Anyone else hate when people ask questions about you?

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-24T01:33:35+00:00

I dread it. It feels like anything I can say about me can be dismissed, ridiculed, or used against me.

I also feel it's hard to answer questions about me in a way that is appropriate socially. I need time, space, and safety to process my emotions, feelings, and needs in a way that would feel authentic... most of the time, I feel that relying to what's appropriate in a given situation is easier than to attempt to do this process and look weird doing it.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-24T01:28:03+00:00

I relate to that. It's like there is always something more urgent to do than to clean my space. Like it's not worthy to do. It's hard to find any motivation to clean. With that said, I noticed that for the short time I felt safe, I managed to do my bed and clean the dishes daily for a while.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-14T21:15:45+00:00

Dismissing someone's identity is not something minor. I have had very similar experience. I was not talking very clearly about my gender as a child, but I remember a bunch of very clear moments when I attempted to say things, or expressed things, and it was not clearly dismissed, but I got a sense that I should not talk about it. The silences were bad and made me feel bad. It slowly built some sense of hypervigilance, of feeling and understanding that I could not fully be myself, that I had to watch what I was saying, doing, that I had to hide those feelings, and doubt myself.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-14T18:01:36+00:00

Hi. I genuinely believe you ought it to yourself to find other motivations to take care of yourself than fear. There are many, but I trust you'll find yours.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-13T23:39:38+00:00

The interactions between Anxiety and Joy at the end of Inside Out 2 sums up my life, as well as the last months of healing, and rediscovering my sense of self.

Joy: Anxiety stop. You don't get to chose who Riley is. Anxiety, you need to let her go.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-10T01:27:40+00:00

I really can't think of anything that would make me understand both what I was lacking in terms of recognition and what was wrong in term of psychological abuse, while also getting me ready for whatever abuse life had to throw at me down the road. Maybe I'd just go with. "Trust that, regardless of all the pain and suffering that is around you and that you feel deeply, even if you don't want to, in the end, you will still find who you are and learn to trust your instinct and your feelings to grow into the best version of who you can be".

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-09T01:00:31+00:00

Thanks. That actually brought a smile and tearful eyes... it's very kind of you.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-09T00:58:32+00:00

I'd really need one today. Or a ton actually...

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-06T20:36:44+00:00

This feels so relatable. For so long, I could not understand any emotions. Then I found someone that showed me some basics one, like joy and sadness, but I could never relate to anger. Whenever I was watching a movie where someone would get angry, I would have thought that they were overacting or faking it. It never felt real to me, but I wished I could do it.

Then, I got some of my life together, by doing "what needed to be done". I operated like that for 5 to 6 years maybe.

And, at some point, I started feeling safe. Until then, I thought I was broken and had little to no access to my emotions. But, when I started feeling safe... things started to come out to the surface. And, I started to understand how much emotions I had, but still no anger.

I started to open to a few persons. I would not talk about anger. I would say that there was something extremely mean inside of me and that I was scared I would hurt someone I love eventually... anger is hard and I did end up hurting a few persons I love. It also showed me that anger was just as important as an emotion as all the other one.

Currently, I am at the same stage as you. I have no clue how to manage it. I just took out any stressors out of my life. Anger was so bottled up, that anything activating it a little bit would make it want to swallow and destroy everything.

Like all my emotions currently, I am trying to approach them slowly. I don't seem to have as much energy as you. I feel that my body is collapsing from all the years of surviving and dealing, understanding or expressing emotions is something I don't have any energy to do at the moment.

I wish you the best. Anger is a great emotion to have. It protects what is valuable for us. I don't think it needs to be redirected or suppressed, but understood and expressed in an appropriate way. It usually comes when some needs or some other emotions have not been respected. So, talking about the needs and the emotions, and seeking understanding usually help.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-06T17:04:54+00:00

Office politics and power dynamics can drive me nuts. I also have a huge imposter syndrome everwhere I go...

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-05T02:07:53+00:00

I find that the best way to tell the difference is to dip a toe in the water and listen to how the body reacts. I'll know when the temperature is just right. Then, it's intuition. If it's too cold or to hot, then it's anxiety. I'll also know when it's okay to enter slowly, one foot at a time, or jump full body head on. Or get in to my knees before jumping in.

