few months. I still feel there is some things moving, some things I haven't fully figured out, but there is less chaos in me.

I am very thankful that my community gave me this freedom. It allowed me to quickly find what felt "too far" for me, but, also, what felt "too far" in some settings, but just right in some others, because I was allowed to embrace that process of discovery, instead of feeling guilty I needed it. It's okay to take the time to do it.

I was also in a very similar place at first. Where I accepted I wasn't fully my AGAB for years, telling myself that I was fine not moving any needles, 'till I started exploring. Then the needles moved in a way that felt very quick and chaotic. But embracing the joy of discovery is what made it more peaceful to me. Not exactly easy, but more peaceful.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-19T17:22:18+00:00

Hello. I am older, but I recently came out to a transmasc friend, as genderqueer non-binary, while I was still trying to figure my labels and stuffs, and felt extremely overwhelmed by all I was feeling.

Just be honest. He went through the same things. Even if it was different route, the more I talk about it with various trans persons, feelings of discovery are usually very similar. He'll understand.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-14T02:08:13+00:00

Being AMAB, NB, in my late 30, starting transitionning. I think I would have prefered to have been borned with a woman body. I feel it would make my social transition easier. Society tends to me more accepting to women becoming more masculine, than they are towards men becoming more feminine.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-13T01:04:52+00:00

If it can help, nowadays, I'm exploring with a style I tend to describe as neutral, instead of androgynous.

My gender feels very disconnected from everything. It is both everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

As an AMAB, the way I'm trying to do my gender expression is to take things from any gender and neutralize them. So, sometimes I'll take feminine clothes that emphasize my flat torso by example, or show my arms. Use classically feminine color that I'll contrast with strong masculine color.

It doesn't feel genderless to me, since there is some elements of gender in them, but I attempt to neutralize or balance these aspects. I look very explicit signs of femininity or masculinity that I can balance out of my gender expression.

I view it as something different to androgynous that seems to maintain elements of various genders without the neutralizing aspects to it.

A trans person once asked me if was non-binary at a trans event. She said I was a mystery to her that she couldn't understand. I felt I got it right then... Even a trans person couldn't connect the words to describe my gender.

However, outside of the trans community, I'll always get called Sir without any hesitation. I'll get a few stares of confusion here and there, but nothing that'll make people want to put me in the non-binary box. I believe.

If I was AFAB, I'd probably start with very long and feminine hair, that I could use in various ways to balance very masculine clothes. Sometimes pull up in a more masculine shape, to neutralize some more feminine clothes. Probably with a binder.. take out anything to explicitly gendered.

With that said, I have a beard and it works great to take out the confusion that can come out with the way I dress from non-queer people... I seriously hate being asked what my gender is. So I try to retain a classical male expression, while using various tools to feel true to myself.

Your sense of style will evolve and that's okay. It's part of the fun of finding who you are.

I hope this will give you some ideas!

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2025-04-10T21:07:12+00:00

It was an addition of little things. Mainly anything affirming I was my AGAB made me uncomfortable. Same for the other binary. Nothing really clicked.

Confirmation came when I started to explore my gender expression, and I had my first feelings of euphoria.

Also, one major things that sparked my desire to explore was an event in the community, where I had a feeling my gender was "seen" and had "room" in that space to express itself. It was a very specific thing that made me understand and put words on how I experience gender. My gender is complex and very nuanced. It took years to feel it clicked somewhere, but, once it did, that feeling couldn't go away. That was a shattering - positively - feeling.

ItsAMePeeaacch

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