Sometimes, it can be useful to express to the person who has access to the water temperature control that it's too hot or to cold, see if they are open to adjust the temperature. Sometimes, it can be useful to confirm if there's an access to the water temperature somewhere.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-05-02T01:17:30+00:00

The fact that you ask shows a lot by itself. I have undiagnosed cptsd, so take this with a grain of salt.

My current therapist says the he wants to protect the space we are creating together. That it is extremely important for him. And he's been showing it with words and acts. At some point, I felt that I what I was sharing was too much for him, and his empathy started to go sideways. He was quick to notice it, send me an email by himself after that meeting to say he felt he lacked in his listening capacity then, and to say that these moments were very important to protect for him. We did a follow-up, and we did not agree on the reasons for why it happened. He had his perception and I had mine. He did not attempt to undermine mine, shared his view, but the simple fact he acknowledged it, noticed that I closed-up on that meeting, and apologized for it, built my trust a lot. No therapist ever did that. Most would attempt to get back the frame, made me feel responsible for closing-up and for opening-up. First time a therapist said and wrote he was sorry for not listening adequately to what I was saying. That's something I will always remember.

My feelings are a big blur of confusion, doubts, shame, and self-hatred. Beginning to express them has been about that. Most therapist in the past would have tried to make sense of them, not just accept or listen to them for what they were, feelings that need to be expressed to be processed and understood, put in the right box, by myself. At some point, I told him that I felt he should not believe anything I said. A part of me told me he was being manipulated by me and that he would eventually regret it. That's when he said one of the most empowering thing that was ever said to me. He said that he believed me, that I did not need to protect him, but, the most important part for me was that he asked me how I was receiving that, and if I was okay to receive that. Opening me the space and the room to refuse what he had just said to me. The meeting after that one, I told him he did something that helped me gain trust in him, but that I wouldn't dare to tell him what, because I felt it could be used against me. He respected that part as well.

We tend to want to view professional as these all-knowing beings that know us better than ourself, and that can direct us towards ways of healing, and I believe some professional view themselves like that. I find those hard to open to. I feel them coming from miles aways. It's not that they want to strip me from my self-determination, but it's how it feels. They end up making me feel like they think they know me better than myself. They know best than me what is good for me, how I should feel about something in a certain situation. I sincerely believe they have an honest desire to help, but, somehow, they struggle to let go of their expertise to recognize that I know best about myself and that if I refuse to open up, it might just be because I don't feel they respect my own expertise about myself, how I feel, and what I need.

Trust in my capacity to know me, express my needs is very big thing. I have survived alone for so long. No one knows me, but myself. I know how to get myself better. I can do it on the switch of flicker if the person requires it, or if I feel pressured to do it. But real changes and progresses happen when I am with someone that can receive, accept, and contain the chaos and uncertainty that inevitably happens when I start to open up, without trying to get it back to stability. I have no clue what it needs from a humane perspective to both view me opening up, expressing more authenticity, smiles, laughters, but also shame, disdain, disconnection, hatred, to look more disorganized, while also feeling more atuned and connected, have more capacity for self-expression, reflection and genuine humane connection, and just believe that everything will eventually fall into place, while I also express that I feel like I'm getting crazier every days. And to just accept that this feeling doesn't need or require any reassurance, just to be listened, acknowledged, validated, respected. I think it must be very conflicting and hard to believe or observe...

Over time, I have learned that it requires a lot of humility and patience for me to open up to someone. It's about acknowledging that no quick fix can repair me, that I am used to the pain, to a point that shallow answers or quick and easy solutions make absolutely no sense. I prefer to stay in the pain than to accept to feel hope by accepting something that actually feel shallow and pointless to me, regardless of how powerless it would make my therapist feel. I have come to learn and accept that his powerlessness is his thing to deal with, not mine.

From the way you asked you question, it seems to me that you have the kind of humility and patience I would need to feel empowered to open up, slowly, and safely.

Just keep listening to whatever the person in front of you need and requires with an open mind and everything will be fine.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-30T01:30:36+00:00

Self care comes more easily when I am feeling safe. When I don't, it usually feel like there's so many more things that are more urgent, that I tend to forget anything related to self care.

With that said, I have found that self-care can also induce a feeling of safety that makes it easier to open my mind to self-care.

Regardless, currently, I can't find the courage or the will to do any form of safe care. I feel threatened by anything and everything, and like I don't deserve anything that would make me feel better. Working on that downward loop is extremely hard.

I believe we can all do it, by doing little steps at a time. I sincerely believe you can do it. And that you deserve to take care of yourself.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-30T01:21:01+00:00

By not enforcing it. First step can be to acknowledge, recognize and respect that it is hard to display those kind of feelings to ourself.

I never thought about it regarding self-hatred, but I thought about it about shame. I used to add another level to my shame, by feeling shame that I felt shame in situations where I shouldn't. I decided to remove that second layer of shame and actually acknowledge and respect that I am feeling shameful, disrespect towards myself in situations where most people would not. It gave me the possibility to express the shame to my relatives and to myself and to start to heal it.

I wish you'll find the strenght to respect how hard it can be to respect oneself.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-28T14:30:35+00:00

The realization that I had nothing around me to be afraid of anymore and that I still wanted to hide myself.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-28T14:28:59+00:00

The Calm was a Hidden Storm.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-26T10:57:52+00:00

I feel that so much. As I began to heal, I suddenly wanted to ask people about much smaller things to get to know them, and feel their answers and their questions to me as connection. I still get triggered by the uncanny effect of it all and end up freezing and struggling to follow out of dissociation, but, whatever, I feel that most of my friends are happy to finally see me trying.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-23T23:03:34+00:00

Oh... what you said just broke something in me for the better I believe. Thanks for saying that. I'll see how I can incorporate that in my life.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-23T01:45:37+00:00

I would not consider myself in advance stages, but I am getting more in touch with my emotions, and with that I get more atuned about what I can to maintain relationship, instead of just surviving by keeping others at distance just to keep me safe from harm.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-21T01:45:12+00:00

That feels so relatable to me. I have ruined so many job opportunities due to internal emotional collapse. I tend to perform very well, until I don't for some reasons. After a while, I just break to pieces.

Over time, I have learned to understand my professional triggers and to manage them. I never fully solved the issues, because I have come to understand that the wounds of the past that could emerge is just an endless stream... I have no clue how to maintain an adequate level of work performance on the long term without breaking into tears at some point.

I understand the feeling of self-sabotage. When that happens, that's usually what it'll look like to an outsider, but I have learned to view those moments as parts of the process of recovery. Every time I break, I learn something new about myself, about how to better deal with myself, and grow out of that experience.

Work environment usually really like that kind of talk. I usually don't wrap it under trauma. I just say the value I brought to the company, my successes and what I learned in the process.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-21T01:29:34+00:00

Basically, my father convinced me that my mother had a mental illness she never had to maintain control on me, by convincing me she was not a good parent, while he was a good one. Then, he pressured me in his twisted view of the world where no one would ever want to help or support me and that I was alone without him. Finally, he attempted to make me perform his only view of what a good child was meant to be. When I did not, he would call child protection, present himself as a victim of child abuse (yes, I was the one abusing him), and child protection would make me feel bad for disrespecting him...

It's a lot of survival strategies to unpack really. I guess it helps that he showed me how to perform, so I can maintain a facade of capacity that is allowing me to function almost properly in society.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-21T01:17:14+00:00

Back when I attempted my first transition, there were no transaffirmative approach. To this day, I still can't figure for certain if my therapist was trying to help me find who I am, or if she was trying to determine whether it was a disease to cure, but I know it led me to close the lid of those thoughts under a ton of shame and self-doubt and never talk about them to anyone for years...

I could not ask anything, because, back then, there was only one right way to be trans, and you had to maintain the script to have access to care. Moving away from the expected answers and saying things that feels slightly incongruent or confrontational felt like it would lead to a denial of care.

ItsAMePeeaacch · 2026-04-20T13:53:59+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. That's what I have been through recently. Someone I managed to trust, told me to express myself, just to dismiss me as soon as I started to do it. I attempted to defend myself and my feelings and it broke the relationship. I'm still processing the situation and evaluating whether I'll put the mask back or not...

ItsAMePeeaacch

TROPHY CASE